Boundaries Without Being Mean

[Seesa]

I work in healthcare, and I have a family member and a friend with personality disorders.  I look forward to learning from this community, especially about holding my boundaries without feeling like i'm being mean.

[Turkish]

Hi Seesa,



What kinds of behaviors do you feel for which you need boundaries? Is feeling "mean" what you feel internally, or is that what you might be told?

If you have experience professionally, it can be different with no inherent professional boundaries.

We have lots of material at the top of the board and a lot of seasoned members who can help support you. I hope to hear more about how we can help.

T

[pursuingJoy]

I look forward to learning from this community, especially about holding my boundaries without feeling like i'm being mean.

I was conditioned to give in and pacify, so boundaries usually 'feel' mean. I've had to learn to separate feelings from facts and trust advice from others. I'll never forget how gratifying it was to watch boundaries work, how good it felt to defend my feeling of safety and protect my values.

I'm with Turkish, we look forward to getting to know you, Seesa. Tell us more when you get a chance!

[zachira]

It is not being mean setting healthy boundaries with disordered people. One of the reasons people refuse to change or get help for their disordered behaviors is because of the number of people who enable them. I once worked with addicts. I had to learn to not be as concerned as the addicts about their addictions, because if I was more worried about the detrimental effects of their addictions than they were, than they were completely discouraged from doing anything about their addictions. What kinds of boundaries are you considering setting with the family member and friend with personality disorders?

[Riv3rW0lf]

Hi Seesa,

I am with the others here, what feels mean for us is often healthy for many others.

I find I often feel, when I get angry, that I "lashed out"... Lashing out for me most often is just a small raise in my voice... It feels horrible, but I now realize it never is as bad as my mother's screams.

I think it is a matter of desensitizing yourself. The more healthy boundaries you uphold, the less mean you will feel.