Heartbroken

[SoSoSad]

Hi there. Just out of a failed relationship with a lover who has BPD. He made me feel so special - cherished - he called me precious. He turned on me and I went from feeling that I could do nothing wrong in his eyes to feeling I could do nothing right in his eyes. I’m pulling myself apart trying to understand how much of this breakup belongs to me. Am I toxic?  Am I manipulative?  Am I co-dependent?  I’m making spreadsheets of the traits and behaviors and marking the ones that I think could be me. I’m not sure if it’s helping or hurting but it’s better than doing nothing. The loss hurts so much.

[once removed]

hi SoSoSad,

the silver lining is that youve found a community that really does understand what youre going through, and we can tell you that it really does get better from here.

unfortunately, its a marathon, not a sprint.

what happened that led to the breakup?

[SoSoSad]

I’m not even sure how it happened. Our relationship had been erratic for years. Maybe I should have seen this coming.
 He has depression and is diagnosed with bipolar as well as BPD and he attempted suicide in July of 2021.  He sent me pictures of a noose he had tied and he told me his plans to use it. I was 250 miles away and had to call 911 to get help to him. He berated me for doing so, but he got some treatment and was put on meds.  His therapist took him off the meds (Lithium and Wellbutrin) in March and the depression got worse. We had a blow up when I told him his depression was having a bad impact on me. I do not fault him for having mental illness but I do hold him responsible for getting help for it. He cursed me out and broke up with me. Three weeks later I was on a business trip and he turned up at my client. We had the weekend together and when we got back, he turned on me again. I’ve been trying to figure out what I did wrong since May but he tells me to figure it out.

I can’t figure it out.