How to make it second nature to treat your wife like she has BPD

[Husband2014]

My wife has BPD and when she’s not triggered things are quite smooth. The problem is she goes in and out of being triggered and sometimes I just forgot to use the mechanisms to calm her down and things blow out of proportion while I could have simply done something as simple as “are you scared of …….?” And of course things get out of hand real quick. The question to the resident experts here are how do you make this second nature?  Not saying I’ll be perfect because we all have a bad day but I still feel like I treat her like “she’s normal” and try to argue logically where it’s all 100% emotions with zero logic involved?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

I think when you are with someone 24/7, as opposed to it just being a job, then you will struggle to make it second nature 24/7. Mainly because you are human and you will get triggered sometimes yourself. Repetitiveness brings about frustration and shortening of the fuse.

Don't expect to be 100%. Worse thing is if you start guilting yourself for not being 100% all the time. BPD is like an internal pressure that has to come out somewhere at sometime. Best you can do is try your best to regulate it somewhat, you wont be able to eliminate it. The expectations and goal posts will just move