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Skills we were never taught
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A 3 Minute Lesson
on Ending Conflict
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Author Topic: How to suggest therapy properly  (Read 149 times)
kd17
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Dating
Posts: 1


« on: November 27, 2022, 10:59:06 PM »

Hi,
Without an official diagnosis I’m sure my SO (F 31) has BPD. I have been researching and watching videos, and ordered a book to learn even more. She is displaying all the signs and I am at the step of suggesting therapy but am unsure how and when.
The one thing is for sure - getting caught up in the heroic efforts is becoming detrimental and the best way to show I love her now is to bring up that next step of getting professional help.
How do I go about doing so?
Thanks so much in advance and I am glad to have found this community.
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pursuingJoy
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Inlaw
Posts: 1383



« Reply #1 on: November 29, 2022, 01:10:05 PM »

kd17, welcome  Welcome new member (click to insert in post) we're so glad you're here!

I don't really have any good ideas about how to present therapy as an option, but I might do so with measured expectations. It doesn't often go as planned. People who have BPD have a pretty deep sense of shame. Unless they're already open to therapy and have been considering it for themselves, it comes across as "you're so messed up you need professional help," no matter how lovingly you present it.

If it doesn't go well, or she refuses, don't despair. My person with BPD is my mother in law. She won't get counseling, nor does she have an official diagnosis but that hasn't stopped me from setting better boundaries and making changes that have impacted our relationship in a positive way. Therapy is a tool and there are other tools you can learn to use that will help.

Makes sense that your heroic efforts are detrimental. BPD's are sometimes drawn to people who can 'save' them. If you stop your heroic efforts, what happens? What does that look like and how does she respond?
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   Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What! You too? ~CS Lewis
Rev
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 1184


The surest way to fail is to never try.


« Reply #2 on: November 29, 2022, 01:41:27 PM »

Not going to jump in the way....

Just going to add this link :

https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-to-get-borderline-into-therapy

Hang in there.

Rev.

PS - Welcome to the BPD family.  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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