Extinction Burst?

[dtkm]

How do you know if someone’s actions are a part of an extinction burst?  I believe my husband has BPD. Trying to get some help, I started therapy about 6 months ago. At the time, my therapist mentioned extinction bursts…his rebelling to me changing and becoming me again!  My husband went into what I call BMode about 2 weeks ago. This is longer than his usual b modes which usually last about 5 days. The intensity is way less than normal, he literally is not talking to anyone in the house.m…he pretty much walks around like a zombie working out a lot and watching stand up comedy all of the time. Anywhere I go he leaves immediately! Though I noticed he went through my phone the other day and always seems to do stuff to get my attention. Could this be his extinction burst? How do I handle this?  It’s nice to be me again and have the b mode intensity lower, but the duration is killing me! Thought?

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[oinoxn]

Can you describe BMode.  Not sure what it means

[SinisterComplex]

Hello DTKM, welcome to the family.  . You will find a lot of support here. Feel free to share as much or as little as you want. No pressure here and this is a safe place.

All that I will ask as another poster did...please elaborate a little bit about what you mean by Bmode. I'm pretty sure I've deciphered what you are inferring, but please provide in your own words what this entails.

In the meantime please do yourself the service of being kind to YOU and taking care of yourself.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[dtkm]

Sorry...BMode is my way of saying that he is acting out.  He accuses me or my son and I of doing something.  It is usually related to me have his imagined affair or me being a bad mom and having horrible parenting skills.  It usually starts with an accusation of some kind.  Sometimes it continues with him yelling at me or one of my kids (his step kids), though this has lessoned since I have stopped responding to his yelling.  It then continues with him ignoring me and "my" kids and doing everything for "his" kids (my step daughter and our 2 kids together).  This usually lasts Monday or Tuesday until Friday.  But this past time it lasted about 3 weeks.   

[SinisterComplex]

Sorry...BMode is my way of saying that he is acting out.  He accuses me or my son and I of doing something.  It is usually related to me have his imagined affair or me being a bad mom and having horrible parenting skills.  It usually starts with an accusation of some kind.  Sometimes it continues with him yelling at me or one of my kids (his step kids), though this has lessoned since I have stopped responding to his yelling.  It then continues with him ignoring me and "my" kids and doing everything for "his" kids (my step daughter and our 2 kids together).  This usually lasts Monday or Tuesday until Friday.  But this past time it lasted about 3 weeks.   

Bmode is kind of an apt way of putting it. However, what I am referencing would be considered boundary testing. That is exactly what is going on. What you described is that perhaps he has caught on to the pattern and realized it has become too predictable for you and it is no longer gaining the desired response he is looking for. Therefore he changed it up. Look at it through that lens. You definitely need to be prepared for this because your boundaries are being pushed intentionally. I would not consider this to be all innocent at all. There is direct intent behind it.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-