Helpless in getting help.

[Depression = 72% of members]

My wife, who has bpd had an episode.  In her episodes she goes into a psychotic state and becomes delusional,agressive, hateful,and does acts of self harm such as leaving home and finding a stranger to have sex with and then the stranger becomes a temporary boyfriend or something and then she'll try to damage me in in some form or another. This state is very unpredictable and has no bearing on consiquiences.
Two months ago she was having an episode in that moment we we're in let's say our vehicle and she complained about every single thing I was was doing. How I parked or how I hit bumps on purpose or going to fast or too slow and on and on. I needed to stop by the office where I work to see if my check was ready and come to find out it wasn't unfortunately. Well this just made everything even more chaotic. We only had an 1/8 of a tank of gas and no money for gas and yet she still didn't want to go home . As I pulling out of the parking lot from my job I just so happened to be heading in the direction of our house when she began screaming out how she didn't want to go home. When we got to the stop sign I had to get out of the car for a second so I could regroup and figure out how to best handle the situation. While I was standing beside the car she moved from the passenger seat to the driver's seat rolled down the window and told me "You can walk to where ever your going",and proceeded to drive away. Right then I realized what I just did wasn't a good idea. She left with my phone my car house keys and most of all she was driving in a very bad state of mind and I had no control over whatever happens. Well fast forward two months and I still haven't seen or heard from her. The day after the incident I called the local sheriff's office and placed a missing person's report and stated that I a mental health officer would be needed if she was found. The sheriff's office hasn't been very cooperative. She doesn't have any credit cards or phone in her name her driver's license is suspended she's new to the state we live in and no family members or friends have heard or seen her. The only thing I can think of doing is reporting my car stolen so she would hopefully be found before any more damage to herself has been done. The sheriff's office said that since we're married I can't report the car stolen since it is community property. And since she's an adult she can leave and do whatever she wants. This is so difficult not just the fact that I've had to find away to get transportation for myself to get to work and everything else. But the fact that my wife who is clearly mentally unstable, is damaging herself and our relationship even more and there's not one thing I can do to stop it. I'm very upset with the sheriff's office because I was trying to prevent someone from self harm. But if it isn't violent the sheriff's department will not get involved. I'm just looking for advice on what to do here. We were just about to start therapy the very week she left. Any ideas out there for me?

[No more eggshell]

My wife, who has bpd had an episode.  In her episodes she goes into a psychotic state and becomes delusional,agressive, hateful,and does acts of self harm such as leaving home and finding a stranger to have sex with and then the stranger becomes a temporary boyfriend or something and then she'll try to damage me in in some form or another. This state is very unpredictable and has no bearing on consiquiences.
Two months ago she was having an episode in that moment we we're in let's say our vehicle and she complained about every single thing I was was doing. How I parked or how I hit bumps on purpose or going to fast or too slow and on and on. I needed to stop by the office where I work to see if my check was ready and come to find out it wasn't unfortunately. Well this just made everything even more chaotic. We only had an 1/8 of a tank of gas and no money for gas and yet she still didn't want to go home . As I pulling out of the parking lot from my job I just so happened to be heading in the direction of our house when she began screaming out how she didn't want to go home. When we got to the stop sign I had to get out of the car for a second so I could regroup and figure out how to best handle the situation. While I was standing beside the car she moved from the passenger seat to the driver's seat rolled down the window and told me "You can walk to where ever your going",and proceeded to drive away. Right then I realized what I just did wasn't a good idea. She left with my phone my car house keys and most of all she was driving in a very bad state of mind and I had no control over whatever happens. Well fast forward two months and I still haven't seen or heard from her. The day after the incident I called the local sheriff's office and placed a missing person's report and stated that I a mental health officer would be needed if she was found. The sheriff's office hasn't been very cooperative. She doesn't have any credit cards or phone in her name her driver's license is suspended she's new to the state we live in and no family members or friends have heard or seen her. The only thing I can think of doing is reporting my car stolen so she would hopefully be found before any more damage to herself has been done. The sheriff's office said that since we're married I can't report the car stolen since it is community property. And since she's an adult she can leave and do whatever she wants. This is so difficult not just the fact that I've had to find away to get transportation for myself to get to work and everything else. But the fact that my wife who is clearly mentally unstable, is damaging herself and our relationship even more and there's not one thing I can do to stop it. I'm very upset with the sheriff's office because I was trying to prevent someone from self harm. But if it isn't violent the sheriff's department will not get involved. I'm just looking for advice on what to do here. We were just about to start therapy the very week she left. Any ideas out there for me?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[kells76]

Hello No more eggshell, welcome to the group -- glad you reached out. What massive stress you're under right now. Getting more support for yourself is so important to making it through, so it's a good thing to share here and open up about what's going on.

A few questions for you, as we get to know you and your story --

-you mention that your wife has BPD; was she officially diagnosed at some point? If so, how did she respond to the diagnosis -- acceptance, rejection, other?

-how long have you been married?

-do you guys have any children, and if so, how old are they and how are they doing with all of this?

-as the sheriff's office has been a bit of a dead end, I'm curious if there are other resources in your area you can reach out to -- for example, is there a "mobile crisis team" or a "mental health clinic" that you could call, and describe your situation to? They might be able to walk you through how and/or where to report your W as missing, given that even though she doesn't meet certain criteria, she isn't safe.

And finally...

-do you have a personal therapist? Again, when there's a pwBPD (person with BPD) in our lives, we need as much support as we can get.

Let us know how you've been doing; reach out whenever works best for you.

-kells76

[Rev]

Hello there No More Eggshells.

Welcome.  Sorry to hear you are carrying so much. Happy you have found us.

And - hopefully here, the help you will get (and you will get help here) is the help you need. It is an unfortunate fact that the services helping men in volatile family situations are generally inadequate in the United States and Canada.  Research shows that you are far from alone. This happens more than we think.  So, here, you are being seen, believed and not judged. There's wisdom here, not judgement.

I'll wait for you to answer Kells questions (you are in good hands with her) and let's see how I can mesh with that.

Hang in there.

Reach out any time.

Rev