HELP, what is happening?

[15years]

The "health crisis" that started last Saturday has gone on without pause since then. Every night she wakes up and walks back and forth in the room in panic about what is happening to her. Last night I sent her with a taxi to the A&E, the third time she went there since last Saturday. It was a relief to have her there today but now she's home again. They do not find anything clearly wrong with her. Is there a name for this? She has been throwing up and not been sleeping much at all since Saturday morning. Complains about pains in her lower belly.

I do not find any information if a Panic Attack can go on for days. Anyone ever experienced this?

She has even suggested going to a psych ward so she's desperate. Maybe this is rock bottom, should I push for the psych ward?

The boys seems strangely unaffected by this. Maybe because I have stayed calm too.

[BigOof]

What do you think is causing it?

[zaqsert]

15years, sorry you're going through this. Good for you for staying calm and doing what you can not to get caught up in it.

In your prior thread, Cat Familiar brought up somatization. In my experience, my stbx uBPDw does a lot of this, and it increases when she has strong emotions or when it seems she may start to realize the effect of her behaviors.

Then it's stomach pain, headache, back pain, too tired and falls asleep for most of the day, or can't sleep at night, anxiety, you name it. It's both sad and amazing to see how real these things become for her.

For a better part of a year, she said she felt as though "something is off". She couldn't say what it was, but it worried her terribly and worsened the anxiety that she already felt. Periodically she said she was afraid she would likely die from whatever it was. But when I suggested she talk with her doctor and her therapist, I don't think she ever did.

It's probably good that your boys seem generally unaffected by it. Our daughter over time started to realize that her mom's ailments came and went, with apparently no explanation. And she seemed to start seeing the patterns of mood and behavior as they related to her mom suddenly not feeling well. So over time, our daughter more and more ignored it and went about her own thing.

[15years]

Somatizing (converting psychological concerns into physical symptoms) is common.

Once one physical complaint is dealt with, another will emerge—as long as the underlying psychological problem remains unresolved.

My husband has backaches, then shoulder aches, then stubs his toe, then headaches, etc.

Dr. John Sarno, a specialist in rehabilitation medicine, wrote several books on this topic. Here’s a quick overview: https://www.morrisonhealth.com/sarno-method-psychosomatic-symptoms/

Sorry I answer here in this newer thread..

Is there any way to presen psychosomatic symproms to her without it turning into a weapon against me? She will probably get renewed ideas about me being an abuser. And that I am the cause of her current health problems.

[15years]

What do you think is causing it?

I have two cousins who have something they call "exhaustion syndrome", it's a popular self diagnosis that isn't an official diagnosis in my country, but in Sweden it is. They claim it is a brain disorder and not a mental disorder, caused by a long time of performing over ones capacity, or example pressuring oneself with studies and work at the same time.

They haven't reported throwing up, but they need people around them to do everything for them when the sickness is at its worst. Also they say you never fully recover from it.

I'm not sure it's a real issue, it's a little suspicious. I think it could be psychosomatic.

I think my wife could lean into this diagnose too even if she has showed contempt for it in the past. A lot of the things she describe fits in to the criteria for that diagnose.

[15years]

15years, sorry you're going through this. Good for you for staying calm and doing what you can not to get caught up in it.

In your prior thread, Cat Familiar brought up somatization. In my experience, my stbx uBPDw does a lot of this, and it increases when she has strong emotions or when it seems she may start to realize the effect of her behaviors.

Then it's stomach pain, headache, back pain, too tired and falls asleep for most of the day, or can't sleep at night, anxiety, you name it. It's both sad and amazing to see how real these things become for her.

For a better part of a year, she said she felt as though "something is off". She couldn't say what it was, but it worried her terribly and worsened the anxiety that she already felt. Periodically she said she was afraid she would likely die from whatever it was. But when I suggested she talk with her doctor and her therapist, I don't think she ever did.

It's probably good that your boys seem generally unaffected by it. Our daughter over time started to realize that her mom's ailments came and went, with apparently no explanation. And she seemed to start seeing the patterns of mood and behavior as they related to her mom suddenly not feeling well. So over time, our daughter more and more ignored it and went about her own thing.

Thank you for sharing it sounds very familiar! "Something is off" sounds familiar

My wife's symptoms started when I started standing up for myself more. She would probably say it was from the stress of me threatening to leave her.

How have you been coping with it yourself? Has she ever begged you to stay home from work to be with her when she's sick? Have you made sacrifices to be with her when she has been "in need"?

Ironically, I developed tonsillitis this week and I'm now on penicillin.

[Notwendy]

I have seen this with BPD mother.

Being "sick" puts someone in victim mode. You are supposed to be concerned and care for her "rescuer".

I would not advise discussing somatization with her. You are not the doctor- let her medical providers discuss medical issues with her.

Somaticizing doesn't mean it doesn't feel real to her. She may very well be experiencing these symptoms. Discussing them as having an emotional cause could feel invalidating to her.

Don't expect any sympathy or care from her for your sore throat. That reverses the victim - rescuer roles. From what I have seen, that doesn't go well.

Does she have a primary doctor? Emergency rooms deal with emergencies. Their role is to determine if the person needs emergency care right at the moment. Of course if she's in distress suddenly- that is where she should go, but for something that is on going like this, seeing her primary doctor is where something that is ongoing can be better worked out. If it is determined that it is somatic, the doctor may then recommend mental health or counseling. I think the primary care doctor is the next best step.

[Cat Familiar]

Though the symptoms may be elicited through an emotional cause, that doesn’t mean they aren’t real to the sufferer. Western medicine has made a demarcation point between physical and mental health, something not embraced by other cultures that wholistically look at the mind-body continuum.

That you noted these symptoms showed up once you began standing up for yourself seems to indicate a clear pattern that she is responding differently to you behaving differently.

Her suggestion of checking herself into the psych ward also seems to indicate a willingness to look within for solutions to this issue. Clearly that would be something I would support if I were you. You’ve struggled with her mental health issues; it would be a good opening to get professionals involved, as clearly she needs help that a spouse cannot provide.

[ForeverDad]

My wife's symptoms started when I started standing up for myself more. She would probably say it was from the stress of me threatening to leave her.

You changed and so she adapted to your changes, negatively of course, I suspect somewhat akin to a mini extinction burst.  Yet another manner of overreaction.

Extinction Bursts - Important to Understand when your Loved One has BPD.

When our partner doesn’t get the expected response (reinforcement by us) it may scare or anger them and they may try harder to engage us using threats, violence, destruction, intimidation, name calling, belittling, promises of withholding necessary things, retaliation, or any other painful thing they can think of to get us to engage.   This escalation is know as an extinction burst.

Extinction Burst - The term extinction burst describes the phenomena of behavior temporarily getting worse, not better, when the reinforcement stops...
They won’t like this, but it is necessary for them to experience and to learn to self sooth their own frustrations in life.  It is what will bring on the opportunity for change...