Significant Other Makes Me Feel Smothered

[Kricket]

Hi I’m looking for ideas on how to react to feelings of being smothered. My SO loves spending every moment with me, and I really enjoy his company as well BUT sometimes I need a break. A lot of the issues come from the 8 hours when he’s at work. He has a job that allows him to text for a huge portion of the day and he has been texting me a lot. He pretty much texts the entire time he’s there with just a few breaks. I work from home so I’m struggling to get things done because he gets upset if I don’t reply quickly. I’ve tried establishing limits with him but when I go for long periods without responding it turns into him accusing me of talking to other men, abandoning him, and making him feel like a horrible person because I don’t want to talk to him. Any and all suggestions or stories of your own similar experiences are welcome. Thanks in advance!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[outhere]

Hi.  The need for constant attention seems to be a hallmark of the illness and connected to the fear of abandonment.  I struggle with this with my partner as well.  Unfortunately I do not have any advice as we're just realizing now that BPD might be the explanation for her difficulties, but I wish you good luck and offer you the knowledge that you're not alone!  Take care.

[SaltyDawg]

Read the site, or give more details to see if your story is the same as others.

There could be many different reasons for the abandonment issues that you describe in addition to BPD. 

I suspect that you suspect BPD (as you are here at BPDFamily asking the question).

A good beginner book to figure out if there are issues is:  Stop Walking on Eggshells by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger.  This book has an assessment in section 1 that will help you figure it out if it is BPD/NPD or something else [too low of a score, under 12]

[Rev]

Hi Kricket...

Adding my voice to say welcome...

Here's another resource that you may find helpful - BPD or not - for adult relationships with the kinds of issues you are alluding to. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/9547888-attached

Hope it helps.

Hang in there.

Reach out any time.

Rev