I need someone to talk. I feel desperate :(

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

It’s been 5 years on and off relationship. He broke up with me 2 years ago without even a word. 1,5 years after that he came back and said he’s changed and he understand that he can’t be without me. In those 1,5 years gap, he tried suicide 2 times and had panic attacks. Then he hospitalised.  When he came he looked like and talked liked changed. 7 months after we got back, he failed an important exam and started to be like he used to be (unhappy, angry and blames whose around). And then he wanted to break up again saying that he loves me but he believes he can’t make me happy. After 2 weeks my beloved dog died and I was devastated.I called him to say the bad news. This loss made us close again and we started again. At that time, I started to therapy. And my therapist said I have PTSD. He also said that my bf has bpd. He knew that because he was also his psychiatrist. My Bf wanted me to move in with him. And everything was good at that moment. But then, 4 months later he took the same exam and didn’t get the results he wanted. And he became unhappy. He quit therapy and medications. 1,5 months later we got an argument over a friend of him. He yelled at me and accused me ruining his night. He said he’s been thinking of killing himself for a month. He said I never asked him to move in and he tried to tolerate everything I did because he loves me and  wants to marry me. He distorted the facts. He was like he hates me. I had to take my stuff and leave our home. And never heard of him again. I deleted his number but he keeps mine. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be treated like that. I love him and still want him. Will he ever realised whats he has done and come back again like before?

[Daphe]

It’s been 5 years on and off relationship. He broke up with me 2 years ago without even a word. 1,5 years after that he came back and said he’s changed and he understand that he can’t be without me. In those 1,5 years gap, he tried suicide 2 times and had panic attacks. Then he hospitalised.  When he came he looked like and talked liked changed. 7 months after we got back, he failed an important exam and started to be like he used to be (unhappy, angry and blames whose around). And then he wanted to break up again saying that he loves me but he believes he can’t make me happy. After 2 weeks my beloved dog died and I was devastated.I called him to say the bad news. This loss made us close again and we started again. At that time, I started to therapy. And my therapist said I have PTSD. He also said that my bf has bpd. He knew that because he was also his psychiatrist. My Bf wanted me to move in with him. And everything was good at that moment. But then, 4 months later he took the same exam and didn’t get the results he wanted. And he became unhappy. He quit therapy and medications. 1,5 months later we got an argument over a friend of him. He yelled at me and accused me ruining his night. He said he’s been thinking of killing himself for a month. He said I never asked him to move in and he tried to tolerate everything I did because he loves me and  wants to marry me. He distorted the facts. He was like he hates me. I had to take my stuff and leave our home. And never heard of him again. I deleted his number but he keeps mine. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be treated like that. I love him and still want him. Will he ever realised whats he has done and come back again like before?

[NotAHero]

It’s been 5 years on and off relationship. He broke up with me 2 years ago without even a word. 1,5 years after that he came back and said he’s changed and he understand that he can’t be without me. In those 1,5 years gap, he tried suicide 2 times and had panic attacks. Then he hospitalised.  When he came he looked like and talked liked changed. 7 months after we got back, he failed an important exam and started to be like he used to be (unhappy, angry and blames whose around). And then he wanted to break up again saying that he loves me but he believes he can’t make me happy. After 2 weeks my beloved dog died and I was devastated.I called him to say the bad news. This loss made us close again and we started again. At that time, I started to therapy. And my therapist said I have PTSD. He also said that my bf has bpd. He knew that because he was also his psychiatrist. My Bf wanted me to move in with him. And everything was good at that moment. But then, 4 months later he took the same exam and didn’t get the results he wanted. And he became unhappy. He quit therapy and medications. 1,5 months later we got an argument over a friend of him. He yelled at me and accused me ruining his night. He said he’s been thinking of killing himself for a month. He said I never asked him to move in and he tried to tolerate everything I did because he loves me and  wants to marry me. He distorted the facts. He was like he hates me. I had to take my stuff and leave our home. And never heard of him again. I deleted his number but he keeps mine. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be treated like that. I love him and still want him. Will he ever realised whats he has done and come back again like before?

 You have come to the right place. Sorry you are going through this.

 One thing to consider, if he truly has BPD, you have to understand these cycles will Always be part of the relationship. Is that something you want to deal with long term? BPDs are scared to death of the closeness and normality a loving r/s provides. In addition, always be ready to be discarded and replaced as if you never existed. Are you willing to sign up for that?