A breakdown

[So many questions]

I had a breakdown last night.I felt it coming for weeks. I’ve tried to pretend for months that I’m okay and that this break up is for the best. But, I don’t truly feel that way. I miss the love of my life.

I’m just venting. I’m in a really bad spot. The idealization of ending my life came back which hasn’t been an issue for a month.

I messed it all up with my actions in one single night. Had I not acted the way I did, we would’ve definitely got back together. I’m in pain 24/7. I’m fighting tears every second of the day. Everything reminds me of her. I can’t escape our mutuals.

I just want to reach out to her. I don’t care that she has a new boyfriend and I know that’s bad. It’s all just pathetic. I shouldn’t miss or yearn for this person. They hurt me worse than anyone ever has.

I feel insane. Mentally weak.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[alterK]

So many questions, if you are having serious thoughts of ending it, get help! Call a hot line, call your therapist, go to the ER--whatever it takes.

A difficult skill to learn is to forgive yourself. These relationships are very tricky, full of provocations, and I doubt there's a person on the planet who hasn't made serious mistakes, even when they know better. Give yourself time to decide what you want to do next.

[Go3737]

Sounds as if you are in the midst of the Trauma Bond.
It's like withdrawing from an addiction.
It's what happens to us when we leave an abusive relationship.
We get addicted to the highs and lows of the relationship and the chemicals released in the brain.
I am currently going through it. It hit me a few weeks after I left my wife. I miss her terribly. After we speak i feel much better as if I got my fix.
When i feel that gut wrenching emptiness and pull back to her I do something to busy myself and get past it.
It hurts.