Affects of Marriage

[Mushu]

Does getting married often trigger fear of engulfment in those with BPD, causing their behavior to deteriorate?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

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[LifewithEase]

Related question. I think I read on this board somewhere that married BPD people get worse over time. That the negative actions and words might be apparent early on but over time it becomes considerably worse. If so, why?

[bluebutterflies]

My posts can show you what has happened after we got married (only married for 7 months, together for 5 years). People in my posts have shared that marriage is an obligation so it is more difficult for the non-bpd partner to leave. You can't just up and go, you have to go through a legal process. For the person with BPD, it both can trigger their fears more intensely, but also give them a safety net to split more. Since pwBPD have intense fear of abandonment, it is tenfold when they are now married. It doesn't make sense, but it is common. Big life events and changes can also trigger this as well.

NotWendy says "This is a paradox but BPD impacts the most intimate of relationships the most. The fact that his behaviors increased after you married and moved overseas is consistent with this. That made the commitment stronger. What you may see is that his behaviors begin to improve as the end of your lease approaches. He may be at his best right before it's time to sign the lease. Once signed though, then the bothersome behaviors may increase."

[Couscous]

Yes, this is a common pattern with BPD.