I finally left - I just can’t take it anymore

[Sleepycat]

I was so happy that my boyfriend  started some steps and seemed to have motivation to improve his mental health and behavior (in regards to BPD). We’ve been together for a year, and had even discussed marriage. Things were mostly good for a couple of weeks. However, last weekend, he started trying to instigate arguments, became paranoid and could not let go of feeling like I was cheating, began being verbally abusive, and his moods were all over the place. My mental health started deteriorating each day. Last night was awful. He was screaming so loud, saying cruel things, threw a chair, , shoved me…and then told me that he was going to beat the   out of me. That was a first time he has threatened physical violence. Each episode like this has slowly started escalating. Now that he is threatening to beat me and  “:cursing: me up”, I realize that he had finally crossed a line that I cannot forgive or try to work through. I knew that I had to be done. The charming would not work this time. I left and went to my dad’s.

I have spent most of today apartment shopping, and by 5pm I had signed a lease. The rollercoaster of emotions is so confusing. I am grieving the loss of the man that I had loved more than anyone  I’m terribly hurt. I am angry and disgusted. For a few hours I simply felt numb. However somewhere within me, I know that I did the right thing. I just cannot live like this anymore. I feel like an idiot for tolerating their things that I have tolerated in the past. Ah, the things we do for love.

I plan to keep myself busy by  spending time with friends and family after I move tomorrow so that I am not idle and consumed by my thoughts and emotions. I’ve gone no contact. I have an upcoming appointment with my therapist.  Any words of advice to help me stay strong and get through this?

[I Am Redeemed]

You've taken some very brave steps. Good for you for recognizing what your boundaries are and what you needed to do to take care of yourself.

It sounds like you've made good plans for support, such as time with family and friends, an appointment with your therapist, and going no contact.

Journaling out your feelings of grief over the relationship can be a good way to get the feelings out. Self care: stay hydrated, make sure you eat (and eat something healthy), take a long bath or shower, get enough sleep, take a walk outside in nature, do something you enjoy (reading, watching a favorite show, listening to music, biking, running, whatever you like doing).

You are probably going to have a range of emotions that may include anger, sadness, guilt, shame, worry, etc. This is normal.

If you experience a lot of anxiety, breathing exercises can help, as well as meditation. There are some simple guided meditations on YouTube you can find, or you can simply put on some soothing music, sit quietly, and either just concentrate on your own breathing in and out or repeat a word of your choosing in your mind, such as "peace", "safe", or any word you choose.

Will your family be helping you move your things out?

[GaGrl]

It is a very positive aspect of your personality and character that you are so clear in n your boundary -- congratulations! Many people are not yet capable of defining that line in their relationships.

I Am Redeemed has excellent practical advice to help you get through the upcoming weeks.

[Turkish]

Sleepycat,

That's such a hard decision on so many levels, and I'm glad that you're safe and most importantly have support. Please keep us updated 

T

[LaRonge]

Congratulations on setting boundaries and getting out, even though it's hard to lose the person you've loved. It's so important to know and truly feel that you deserve better. Stay safe and stay strong.

[Sleepycat]

Thank you so much everyone. I have been busy moving. Today has been a rough day emotionally for me. Thanks for all of the advice and support. It really helps. I swear, he is like a drug to me. We became so tightly enmeshed, and now I feel lost. Ugh. Staying strong, though. I appreciate you all so much   

[NotAHero]

I was so happy that my boyfriend  started some steps and seemed to have motivation to improve his mental health and behavior (in regards to BPD). We’ve been together for a year, and had even discussed marriage. Things were mostly good for a couple of weeks. However, last weekend, he started trying to instigate arguments, became paranoid and could not let go of feeling like I was cheating, began being verbally abusive, and his moods were all over the place. My mental health started deteriorating each day. Last night was awful. He was screaming so loud, saying cruel things, threw a chair, , shoved me…and then told me that he was going to beat the   out of me. That was a first time he has threatened physical violence. Each episode like this has slowly started escalating. Now that he is threatening to beat me and  “:cursing: me up”, I realize that he had finally crossed a line that I cannot forgive or try to work through. I knew that I had to be done. The charming would not work this time. I left and went to my dad’s.

I have spent most of today apartment shopping, and by 5pm I had signed a lease. The rollercoaster of emotions is so confusing. I am grieving the loss of the man that I had loved more than anyone  I’m terribly hurt. I am angry and disgusted. For a few hours I simply felt numb. However somewhere within me, I know that I did the right thing. I just cannot live like this anymore. I feel like an idiot for tolerating their things that I have tolerated in the past. Ah, the things we do for love.

I plan to keep myself busy by  spending time with friends and family after I move tomorrow so that I am not idle and consumed by my thoughts and emotions. I’ve gone no contact. I have an upcoming appointment with my therapist.  Any words of advice to help me stay strong and get through this?

 You are doing great for having boundaries and making the right decision. If you feel tempted to “reconcile” I strongly advise you to browse through our stories here on the detachment boards to know the horrors that await you if you take the bait.