Hello everyone, I feel so alone and powerless. My relationship with my boyfriend started 5 years ago. He left me after 2 years. He seemed to adore me at first. He shared his past traumas with me. He had great anger towards his father. He described his mother as a very nice person. Parent figures have a huge impact on his lives. I understood this better over time. He's talkative, charming and nice. He had problems with authority figures throughout his education life. He always presents himself as being wronged. His sense of justice is strong but biased. He does everything for his friends, but gets very angry when they don't do the same. He did not talk to his closest friend for a year just because he did not give priority to him. I reconciled them. He always blames someone else when something goes wrong in his life. He says he doesn't want to be a doctor, but his family forced him to be. Because he did not want to be a doctor for a while, he decided to quit university and become a pilot. He is full of hatred towards people who have left his life. He was always complaining about everything. I supported him as much as I could for 2 years. After we had an argument, he said he didn't love me like he used to and wanted to break up. I cried a lot and begged him. But he did not accept. After 3 days, he cried and apologized to me and asked me not to let him go. A month later, he started blaming everyone for thinking he had failed an exam. He didn't want to see his family and me. He left me without saying anything. We didn't speak for 1.5 years. During this time, he had two suicide attempts and was hospitalized. He called me as he got out of the hospital and said he had changed a lot. He said he never stopped loving me and would do anything to make me happy. He said his life has no meaning without me. He had a very important exam 7 months later. He failed the exam and suddenly lost his will to live again. And then he said he wanted to break up with me because we didn't fit together and he thought he couldn't make me happy. A week later my dog died and I called him. I was in so much pain. We started talking again. I also started therapy. I went to a psychiatrist who knew him. They told me he has borderline personality disorder. But he didn't know that himself. I didn't know what to do. I love him and wanted to continue the relationship. We started off very well again. We moved into the house we will live in together. Meanwhile, he was preparing for his important exam again. He took the exam 4 months later and still didn't get the result he wanted. From then on he was constantly unhappy. He didn't want to meet his friends. He didn't want to leave the house. I supported as much as I could. He said that he was very happy with me and that we would sort everything out somehow. I believed him too. After the exam, he stopped taking her medications and therapy. A month and a half later, we had an argument over a friend. He shouted at me in the street. He said I ruined his night. He said I turned his life into cage. He said I would never see his friends again. He said he wanted to die constantly for the past month. I couldn't take it anymore and got out of the car. He just left me at night and left. I went to our house and bought some things and went to my mother's house. We didn't speak for two days. The exam result turned out well and I called him to congratulate him, but he didn't pick up. I went to our house to talk. He was very cold. He asked me to leave the house. He said he never wanted me to move in with him but he couldn't tell me because he loves me and wants to marry me. He's been trying to tolerate me for a long time. He said I was very ruthless and cruel. He said I made the man who loves me more than anything miserable. He described everything we experienced so differently that I was shocked. He was the one asked me to move in with him. During the time he studied for the exam, I took care of him like his mother. I put my own life on the back burner. But he called me merciless. I took my things and left the house. A week later I texted him to get the rest of my stuff. He didn't answer. His father called me. After 5 years, he couldn't even meet me. I was very sad and cried a lot.
I deleted his number and started no contact. He still kerps my number. why would he keep my number ? How do I known if it is the final discard or not ? I feel desperate. I know his disorder and I want to help him. Will he ever come back to me? He always says he never stops loving me and I am the only one whom he wants to marry with. Please give me some insight.
