Is it possible to tell everything/anything to your pwBPD?

[Buddy Joe]

I'm pretty sure that's why everyone walks on eggshells when we talk to our beloved BPD partners.

My questions is at the beginning I could tell her everything. As our relationship progressed that's the time I noticed that I needed to be careful with the things I say because it could either trigger her or be misunderstood. She noticed the changes and doesn't appreciate that I am becoming careful because for her it is a slap on the face that she can't control herself.

I feel bad that she tells me we don't share that anymore. But at the same time that's why we have friends to also fill the void or they are there for us because there's also things we can't openly talk to our partner about. Am I making sense? I'm all about balancing my life while my pwBPD either fights or flight. No room for balance and all extremes.

She compares me with her best friends that she can tell them anything with no filter but when it comes to me, she's cautious because she's frank as hell and sometimes too honest that she hurts my feelings. We're at this point that she tells me she's not comfortable talking to me anymore.

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[Rev]

Hi Buddy Joe ...

I'd agree with you on this one - at least from my personal experience. My guess is that because in sharing personal information, which develops personal intimacy and a bond with someone else, that, for a pwBPD will eventually hit a limit.  Intimacy is impossible for a pwBPD, at least over the long term.

Rev

[Buddy Joe]

I'd agree with you on this one - at least from my personal experience. My guess is that because in sharing personal information, which develops personal intimacy and a bond with someone else, that, for a pwBPD will eventually hit a limit.  Intimacy is impossible for a pwBPD, at least over the long term.

What holds her back from telling me other things would be that she's careful of how I would react, let's just say that most likely in the past relationships she had, no one stayed with her as long as I did to connect the dots. That's why she puts those before me in a pedestal that despite them not knowing her illness they still loved her, understood her and was patient with her. Even if she had sex and cheated like it was nothing, she told me that her ex-GF then just accepted her and didn't even get mad. I wonder why that was the reaction of her partner before.

So she only experienced the high times with those ex-partners, sure there may be episodes that are out of this world, but then again they didn't experience it for longer periods of time.

She would always tell me how lucky I am because I had her at her best. She was nastier many years back and wouldn't respect her partner even if she sees how uncomfortable or hurt they were for how impulsive she was and just leaves them just like that.

[Riv3rW0lf]

What holds her back from telling me other things would be that she's careful of how I would react, let's just say that most likely in the past relationships she had, no one stayed with her as long as I did to connect the dots.

Consider projective identification.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=155638.0

You are walking on eggshells because she likely is borderline. She has outbursts, difficult to predict. So you don't feel as uncomfortable telling her things, which is understandable.

However, pwBPD cannot stand shame. So often they will basically send back to you your own uncomfort, saying they are the ones uncomfortable to tell you things. It makes them easier for them, and you are left having to carry the shame of their outbursts.