he hasn't blocked my number or social media

[Depression = 72% of members]

    This has been the single biggest thing that has messed with me during our break up.  We dated four months, she went silent started talking after three months got back together for two weeks, which was 24/7, then we had a disagreement, I was split black and ghosted, as much as you can do that in my city, seven months ago.  She has never blocked me on Social Media.  I have continued to message her at regular intervals, at first too much, now not as often.  I've called twice but that was just to tell her I had to be in her apartment building for business, and it wasn't about her.  Other than that I have not been in her physical presence at all, nowhere near her home or work.   Every few messages, I put at the end of the message that if she doesn't want to hear from me anymore that she just needs to tell me and I will "stop on a dime", even a one-word "Stop", or please block me.  She does not respond, she has not indicated that she wants me to stop and she has not blocked me.   Like someone else on this post, she blocked me when we had fights during the times we were dating, she knows how to do it.  Most of her exes and everyone else that have been removed from her life, including her twin sister, are blocked.  Of course most of them hate her.  Is this some sort of elaborate push-pull, am I being tested?  Despite all of this, if I thought I had one reasonably clean fresh start with her, not a charm, not a hookup, a real fresh start I'd want it.  If you would buy into the BPD literature, my role here would be to show my unwavering loyalty in an attempt to prove to her I'll never abandon her.  I understand that everyone under the stars and my therapist, view my own mind bending borderline ("pun") laughable.  I spend lot of time if I have completely gone off the deep end living in my own personal snow globe, but my gut tells me I'm doing the right thing.   I was there, I was dumped, I was split.  If my own life was in a different place, I'd move in the next couple of months but for reasons beyond this post, I won't be moving on and any relationship would be challenged.  And sadly, I don't want to move on, yet anyway.  My distance has increased, separation will come.  I try to worry less about my attachment and just let it happen.  But of all the things about this relationship I was left to puzzle over, this is the one I have never come up with an answer too.  And whether she is blocking me or not she certainly isn't giving any indication she wants to hear from me either.  Thank you, I can't get anyone to really talking about this weird blocking / not blocking issue.

[NickAdams1917]

    This has been the single biggest thing that has messed with me during our break up.  We dated four months, she went silent started talking after three months got back together for two weeks, which was 24/7, then we had a disagreement, I was split black and ghosted, as much as you can do that in my city, seven months ago.  She has never blocked me on Social Media.  I have continued to message her at regular intervals, at first too much, now not as often.  I've called twice but that was just to tell her I had to be in her apartment building for business, and it wasn't about her.  Other than that I have not been in her physical presence at all, nowhere near her home or work.   Every few messages, I put at the end of the message that if she doesn't want to hear from me anymore that she just needs to tell me and I will "stop on a dime", even a one-word "Stop", or please block me.  She does not respond, she has not indicated that she wants me to stop and she has not blocked me.   Like someone else on this post, she blocked me when we had fights during the times we were dating, she knows how to do it.  Most of her exes and everyone else that have been removed from her life, including her twin sister, are blocked.  Of course most of them hate her.  Is this some sort of elaborate push-pull, am I being tested?  Despite all of this, if I thought I had one reasonably clean fresh start with her, not a charm, not a hookup, a real fresh start I'd want it.  If you would buy into the BPD literature, my role here would be to show my unwavering loyalty in an attempt to prove to her I'll never abandon her.  I understand that everyone under the stars and my therapist, view my own mind bending borderline ("pun") laughable.  I spend lot of time if I have completely gone off the deep end living in my own personal snow globe, but my gut tells me I'm doing the right thing.   I was there, I was dumped, I was split.  If my own life was in a different place, I'd move in the next couple of months but for reasons beyond this post, I won't be moving on and any relationship would be challenged.  And sadly, I don't want to move on, yet anyway.  My distance has increased, separation will come.  I try to worry less about my attachment and just let it happen.  But of all the things about this relationship I was left to puzzle over, this is the one I have never come up with an answer too.  And whether she is blocking me or not she certainly isn't giving any indication she wants to hear from me either.  Thank you, I can't get anyone to really talking about this weird blocking / not blocking issue.

[AdRock]

My best advice is you are going to drive yourself nuts trying to figure out why she is or is not doing something.  The truth might even hurt worse if you were somehow to actually know.  My ex never blocked me on social (not yet anyway) and I have done my best not to reach out.  I am sure if she ever does, it would hurt badly and trigger me.  And I sometimes wonder if it is because she is actually getting better but the truth might be she just is not thinking much about me at all.  Best advice, and I understand you want to reconcile (believe me, I still do too), but try to carry on as much as you can.  It is hard, and I am not good at it yet either, but it is unhealthy to worry too much about what she is thinking and if any of it relates to you at all.

[kells76]

Good advice from AdRock who has "been there done that".

Blocking/not blocking/blocking on one SM channel but not others... members here have seen any and all combinations and permutations.

Often people here are in the same position as you: wondering "what does she mean, what does it all mean", and trying to make sense of it.

One thing for you to think about re: BPD is that it stands for "Borderline Personality Disorder" (which you obviously know, I know!). If we dissect that a little bit:

-borderline: a descriptor to show that behaviors/traits/trends occupy the narrow border between neurotic behaviors (think: OCD, obsessions, maybe paranoia, etc) and psychotic behaviors (perceptions, choices, actions that aren't tethered to reality -- again, maybe paranoia, plus delusions, projections, etc). Psychotic-type choices won't make sense in reality because by definition psychoses aren't connected to reality.

-personality: the issue isn't one of "just didn't have enough info, but can be enlightened" or "a good explanation will help". it's a pervasive and all encompassing mental organization (lenses) that is very difficult to change, and that can be characterized by "all or nothing" thinking and harmfully intense emotional highs and lows, among other things.

-disorder: it's not a very functional personality organization, especially for having close intimate relationships. typically, the closer you are in relationship to a pwBPD, the more the 3 letters (B-P-D) stand out. So, because you were in a romantic relationship with her, you have seen some un-explainable behavior and you're trying to wrap your head around it.

The blocking/not blocking likely won't make sense from a "broadly normal" point of view, like yours.

It "makes sense" to her on some level as it's probably a move that is emotionally stabilizing for her. It's meeting some emotional need for her, even though if you were in the same position, you'd make different choices, because your brain and personality aren't disordered.

...

The key question for you may be less "why is she doing X" and more "what do I want moving forward?"

I'd definitely recommend checking out AdRock's posts and interacting with him, as he has had similar questions.

And welcome to the group -- keep posting whenever you need to.

[AdRock]

More than happy to talk to anyone here.  I'm still in the midst of feeling it but it has felt a little different for me of late.  But I'll do what I can if it helps someone move forward.

[Gravwurms]

My ex has not blocked my number as well. When I first met her she told me she had to block her last boyfriend cause he was calling her all kinds of nasty names etc blah blah probably a lie who knows. I think it has to do with abandonment issues not letting go all the way. They have a hard time truly detaching from ex partners from what I read.