Does anyone else feel this way? I feel absolutely devastated to watch my former partner with symptoms of bpd go through this. Personality disorders have to be one of the most heartbreaking things to watch a loved one deal with.
I did feel bad, for a time... but then I learned of the monkey branching, the complete disregard for how I felt during and after the relationship, and treated as if I never existed afterwards. I then realized that most of the “love” feelings I felt were based on something that really didn’t exist within the other person. I felt bad for and was in love with the mirrored persona that my exwBPD put forth, but at the end of the day that’s all it was... a persona that our ex’s momentarily adopt.
Even today, 8 months later, I still struggle with truly understanding and believing in the nature of the disorder and how it works real time. That’s testament to how strong the trauma bond can be, as well as how deep seated some of my codependent tendencies are. But then again, it’s also just difficult and bizarre seeing an adult speaking, in an adult body, but then have the behavior and content of their words be so much more childlike and detached from reality. It’s disturbing to say the least.
In your previous post, you said that you were only a few days post breakup. I’d recommend working out daily, having a solid schedule in place, and using some of your free time to learn about the disorder and non-BPD partner accounts of what went down. This will help to provide some crappy form of closure that surely wasn’t provided by your ex, as well as, in a more healthy way, feed the rumination beast that will inevitably be present during this time. It’s normal.
Best of luck, and please keep posting any other comments and questions that you may have.
Deep Blue
