Trying to deal with adult child with BPD

[MommaOfBPD]

Hello.  I am we to this group.
My husband andI have been dealing with an adult daughter (married and moved away).  She has been diagnosed with BPD.  When things go wrong in her life she calls or messages us and makes us feel terrible.  She blame us.  States she will tell family and friends how terrible we are and how we ruined her life.  Growing up she was given almost everything (within reason) she wanted.

We have been told Not to darken her door as we are not family.  There was a time I went to her place to help her.  She yelled at me for a day, ignored me the next day and the said “get out of my house.  Catch a plane and go home.”  She resides in a very small town over an hour from an airport and there are NO taxi’s.

If I do something for myself and she hears about it, I get accused of not caring about her and her BPD.  She accuses me of saying it I just a joke.

My husband and I are tired of this treatment. I have had to get a councillor (cancer and other health issues) and have been told to set boundaries with her.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[EllaRose68]

Hello , I’m also new to posting on here. I’m sorry to hear that your daughter has threatened to tell family how terrible you have been . I  can relate to this as my daughter says the same  to me . It helps to know others are hearing  and experiencing such similar things .

[By Still Water]

Hello and welcome, MommaofBPD,
     Same here. Our adult child  (lives far away) says the same things. We have healthy relationships with our other adult children. Good counselling is so vital, and I'm glad you seem to have it. We must constantly replace those heard, hurtful scripts with truthful declarations of love and support we gave. The 3 C's help: I didn't cause it; I can't control it; I can't cure it.