Confronting a Big Lie

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I have posted elsewhere on handling no contact/low contact, but I have another issue I need help with. 

BPDw had an on-going affair at her workplace.  That blew up on her, had she was fired from her job.  She sued her former employer for wrongful termination and sexual harassment, and received a significant settlement.  I discovered the paperwork, the settlement agreement, etc. all on a shared computer.  She thinks I don't know anything about it.  My lawyer has said not to confront her about it b/c it will be in our back pocket of her trying to hide assets when she doesn't declare the settlement amount on her disclosures. Does anyone have thoughts on that?

[fsoduck]

I have posted elsewhere on handling no contact/low contact, but I have another issue I need help with. 

BPDw had an on-going affair at her workplace.  That blew up on her, had she was fired from her job.  She sued her former employer for wrongful termination and sexual harassment, and received a significant settlement.  I discovered the paperwork, the settlement agreement, etc. all on a shared computer.  She thinks I don't know anything about it.  My lawyer has said not to confront her about it b/c it will be in our back pocket of her trying to hide assets when she doesn't declare the settlement amount on her disclosures. Does anyone have thoughts on that?

[ForeverDad]

About lawyer... smart lawyer, he or she is looking out for your long term interests.  Good for him or her.

About you... confronting your ex about this now won't get you your wished comeuppance.  Closure is for you and sadly closure is something you'll have to Gift Yourself, you won't get closure from her.  This is precisely why you have a lawyer.

One aspect about Leverage is Timing.  Your lawyer, more objective than you, saw that this fact is excellent leverage near the end of the divorce when finances are discussed, often in a rush just to get it done.

Your lawyer will love saying at the right time and not before, "Your client didn't disclose the money she got from her wrongful termination claim... what else did she leave out?"

Leverage is precious.

[BigOof]

Depends on if she has spent it yet... my bet is she spent it and you're costing yourself money with legal fees fighting about nothing.

[fsoduck]

I live in Virginia, which is an "equitable distribution" state.  Her having a significant chunk of her own money has bearing on the "equitable distribution" of joint assets.  It is not clear whether the settlement is considered joint, and frankly I am not looking to get my hands on it.  But I do want what is legally mine out of our joint assets, which are not insignificant.  The most important thing to me is protecting my pension.  If she has her large amount of money, plus income flows of about $6K per month (that equal my pension) I do not believe she should get any part of my pension.  If she wants to claim my pension, then we will have a fight, and if she is hiding assets, which I assume she will try to do, it will not look good for her.