How to cut ties without feeling like that bad person

[aatkins8]

I am currently seperated from my live in girl friend who has BPD. We have had multiple fights during our two years together. She becomes extremely angry, loses complete control, and gets violent. I moved out after our last fight and am staying with family. Up until the last two months I did not know she was a border line. She claims she is willing to get help and wants me back but I am not willing to jump back into the fire. Is there any hope? can a borderline recover and have a meaningful relationship?

[finallyout]

can a borderline recover and have a meaningful relationship?

Most probably not.

You did the first move and left her, congratulations! But if you go back, it will get worse because her abandonment fear is now doubled, and she would do everything she could to prevent you from leaving again.

You left, so keep moving. It does not matter if you look like a bad person or not, to her, you are always going to be bad, no matter what you do.

[once removed]

cutting ties, and exploring whether or not their is hope for your relationship are two very difficult, but very different paths.

are you leaning one way in particular?

[Bvcruiser]

You are not the bad person. Even if you stayed and went above and beyond your ability, she would still paint you black and pull the victim mentality card.

Several months back after 2 yrs and 3 months, I had enough with my ex, got a restraining order, and she got escorted off the property by the local police. Do I feel bad, no. I only feel bad that I almost gave up my identity and self worth dealing with her. Considering how she has filed restraining orders against past ex's for revenge, it has been no contact with her since the boot. I am praying that the vampire has a new neck to bite on.

[SinisterComplex]

I am currently seperated from my live in girl friend who has BPD. We have had multiple fights during our two years together. She becomes extremely angry, loses complete control, and gets violent. I moved out after our last fight and am staying with family. Up until the last two months I did not know she was a border line. She claims she is willing to get help and wants me back but I am not willing to jump back into the fire. Is there any hope? can a borderline recover and have a meaningful relationship?

So many of us here do understand how you feel and we get it. Most importantly it is ok to feel how you feel. Cut yourself some slack because these relationships can mess up even the most stable, tough, and strongest of the strongest individuals. Now before I respond any further can you elaborate on why you feel you would be a bad person if you cut ties? What is it that makes you feel or think that way?

Please be kind to you and take care of yourself. You will see I repeat this a lot because it is something taken for granted and overlooked too often.

With all that said welcome to the fam and know we are here for you and we are listening and have your back.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-