Ex Got Engaged...Been broken up 27 months now

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

I heard some rumblings about my ex from a friend this past Sunday, so I did a quick check on her social media. Maybe six months after our breakup (I unfriended her a month after our breakup), she made her social media account public with little restrictions. Anyway, I went to her page, and it stated that she got engaged last Saturday. There were multiple pictures to go along with the post.  Even thought she has been with this guy for over two years and is engaged to him, every picture that she took of her and I together is still on her social media account including all of our vacation pictures. I just find that bizarre, especially since I removed all of those from my page a few months after the breakup. I would think that would bother her fiance, and I know for sure it would bother me if I was in his shoes.

As some of you may know from my story a couple of years ago, her new fiance is the man that she had an affair with immediately after she left her ex-husband. Then she started dating me and supposedly broke it off with this guy. I did not find out about her relationship with him until we'd been together for 6-8 weeks. She described her relationship with him as "a rebound that meant nothing", "I had sex with him because I didn't know when I was going to be able to have it again", "he's an alcoholic that has no job, car, or home", and "his family is nice, but they are a bunch of rednecks."

After nearly two years of dating her and 6 months of pretty intense pressure from her to get engaged, I was dumped for this guy. I still sit here and shake my head at how she downplayed their relationship and devalued him to me while we were dating. I'm sure she did the same when she went back to him and devalued me. After 27 months, I could care less about her getting married. If it would have happened within 9-12 months after the breakup, I would have been crushed. Time does heal all wounds, but it still does bug me to some degree how she devalues people and runs from one to the other. I know these are typical BPD traits though. My guess is the fiance will probably have to learn the hard way like I did. At least she and I did not marry, and I am so thankful for that.  I crossed paths with her ex-husband about a year ago. He had some very kind things to say about me, which I appreciated very much, including the fact that his children really loved me and that he had hoped it would have worked out with his ex and me. Additionally, he described very similar behaviors and experiences he had with her while they were married.

I've been dating another girl for almost a year now. She has her flaws like me and the rest of us do, but I feel loved and respected by her. She has a good job, stable employment, and owns her own home unlike my ex.  Never once has she made me feel like I didn't matter, nor have I been devalued or ignored by her. This happened frequently with my ex, including codependency issues with the two of us. I'm just happy to be free off all of those unhealthy behaviors and am thankful to be enjoying life again. To any of you that are struggling badly, please hang in there and take care of yourselves! It really does get better with time, especially if you are willing to work on yourself to improve your quality of life. I still feel like I have a ways to go still, but a lot of progress has been made in two years.

Best wishes!

[brighter future]

I heard some rumblings about my ex from a friend this past Sunday, so I did a quick check on her social media. Maybe six months after our breakup (I unfriended her a month after our breakup), she made her social media account public with little restrictions. Anyway, I went to her page, and it stated that she got engaged last Saturday. There were multiple pictures to go along with the post.  Even thought she has been with this guy for over two years and is engaged to him, every picture that she took of her and I together is still on her social media account including all of our vacation pictures. I just find that bizarre, especially since I removed all of those from my page a few months after the breakup. I would think that would bother her fiance, and I know for sure it would bother me if I was in his shoes.

As some of you may know from my story a couple of years ago, her new fiance is the man that she had an affair with immediately after she left her ex-husband. Then she started dating me and supposedly broke it off with this guy. I did not find out about her relationship with him until we'd been together for 6-8 weeks. She described her relationship with him as "a rebound that meant nothing", "I had sex with him because I didn't know when I was going to be able to have it again", "he's an alcoholic that has no job, car, or home", and "his family is nice, but they are a bunch of rednecks."

After nearly two years of dating her and 6 months of pretty intense pressure from her to get engaged, I was dumped for this guy. I still sit here and shake my head at how she downplayed their relationship and devalued him to me while we were dating. I'm sure she did the same when she went back to him and devalued me. After 27 months, I could care less about her getting married. If it would have happened within 9-12 months after the breakup, I would have been crushed. Time does heal all wounds, but it still does bug me to some degree how she devalues people and runs from one to the other. I know these are typical BPD traits though. My guess is the fiance will probably have to learn the hard way like I did. At least she and I did not marry, and I am so thankful for that.  I crossed paths with her ex-husband about a year ago. He had some very kind things to say about me, which I appreciated very much, including the fact that his children really loved me and that he had hoped it would have worked out with his ex and me. Additionally, he described very similar behaviors and experiences he had with her while they were married.

I've been dating another girl for almost a year now. She has her flaws like me and the rest of us do, but I feel loved and respected by her. She has a good job, stable employment, and owns her own home unlike my ex.  Never once has she made me feel like I didn't matter, nor have I been devalued or ignored by her. This happened frequently with my ex, including codependency issues with the two of us. I'm just happy to be free off all of those unhealthy behaviors and am thankful to be enjoying life again. To any of you that are struggling badly, please hang in there and take care of yourselves! It really does get better with time, especially if you are willing to work on yourself to improve your quality of life. I still feel like I have a ways to go still, but a lot of progress has been made in two years.

Best wishes!

[SinisterComplex]

We appreciate you coming back and sharing an update BF. Sincerely wish you well. Continue moving forward and Do YOU.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[brighter future]

We appreciate you coming back and sharing an update BF. Sincerely wish you well. Continue moving forward and Do YOU.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

Thanks very much, SC. As I sit here replying to you, it crossed my mind how hard it is to believe that it's been over 2 years since she and I last split. Time has passed so quickly. I can't tell you how much better I feel physically and mentally now that I'm not in this relationship. Dealing with her mental health issues, her children's emotional issues, and my ex's financial issues really  took a toll on me. It got to a point where I wasn't doing well emotionally, and I was having blood pressure issues as well as problems sleeping. It's so good to have those issues off of me. My counselor told me a couple of years ago that living and or being with a person that isn't well can make you unwell, too. She couldn't have been more correct!

The only thing left that's a little awkward is that my ex's parents live next door to me, so we still have  occasional encounters when she visits them. About 6-8 weeks ago my new g/f and I were outside standing in my front yard talking. My ex walks out of her parent's house with the her now fiance. She actually spoke to me as they were walking down the sidewalk while giggling and nervous laughing. It was an awkward experience. As they drove away, I had to explain to my new g/f who that person was. While I still have a good relationship with her parents as neighbors, in a way I wish that they didn't live next door to me. That way I could just leave all of this in the past. I know that's not possible, so I'm learning to deal with it. It's gotten easier as time has passed, but there are still a few negative feelings there.

[SinisterComplex]

Thanks very much, SC. As I sit here replying to you, it crossed my mind how hard it is to believe that it's been over 2 years since she and I last split. Time has passed so quickly. I can't tell you how much better I feel physically and mentally now that I'm not in this relationship. Dealing with her mental health issues, her children's emotional issues, and my ex's financial issues really  took a toll on me. It got to a point where I wasn't doing well emotionally, and I was having blood pressure issues as well as problems sleeping. It's so good to have those issues off of me. My counselor told me a couple of years ago that living and or being with a person that isn't well can make you unwell, too. She couldn't have been more correct!

The only thing left that's a little awkward is that my ex's parents live next door to me, so we still have  occasional encounters when she visits them. About 6-8 weeks ago my new g/f and I were outside standing in my front yard talking. My ex walks out of her parent's house with the her now fiance. She actually spoke to me as they were walking down the sidewalk while giggling and nervous laughing. It was an awkward experience. As they drove away, I had to explain to my new g/f who that person was. While I still have a good relationship with her parents as neighbors, in a way I wish that they didn't live next door to me. That way I could just leave all of this in the past. I know that's not possible, so I'm learning to deal with it. It's gotten easier as time has passed, but there are still a few negative feelings there.

Sincerely, I am happy to see your progress where you are now as compared to when you arrived here. Additionally, the negative feelings will still probably take a while to subside. That is normal and par for the course though.

Regardless, I wish you the best moving forward.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-