My Wife

[Sircrash]

My wife suffers from sexual trauma from as early as a child into her young adulthood. The abusers were family members and significant others. She comes from a family that rails against talking to anyone about these type of things so her ptsd is untreated. When she gets triggered( and that can be anything and come out of nowhere) she unrecognizable. She becomes a different person. Her venom is taken out on me. It’s not about her past, those things are never talked about, it’s more like out of the blue I let her down, I don’t meet her needs, I never have been there for her. It states with one major outburst and then she cuts me off! Only communication is through text. I am a person in drug and alcohol recovery for 15 years(AA, Christian recovery Al Anon) and handle most other situations much better. But when it comes to my wife I get up in my head. I think what could I have done different? It’s my fault. I have to fix her. This has been going on since the birth of our daughter 12 years ago. She went into a serious postpartum depression and these episodes started to happen. My daughter and I say Mommy has gone to the dark side! I work my program, pray and connect with my sponsor in all other matters but with my wife I’ve always ended up owning her disease!  Al Anon taught me I didn’t cause it, can’t cure it and can’t control but with her it has always been a struggle for for. I love her. I feel sorry for her. I see the amazing person inside when the dark side isn’t there. But this time I have done things differently! I moved to the basement and set up my own space. I have relied on my sponsor, my spiritual mentor and a good friend who is in recovery from addiction, abuse and as she says her own version of “crazy” I have for the first time practiced “detaching with love” Taking care of my needs. I reading The family guide to Borderline Personality Disorder which is where I found this website!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

  Welcome Sircrash. It’s extremely important to have good boundaries when your partner has BPD. Good for you to take care of yourself and create a safe space.  Check out the Tools section above and let us know more about your relationship.