In my case I found "the strength to say enough is enough" was when all other choices had failed. However, I don't advocate that. You don't want to be painted into a bad corner where your options are disappearing.
In one way of phrasing it, you're in a relationship with someone who can't find any healthy lasting relationships except for people who care (caretake) too much.
This is a bit blunt but... YOU can decide to end the continuing chaos and abuse.
She is only your GF, not a spouse. Either one of you can end the relationship. In less than two years this relationship has turned a reasonably normal man into an upside down life...
Based upon that she would be classified as a "User, loser and abuser". Retired psychiatrist Joe Carver has this handout, read the first linked article at his site:
Personality Disorders: The Controllers, Abusers, Manipulators and Users in RelationshipsHave you pondered this... Walk away from the entire relationship and give yourself time to recover?
You leave the house when she blows up. That's understandable, you can't risk an angry woman calling police and you being, by default, being blamed for being a man when a dispute arises.
Since then I've been in therapy where the main topic is her and my therapist politely asking 'bro why tf haven't you left yet?'
I'm wondering, since you have been reluctant to end things, who owns the house? Or if rented, is she even on the lease? Clearly she's not leaving despite how much she rants, rages and destroys your life. It seems the current strained status is her comfort zone. So it is up to YOU to repair your life. If it is impractical for you to leave your own home, then she has to leave, even if the process means you have to step out of her reach while it gets done.