The end of friendship

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Friendship was going well between us. Untill it changed. He no longer wants to be my friend. As an adult I have never had a friendship officially ended like this. It feels cruel and OTT. It feels like he expected me to fight for friendship. I didnt fight. I stated he was chosing this action. I said I would miss him but accept him ending it. He kept flipping between saying his gf wanted him to end our friendship and then immediately saying it was him who needed to end it.

I feel sad and discarded. NC for a few weeks now. I am resisting reaching out. I have the urge to ask if this is what he wants. Does he not want me as a friend. I suspect I triggered his actions to end friendship because I am busy and said I may not see him irl for a few months. The mental pain is in me. I did not expect the physical pain and waves of feeling ill. I worry for him but need to put me first by not contacting him :'( I find my self questioning is it him, me, or the BpD? May be all 3. It is a horrible disorder. I feel sick knowing I will never see him again

[Silverdash]

Friendship was going well between us. Untill it changed. He no longer wants to be my friend. As an adult I have never had a friendship officially ended like this. It feels cruel and OTT. It feels like he expected me to fight for friendship. I didnt fight. I stated he was chosing this action. I said I would miss him but accept him ending it. He kept flipping between saying his gf wanted him to end our friendship and then immediately saying it was him who needed to end it.

I feel sad and discarded. NC for a few weeks now. I am resisting reaching out. I have the urge to ask if this is what he wants. Does he not want me as a friend. I suspect I triggered his actions to end friendship because I am busy and said I may not see him irl for a few months. The mental pain is in me. I did not expect the physical pain and waves of feeling ill. I worry for him but need to put me first by not contacting him :'( I find my self questioning is it him, me, or the BpD? May be all 3. It is a horrible disorder. I feel sick knowing I will never see him again

[tina7868]

I feel for you Silverdash! I am in a similar situation, except my ex kind of disappeared instead of explicitly saying that things were over.

It is normal to feel the way you feel. You cared about this person.

I feel sad and discarded.

When I find my thoughts taking this sort of turn, it sometimes helps me to flip their orientation. You feel like you are discarded, but what about the other side of the equation, as in what about his problematic behaviour that led to this situation? Do you deserve to be treated like that?

Sometimes that helps. Other times, it feels like the best thing to do is to accept. Accept your thoughts and feelings without necessarily identifying with them. That can help ease the mental pain, because sometimes pain comes from fighting the way we feel.

I worry for him but need to put me first by not contacting him :'(

Yes to putting you first! You cannot control his actions, but you can control yours.

Are there things in your life that make you excited? Goals you are working towards? Be kind and compassionate with yourself, and take the time to do things that make you feel good. Or even, if feeling good seems too far of a reach for now, aim for feeling okay.

[Silverdash]

It's taking considerable effort by me to not reply to his apologies and his final Goodbye text. Right now I feel like writing:

"Your final actions towards me have revealed who you truly are. Goodbye"

I have nothing to gain by sending it. Part of me, the childish part, wants to hurt him. Logical me knows it will either be ignored or trigger a hurtful reply/behavior. Neither benefit me. Both would make me feel crappy. I feel so foolish for thinking our friendship was possible.

[Silverdash]

Thank you @tina7868

[tina7868]

I have nothing to gain by sending it. Part of me, the childish part, wants to hurt him. Logical me knows it will either be ignored or trigger a hurtful reply/behavior. Neither benefit me. Both would make me feel crappy. I feel so foolish for thinking our friendship was possible.

I don't think it's foolish; this person was important to you.

Although it may not feel like it, not replying or reacting is its own response as well.