Finally reaching out

[Michael Anderson]

Hi everyone! It's hard to know where to begin with this. I've been in a 10 year relationship and have finally reached the point where I need help. To say my girlfriend is complicated is an understatement. My life is literally avoiding landmines. She has never been diagnosed with BPD but after doing some research and listening to the audiobook "Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder" I am almost certain this is what is going on...however, I am very careful not to diagnose someone. I am not a doctor nor a therapist. As long as I have known her she has claimed to suffer from depression and takes Celexa for it. Her behavior however doesn't appear to be a result of depression, however, Celexa does seem to calm the waters stabilize her behavior. When she is not on her medication, I essentially live with two different people. One is caring, loving (to a degree), sympathetic and understanding. The other is malicious, irritable at almost anything. She will lash out at any opportunity, manipulate any situation and use it as justification for her anger.

This is a very tricky situation for me. We live and run a successful business together. We share a car. We share friends. We have an adorable dog together. Nearly all of our time is spent together. I am usually the only person who witnesses this behavior but recently she lashed out at my family and our coworkers.

It is hard to condense every situation into a couple paragraphs. I've been dealing with this for so long it's difficult to know what is normal, healthy relationship behavior and what appears to be manipulation. I feel she needs real professional help before she destroys our business, our friends and our relationship. There is a lot to lose here for both of us.

Thank you guys for understanding.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

glad you decided to reach out!

it is a tireless task, loving someone with BPD traits. a lot of the "dos and donts" are really not intuitive. i learned those things years after the fact. im not sure they would have saved my relationship (and i mention that because far beyond BPD, we were very different in important ways, disagreed on fundamental things; we, personally werent meant to be), but they would have improved things drastically, and i would have created a far healthier situation, if only for myself.

the good news is youve found a support system, which experts will tell you is vital, and a place where you can share and explore all of these things with people that get it and have lived it. things can get better.

have you had a chance to read this; its a good place to start: https://bpdfamily.com/content/what-does-it-take-be-relationship

[Couscous]

I feel she needs real professional help before she destroys our business, our friends and our relationship.

It sounds like you have a lot at stake. While PwBPD can get definitely better in therapy, it generally takes a long time. What might be beneficial is for you to consult with a professional on what steps you can take to protect your business.

You might like this article about validation. I actually found the article and video more helpful than the chapter about validation in Loving Someone with BPD: https://www.bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-dont-be-invalidating