After a breakup, feeling alone and hurt

[Help_Seeker]

Hello everyone. I'm writing this now because I saw this is a safe space to share my experience and seek for some help.

My relationship with my BPD partner started by her approaching me at work, we then got into a place where we both didn't want a relationship so we started a mostly sexual relationship. It was actually incredible, both the way she treated me and our sex life.

Obviously since everything was so amazing we both ended up developing feeling for each other, which made her go into a phase of pushing me away and pulling me for about 2 weeks, when we both admitted having feelings and we decided to try a relationship (after about 3 months of mostly sexual relationship)

Everything was amazing, couldn't ask for a better girlfriend, and honestly I was nothing but understanding, listening, trying to read more to understand her, accepting and basically telling her I will show her how a relationship should really be because she only experieotoxic ones. but then she started having depressive episodes, she started questioning our relationship, and it's been about a month of her being more and more depressed, telling me I can do better than her but I kept telling her she is all I want and she is perfect to me.

She then decided to breakup with me, after 3 months of sexual relationship and 3 months of a romantic relationship. The breakup was hard, she told me I was the best thing that ever happened to her and she cried that she cannot accept me in her life. We then agreed we are good for each other and decided to stay friends. It's also important to mention we still work together.

After 2-3 days, she started not answering my texts as a friend. So I came up to her at work asking about it, but she said we need some time apart.

2 weeks into the breakup I asked her how the depression is, she told me it's all good and that she isn't sad at all, not even om our breakup, I then asked her if it means she doesn't love me anymore, she said she does but she is pushing away any type of feeling, good and bad.

That's where the guy from work steps in... He is flirting with her all the time in front of my face, and since it was a secret we dated, I cannot tell him a thing.
I can't stand hearing her laughing so loud cause of him, and him approaching her all the time, while she barely talks to me or is giving me any attention

I feel so much pain everytime it happens, I can't seem to get over the breakup because she brings back all of the emotions every time, while she feels nothing.

It's been 3 weeks now, barely eat, I barely get out of bed, I'm tired all the time and generally in a bad place.
I do go to therapy which so far doesn't help

What should I do? I don't wanna quit my job just because she is there, I try to ignore her but it's very hard.

Thank you for reading everything and sorry for how long that is.

[SinisterComplex]

Hello everyone. I'm writing this now because I saw this is a safe space to share my experience and seek for some help.

My relationship with my BPD partner started by her approaching me at work, we then got into a place where we both didn't want a relationship so we started a mostly sexual relationship. It was actually incredible, both the way she treated me and our sex life.

Obviously since everything was so amazing we both ended up developing feeling for each other, which made her go into a phase of pushing me away and pulling me for about 2 weeks, when we both admitted having feelings and we decided to try a relationship (after about 3 months of mostly sexual relationship)

Everything was amazing, couldn't ask for a better girlfriend, and honestly I was nothing but understanding, listening, trying to read more to understand her, accepting and basically telling her I will show her how a relationship should really be because she only experieotoxic ones. but then she started having depressive episodes, she started questioning our relationship, and it's been about a month of her being more and more depressed, telling me I can do better than her but I kept telling her she is all I want and she is perfect to me.

She then decided to breakup with me, after 3 months of sexual relationship and 3 months of a romantic relationship. The breakup was hard, she told me I was the best thing that ever happened to her and she cried that she cannot accept me in her life. We then agreed we are good for each other and decided to stay friends. It's also important to mention we still work together.

After 2-3 days, she started not answering my texts as a friend. So I came up to her at work asking about it, but she said we need some time apart.

2 weeks into the breakup I asked her how the depression is, she told me it's all good and that she isn't sad at all, not even om our breakup, I then asked her if it means she doesn't love me anymore, she said she does but she is pushing away any type of feeling, good and bad.

That's where the guy from work steps in... He is flirting with her all the time in front of my face, and since it was a secret we dated, I cannot tell him a thing.
I can't stand hearing her laughing so loud cause of him, and him approaching her all the time, while she barely talks to me or is giving me any attention

I feel so much pain everytime it happens, I can't seem to get over the breakup because she brings back all of the emotions every time, while she feels nothing.

It's been 3 weeks now, barely eat, I barely get out of bed, I'm tired all the time and generally in a bad place.
I do go to therapy which so far doesn't help

What should I do? I don't wanna quit my job just because she is there, I try to ignore her but it's very hard.

Thank you for reading everything and sorry for how long that is.

Hello and welcome to the Fam.  You would be correct in your assessment that this is indeed a safe place. You will probably be surprised by how much support and help you will receive. I, myself will be here support you as well as my team and the rest of the community. The more you put in the more you get back. Do not feel afraid or insecure about asking any questions and do not feel ashamed to share things. Believe me we all get it here. Additionally, when you think you have experienced the worst or the craziest...well my friend trust me when I tell you that there are stories here that seem incomprehensible, but yet they are indeed true stories. Some of these experiences and stories are so wild that to be false means we would be living in an alternate reality.

Now with that said I will be checking back in later on you. I will tag my team in as well.

In the meantime, please be kind to YOU and take care of yourself.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[Help_Seeker]

Thank you so much. I feel so confused because I have never experienced such feelings as depression and crying for so long, and I have been through rough breakups before.
Perhaps it's also important to mention I'm dealing with a chronic disease that is not reacting well to my condition
I'll be waiting for your team and generally other people to reply
Thank you!

[Turkish]

Hi Help_Seeker,

I'd like to join SinisterComplex in welcoming you here.

Working together still? Ouch, that must be rough, even more seeing the other guy flirt. BPD breakups do seem to be harder on us than other relationships, to be sure. If I'm reading you right, do you feel the need to warn the other guy?

What in therapy Isn't helping?

This stood out to me;

Everything was amazing, couldn't ask for a better girlfriend, and honestly I was nothing but understanding, listening, trying to read more to understand her, accepting and basically telling her I will show her how a relationship should really be because she only experieotoxic ones. but then she started having depressive episodes, she started questioning our relationship, and it's been about a month of her being more and more depressed, telling me I can do better than her but I kept telling her she is all I want and she is perfect to me.

How did she respond when you told her that?

PwBPD tend to idealize loved ones, until their inner voice of core shame about themselves rears its head, he/she can't really love me because I'm undeserving of being loved.

Certain beliefs can keep us from healing and moving forward, check it out:

https://bpdfamily.com/content/surviving-break-when-your-partner-has-borderline-personality

[Tupla Sport]

Hello and welcome!

Thank you for sharing. Your story sounds very familiar and I am sorry you find yourself in it. It is confusing and painful.

I'm getting a little self-conscious always inserting my own story to someone else's post but what can I do, I'm still in the first phases of getting over a BPD breakup myself and the stories here have powerful effects on me. Wednesday marked the fourth week of no contact.

Let me tell you that even though you're obviously hurting right now, you got a wonderful outcome in the end. The pattern of the BPD person rejecting the idea of the relationship so early on means you were not ensnared further.

I myself had a very similar setting with my BPD ex. At around the 3 month mark of dating, she started having the same kind of episodes you described. And you know what? At the 6 month mark, I was exhausted, out of my wits and having to ask her semi-estranged family to step in. And I ended up dating her for a total of 2 years! A lot of people end up marrying these people and spending decades with them only to be cut out! You and me, we got off easy!

It did not get better after the 6 month mark. It just went from her having "quiet" episodes of self-loathing to lashing out at me when the fantasy crumbled around her. She started getting involved with my best friend early on. She would fawn for him, laugh loudly at his jokes when we were together and keep messaging him on at least Instagram, probably Whatsapp too. She ended up asking me for a break when we had a nasty fight some 6 weeks ago. She asked me to trust her, to let her go. Two weeks later she wanted to break up with me and had already been on multiple dates with the friend I mentioned earlier. I lost a girlfriend of 2 years and best friend of 7 years on one swing.

BPD breakups tend to hurt immensely no matter how long or short the relationship was comparatively. I am in no way saying you should feel instantly better knowing some people have longer relationships with people with BPD. 6 months is plenty of time to get involved and in a way, it's a timeframe where you might be even more confused than if the relationship had been longer. I know if my relationship had ended at the 6 month mark I would have been a lot more confused about what was going on than I am now.

[Help_Seeker]

Hi Help_Seeker,

I'd like to join SinisterComplex in welcoming you here.

Working together still? Ouch, that must be rough, even more seeing the other guy flirt. BPD breakups do seem to be harder on us than other relationships, to be sure. If I'm reading you right, do you feel the need to warn the other guy?

What in therapy Isn't helping?

This stood out to me;

How did she respond when you told her that?

PwBPD tend to idealize loved ones, until their inner voice of core shame about themselves rears its head, he/she can't really love me because I'm undeserving of being loved.

Certain beliefs can keep us from healing and moving forward, check it out:

https://bpdfamily.com/content/surviving-break-when-your-partner-has-borderline-personality

Thank you for your answer.
I do not feel the need to warn the other guy, I do feel the need to stop the thing that is happening between them Infront of my eyes because I can't stand the jealousy.

Regarding to how she reacted to me saying I will show her how a good relationship should look like, she was very happy about it due to her experience with her exes, all cheating, violent, or just mean. Which I was never to her, only kisses, hugs, care and affection.

I found the link u sent me about a week ago, it does help but also very hard to accept, especially because I still see her a lot.

[Help_Seeker]

Hello and welcome!

Thank you for sharing. Your story sounds very familiar and I am sorry you find yourself in it. It is confusing and painful.

I'm getting a little self-conscious always inserting my own story to someone else's post but what can I do, I'm still in the first phases of getting over a BPD breakup myself and the stories here have powerful effects on me. Wednesday marked the fourth week of no contact.

Let me tell you that even though you're obviously hurting right now, you got a wonderful outcome in the end. The pattern of the BPD person rejecting the idea of the relationship so early on means you were not ensnared further.

I myself had a very similar setting with my BPD ex. At around the 3 month mark of dating, she started having the same kind of episodes you described. And you know what? At the 6 month mark, I was exhausted, out of my wits and having to ask her semi-estranged family to step in. And I ended up dating her for a total of 2 years! A lot of people end up marrying these people and spending decades with them only to be cut out! You and me, we got off easy!

It did not get better after the 6 month mark. It just went from her having "quiet" episodes of self-loathing to lashing out at me when the fantasy crumbled around her. She started getting involved with my best friend early on. She would fawn for him, laugh loudly at his jokes when we were together and keep messaging him on at least Instagram, probably Whatsapp too. She ended up asking me for a break when we had a nasty fight some 6 weeks ago. She asked me to trust her, to let her go. Two weeks later she wanted to break up with me and had already been on multiple dates with the friend I mentioned earlier. I lost a girlfriend of 2 years and best friend of 7 years on one swing.

BPD breakups tend to hurt immensely no matter how long or short the relationship was comparatively. I am in no way saying you should feel instantly better knowing some people have longer relationships with people with BPD. 6 months is plenty of time to get involved and in a way, it's a timeframe where you might be even more confused than if the relationship had been longer. I know if my relationship had ended at the 6 month mark I would have been a lot more confused about what was going on than I am now.

Thank you for your answer, and thank you for sharing your story with me.
I won't lie, your story does make me a bit anxious for fully trusting her when we were together, so I'll try to shake that feeling off because it doesn't matter at this point since we broke up.

I did have the option in my mind that she is laughing out loud with the other guy to make me jealous or something but I think I can never know what's inside her head.

I do hear a lot how lucky our kind is for not marrying these people, but it's too hard to accept at the moment... It's impossible to actually believe you are lucky for not marrying a girl you truly love, it will make sense probably when the feelings are gone.
But until then, it's brutal.

[DarkKnight]

So sorry to read your post and the hurt you are going through.  I know it doesnt mean much now since its been so soon-- as you mentioned -- but it will get better and thankfully you are getting this earlier than later.   Working in same place clearly isnt going to help with a quicker heal-- not sure if you can avoid her in that place as often as possible.   

I am currently on 3rd month since breakup and about 9 weeks of NC.

I had a 17 month relationship which included getting engaged with mine--  where the first 6 months were complete heaven and the last 11 months were complete hell.  The first sign I was given was just after the 6 month point and there were so many tests and trials she threw at me over the remaining months that I wish I would have ran away earlier-- on my terms.   I printed off and made a journal from my text messages of 17 months and went through them charting all the bad things that happened in that last 11 months as well as educating myself more on BPD-- and it actually has made me feel a lot better that getting out of this was the best thing that could have happened. The love in my heart for what it was early on  will take longer -- but I realized that if my brain was more powerful than my heart when it should have been-- a lot more pain would probably have been avoided.  -  And also realizing that there is nothing I could have done to change what happened other than leaving earlier--- the outcome was going to happen whether it was 6 months, 17 months or longer.  BPD brains are wired completely different and unless the pwBPD knows this and wants and gets proper treatment-- they will not change and will do what they did to us to every relationship they have going forward. 

Take the best care for yourself -- put yourself first-- its hard but will be rewarding in the long run.

[Help_Seeker]

So sorry to read your post and the hurt you are going through.  I know it doesnt mean much now since its been so soon-- as you mentioned -- but it will get better and thankfully you are getting this earlier than later.   Working in same place clearly isnt going to help with a quicker heal-- not sure if you can avoid her in that place as often as possible.   

I am currently on 3rd month since breakup and about 9 weeks of NC.

I had a 17 month relationship which included getting engaged with mine--  where the first 6 months were complete heaven and the last 11 months were complete hell.  The first sign I was given was just after the 6 month point and there were so many tests and trials she threw at me over the remaining months that I wish I would have ran away earlier-- on my terms.   I printed off and made a journal from my text messages of 17 months and went through them charting all the bad things that happened in that last 11 months as well as educating myself more on BPD-- and it actually has made me feel a lot better that getting out of this was the best thing that could have happened. The love in my heart for what it was early on  will take longer -- but I realized that if my brain was more powerful than my heart when it should have been-- a lot more pain would probably have been avoided.  -  And also realizing that there is nothing I could have done to change what happened other than leaving earlier--- the outcome was going to happen whether it was 6 months, 17 months or longer.  BPD brains are wired completely different and unless the pwBPD knows this and wants and gets proper treatment-- they will not change and will do what they did to us to every relationship they have going forward. 

Take the best care for yourself -- put yourself first-- its hard but will be rewarding in the long run.

Thank you for sharing your story with me.
I actually found out she was moved to sit in my room at the office, which makes it even more difficult for me

We were not engaged but we talked a lot about living our whole life together and she told me I was the first person to ever make her want to have future plans together.

Putting the amount of time aside, I do find similarities between us, both had our heart and feelings stronger than our mind, and now were paying the price for it.

May I ask, who initiated the breakup? And how are you dealing with it? Because I can't go fully NC due to the workplace, and I keep having withdrawals every few days when I see her, progress is just almost gone.

[DarkKnight]

Actually I initiated the breakup but it was kind of a no choice.   I walked in on her with another guy. Very troubling to say the least.      Prior to that-- she had many instances where my gut said she was having hook ups-- or having an affair --- but every time she would cry and plead with me with lies that my heart gave her the benefit of the doubt while my brain got pushed aside.  I saw my therapist before the break up-- I was asking my therapist about why my brain is creating scenarios giving me insecurity-- and she flipped the script on me and told me to Trust my gut.  She was so right.   So ultimately I asked for my ring back the evening I saw her with the guy-- she gave it back and told me she was unhappy with me -- 48 hours later she calls and tells me she loves me, she is sorry, and she needs to fix this as she wants to marry me.    6 hours later she calls me saying she needs a break-- I love her more than she loves me, I overdo the affection and while she still wants to marry me-- she needs a break.   10 days later she texts and asks for a day to pick up her belongings.  They manipulate, they lie, they cheat--- I think BPD also has some narcisst tendancies as well-- though I know not all people with this are the same-- but the stories are all so similar.  I miss what I had early on with her still--- BUT-- my brain has come to the forefront and I am so glad its over--- and taking care of myself.   Actually in the best shape of my life right now-- I have been working out and eating right these past 3 months--- feeling pretty good !   You can heal from this!

[Help_Seeker]

Actually I initiated the breakup but it was kind of a no choice.   I walked in on her with another guy. Very troubling to say the least.      Prior to that-- she had many instances where my gut said she was having hook ups-- or having an affair --- but every time she would cry and plead with me with lies that my heart gave her the benefit of the doubt while my brain got pushed aside.  I saw my therapist before the break up-- I was asking my therapist about why my brain is creating scenarios giving me insecurity-- and she flipped the script on me and told me to Trust my gut.  She was so right.   So ultimately I asked for my ring back the evening I saw her with the guy-- she gave it back and told me she was unhappy with me -- 48 hours later she calls and tells me she loves me, she is sorry, and she needs to fix this as she wants to marry me.    6 hours later she calls me saying she needs a break-- I love her more than she loves me, I overdo the affection and while she still wants to marry me-- she needs a break.   10 days later she texts and asks for a day to pick up her belongings.  They manipulate, they lie, they cheat--- I think BPD also has some narcisst tendancies as well-- though I know not all people with this are the same-- but the stories are all so similar.  I miss what I had early on with her still--- BUT-- my brain has come to the forefront and I am so glad its over--- and taking care of myself.   Actually in the best shape of my life right now-- I have been working out and eating right these past 3 months--- feeling pretty good !   You can heal from this!

Wow, I don't know what I would do if I saw her doing such a thing for me.. I was always trusting her enough to never check, and so did she. I'm very sorry to hear that's what you have experienced

I wish I could do what you did actually, but currently I cannot get myself to eat enough, not to mention working on myself in any aspect besides mental.

If you have any tips I'd love to hear cause I already lost 4-5% of my weight

[DarkKnight]

Well obviously I didnt have to see her anymore-- so that part is going to be completely different from your recovery to mine--- I will say reviewing the signs I chose to ignore and reading as much about BPD and Narcissm as well as Bi-Polar -- really helped me realize its not about me.  They have a pain when it comes to relationships-- especially as they get close.  They are afraid of abandonment which to the normal brain makes no sense why they do what they do to get rid of their partner-- but its what they do.  Educating myself from this site as well as other sites where I read similar stories -- and rehashing the signs where she was sabotaging leading up to her withdrawal from me-- helped me realize there is nothing we can do to help them.  They have to help themselves.   I try to live by a control what I can control and dont worry about what cannot be controlled-- and this is one of those cases.   Yes I think of her daily--- yes I read this website forums and others like Quora and Reddit daily--- but each time I read them-- I feel it strengthens me to realize we did all we could do-- and its not meant to be. Work on yourself  with both inner strength and find time to do other exericises for physical strength-- keep yourself busy-- make yourself be the best you can be--- what that will do is put you in a position to find someone even better who will not have mental challenges and cherish what you have to offer.  But it all starts with ourselves.  You will see thats a common theme from posters here who are going through this now-- or who have survived and gotten stronger.  Its tough--- I feel that first 30 days after break up were the toughest adversity I have ever gone through.  I was married once before-- but I was never in love with my ex wife as much as I was with my ex-pwBPD fiance.  I am feeling proud of the steps I have taken-- and maybe when I stop reading BPD posts daily-- that will be the ultimate climb out of the recovery--- but I keep plugging along-- keeping busy and making myself stronger mentally and physically than I have ever been.  I hope this helps in some way.  You can do this

[Help_Seeker]

Well obviously I didnt have to see her anymore-- so that part is going to be completely different from your recovery to mine--- I will say reviewing the signs I chose to ignore and reading as much about BPD and Narcissm as well as Bi-Polar -- really helped me realize its not about me.  They have a pain when it comes to relationships-- especially as they get close.  They are afraid of abandonment which to the normal brain makes no sense why they do what they do to get rid of their partner-- but its what they do.  Educating myself from this site as well as other sites where I read similar stories -- and rehashing the signs where she was sabotaging leading up to her withdrawal from me-- helped me realize there is nothing we can do to help them.  They have to help themselves.   I try to live by a control what I can control and dont worry about what cannot be controlled-- and this is one of those cases.   Yes I think of her daily--- yes I read this website forums and others like Quora and Reddit daily--- but each time I read them-- I feel it strengthens me to realize we did all we could do-- and its not meant to be. Work on yourself  with both inner strength and find time to do other exericises for physical strength-- keep yourself busy-- make yourself be the best you can be--- what that will do is put you in a position to find someone even better who will not have mental challenges and cherish what you have to offer.  But it all starts with ourselves.  You will see thats a common theme from posters here who are going through this now-- or who have survived and gotten stronger.  Its tough--- I feel that first 30 days after break up were the toughest adversity I have ever gone through.  I was married once before-- but I was never in love with my ex wife as much as I was with my ex-pwBPD fiance.  I am feeling proud of the steps I have taken-- and maybe when I stop reading BPD posts daily-- that will be the ultimate climb out of the recovery--- but I keep plugging along-- keeping busy and making myself stronger mentally and physically than I have ever been.  I hope this helps in some way.  You can do this

These words mean a lot mate, thank you for believing in me when I'm at my lowest.
I do feel like I will have a lesson for life from this situation, for sure.
Another thing we have in common on this is reading more and more about this disorder. I find myself reading about it whenever I feel anxious and depressed in order to remind myself how bad it could actually be and how much it isn't really her fault since she's simply a sick person trying to survive...
Not to mention I actually offered her to go to her therapist again, offered am amazing psychiatrist I know, to get her a bach flowers treatment, she wanted nothing.. so like, what else could I do?
At least she was kind enough to end it with me, even though she's probably having a thing with someone else from work atm.

I'm really glad to hear you got so much better in 3 months
I wish my journey would be short enough and not as painful as it was until now.
Keep up with the good work!

[DarkKnight]

Thank you much and best of success to You as well

Here is another great inspirational post by a fellow member of this site

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=351380.0

Its right under your post right now-- but gives hope to us all.  Keep moving forward !

[SinisterComplex]

HS, looks like you are getting the help and support you need here.

If I may though...what is the chronic disease that has stricken you down? If you do not want to share by all means you are not required to do so and you can plainly tell me you would rather keep that private without fear of judgment or anything of the sort. I more so ask for correlation purposes since you mentioned a reaction with your condition.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[Help_Seeker]

HS, looks like you are getting the help and support you need here.

If I may though...what is the chronic disease that has stricken you down? If you do not want to share by all means you are not required to do so and you can plainly tell me you would rather keep that private without fear of judgment or anything of the sort. I more so ask for correlation purposes since you mentioned a reaction with your condition.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

Hey!
Yes I am getting some support here, no doubt. Although I do have a big question mark about the fact I work with her (as from now in the same room) and I don't wanna quit but I am having hard time finding a different solution.

Regarding the disease, I am more than happy to share, but I am afraid it will make me recognizable among people around me, I can share privately if you don't mind.

[SinisterComplex]

Hey!
Yes I am getting some support here, no doubt. Although I do have a big question mark about the fact I work with her (as from now in the same room) and I don't wanna quit but I am having hard time finding a different solution.

Regarding the disease, I am more than happy to share, but I am afraid it will make me recognizable among people around me, I can share privately if you don't mind.

Yes, for something like that you can PM me.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[Help_Seeker]

Yes, for something like that you can PM me.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

I did, thank you
Will be waiting if anyone else has some useful information

[Torimagic]

I am going through it too. It is the worst heartbreak I have ever experienced. We were also only together for 6 months but I really deeply love her. It has been a month since I broke up with her, and almost two weeks of NC. I needed to break up with her when she started to gaslight me. We were doing LD, and she basically convinced me to move in with her, and when I was making plans to visit out of nowhere she told me it’s not practical anymore. She went through the shame/apology, right into the blaming me and gaslighting yelling avoidance. It was heartbreaking because she had always been able to talk through conflict. It was a complete switch. I was her soulmate and the best etc. i do believe her words  because the previous person was abusive. I am struggling the most with the friendship part. I really believed her that  we can be friends and she is with her other ex girlfriends. I plan to message her on her bday. I am hopeful but also fearful of everything I have read says she is gone.
It is a horrible withdrawal and I have lost so much weight too. My only advice is you have to force yourself to eat, walk, write it out, talk to people, and be nice to yourself. The uncontrollable crying for hours has at least decreased. I still feel ill every morning but making a solid plan for the day has been helpful and when I feel anxious and sad I read these posts which are validating.  I know I made the right decision even though it was the hardest one of my life. I could see how it would play out and it would have been bad despite the love. She was with her previous person for 9 years and that was realllllly abusive.

[Help_Seeker]

I am going through it too. It is the worst heartbreak I have ever experienced. We were also only together for 6 months but I really deeply love her. It has been a month since I broke up with her, and almost two weeks of NC. I needed to break up with her when she started to gaslight me. We were doing LD, and she basically convinced me to move in with her, and when I was making plans to visit out of nowhere she told me it’s not practical anymore. She went through the shame/apology, right into the blaming me and gaslighting yelling avoidance. It was heartbreaking because she had always been able to talk through conflict. It was a complete switch. I was her soulmate and the best etc. i do believe her words  because the previous person was abusive. I am struggling the most with the friendship part. I really believed her that  we can be friends and she is with her other ex girlfriends. I plan to message her on her bday. I am hopeful but also fearful of everything I have read says she is gone.
It is a horrible withdrawal and I have lost so much weight too. My only advice is you have to force yourself to eat, walk, write it out, talk to people, and be nice to yourself. The uncontrollable crying for hours has at least decreased. I still feel ill every morning but making a solid plan for the day has been helpful and when I feel anxious and sad I read these posts which are validating.  I know I made the right decision even though it was the hardest one of my life. I could see how it would play out and it would have been bad despite the love. She was with her previous person for 9 years and that was realllllly abusive.

I'm very sorry you are also going through this.. we do have a lot of similarities between our stories.
It is indeed the worst pain I experienced so far, and I believed everything she told me about being friends and everything
I don't know much, I am exploring and reading more in order to understand more..
But I would rethink about messaging her. Rn im in a position I am afraid to make any move because I don't want things to get worse, because it really can

I will tell you what my ex told me when I asked her how come she doesn't feel any sadness all of a sudden,
She told me she can feel it, but she cannot handle it, therefore her brain just puts everything in a box and she gets numb to every emotion towards me, good and bad.
Which basically means that if she is "gone" it's not about you, it's about her protecting herself, since her emotions are always very extreme.
But yeah it still hurts, a lot, I get you.

[Torimagic]

Thank you for sharing! One day at a time!