Will my BPD ex come back even after she had just blocked me on everything?

[TheGafferGuy]

I guess my story is very similar to the many forums I've read on this site but let me give you a quick backstory. I'm a very giving person, not only when it comes to significant other but all of those loved ones around. I fell in love more and more each day with my BPD ex over the course of a 2 year relationship.  We’ve had on of the most wholesome and healthy relationships. I quickly realized that she was definitely “the one”, and she thought the same about me. I gave her diamond promise ring. We have genuinely healed most of each other’s traumas and I was always there to support her. I made her the apple of my eye, my crown and jewel and I made sure she felt it everyday till the last day. She loved that; she loved me just as insanely as I loved her. I supported her through every impulsive dream she had and always reassured her that she is allowed to keep searching for something that she can be passionate about because I'll make sure she reaches her dreams. I also was one of the main reasons she went to get a diagnosis, I stuck with her all the way, I was there in every session waiting outside so she know that there is someone who is always going to have her back. If I could, I would do all of these things again happily. pwBPD deserve to be loved.

However, a month ago, she went to her country for a holiday and everything changed when she came back she started expressing her feelings of doubt and fear of the future. First she wanted to break up because of complications with my parents, my culture, her not having a job and whether she wants to live in Dubai for the rest of her life. After a very long conversation I managed to logically solve all of these issues. Then, after I came back from my job (I spent two weeks in a remote location), I went to see her and she was so sure that she had to be alone in this part of her life in order for her to grow without external help. She wanted to stand up on her two feet by herself, which I am completely for but not while eliminating me out of the picture and I even explained how she can do it. Therefore, she wanted to break up yet again, until I convinced her that she should try and give us a chance before taking such a life altering decision. We both agreed to be normal for one month and see if it works out, however, she ended it for good just 13 days in, just a few days before our 2 year anniversary. She kept telling me how this is what her soul wanted and that I should not wait for her to want to be in a relationship again. We actually broke up this time, I cried and pleaded but there was no use. Five days went by and during that time, my thoughts were too loud, most of my questions were unanswered and I just didn’t understand anything at all. I couldn’t understand how she could throw away two of the best years of our lives just like that. So I showed up at her doorstep while fully not able to contain myself claiming that if she wants me to move on I deserve some answers. 

Not only did she break up with me, but she also told me that she realized that she wasn’t in love with me anymore. She explained how she might have never even been in love with me and that she doesn't even know what love is. I asked if after time passes would she be with me and she replied, “No, I don’t want to be in a relationship with you ever. We had a very special relationship with the purest form of love but let’s just leave like that. We both helped each other heal in so many ways but this is necessary”

She also said during our B/U:

- That I was the most amazing thing that has happened in her life.
- That she is so comfortable and happy with me ( but life isn't all about happiness).
- That she doesn't worry if anything bad happens because she knows she has me.
- That she cares about me so much


Anyway, we held each other, kissed and said goodbye. I could see that even though she was being a brick wall, it was still getting to her. She wanted to give me the promise ring back but I refused. She cried a little then I left.

A week goes by and I was still devastated, I tried talking to her but I was met with very little and an extremely cold attitude even though at that point I had done some research on BPD and was telling her that I understood her in ways I never have before. She just told me "I heard you, now can you please move on". I still didn't get angry, I said goodbye very warmly. Then after a week I texted her again declaring my love for her and and i went by her house, I was still met harshly and was blocked only on Whatsapp. She even had her father( has BPD) call me to rescue her, even though she hates him but always craves his attention. A few days after that she posted that she was #sosexuallyfrustrated on her tumblr account and I responded to her then she blocked me on everything while still leaving me a back door unblocked on one of her other instagram accounts. This is my first discard btw.

For the meantime, I have a strategy. I'll leave her alone for 2 and a half weeks and then reassure her that I still am here for her by just texting "I hope you are doing okay, How have you been" if we start talking again then great. If not, then two weeks after that I will send a letter i'm writing  that will explain what love meant for me, how much she means to me, how much i better understand her and will be willing to change, how even if she has never loved me that I could try making her fall in love with me for the first time, how excited I am to see who she discovers herself to be and that if we engage in a relationship we'll take it slow with no pressure.

I honestly love her and I know for a fact that I am capable of withstanding the chaos.

Do you think she will come back?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Jabiru]

Hi and welcome I can understand your feelings after your relationship so far. People with BPD can have black and white thinking about things or people, so it can seem illogical at times. I think all you can do is let her know you're open to getting back together and leave it at that. A relationship takes two people to engage in it. If/until then, take some time for yourself and relax, do some things that bring you joy. The book Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist may help with a positive mindset. It helped me and my relationship, and I think it can help others and their current or future relationships.

[AnotherVictim]

Dear Gafferguy

It's so unbeliveable hard to fathom. There's no reason to the madness, no explanation, no remose, no compassion, no empathy, just mindnumbing cold, a complet lack of human emotion. People say people with bpd feel everything more than normal people, that they wear their emotions on the outside, which is the reason for the often, explosive, erratic behaviour, but I find it difficult to accept, that anyone who can feel that much, can turn on a plate and be colder than ice.

My situation is almost identical to your i.e. out of nowhere, "I'm done, can't feel the love anymore, I've tried but can't find it, bye".

I haven't hear anything from my ex- except the odd "stay away" whenever I've tried to reach out, write her, send her an sms. Ghosting like a child, etc.

I can't answer it, but would you really want her back? I ask myself this question and even though my rationality say "run, run you fool", my feelings haven't caught up to my reason and I want her back.

[arjay]

..."I will send a letter i'm writing  that will explain what love meant for me, how much she means to me, how much i better understand her and will be willing to change, how even if she has never loved me that I could try making her fall in love with me for the first time...."

If I was your best-bud; someone you grew up-with; you always hung-out with; someone always there through ups and downs, and you asked me about the relationship "break-up" and I told you I sent her a letter with the above, what would you advise?

Is she your "Moby-Dick"?  Your "White Whale" (from the novel) that will cause you to lose yourself?  Is it possible to make someone love us, especially someone that suffers from a serious emotional disorder?