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Author Topic: How do I get him to talk to me? I'm scared  (Read 129 times)

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Living together
Posts: 3

« on: November 29, 2022, 07:15:20 AM »

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Long story short my partner with BPD broke up with me Oct. 16. He has lived in the garage ever since and won't speak to me or my kids. I know he can control this because He visited family at least twice. I am scared.He is out of work (normal in construction but this time He has failed to look for work and has been off since August)  and I can see that his unemployment is dwindling. I can't afford our rent or truck payment on my own and I am stuck with those debts if he refuses to pay. I have done so much and have tried to be patient but I am getting desperate. If he drags me down financially I could lose my kids. How do I get him to talk? What can I do?
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 2244

« Reply #1 on: November 29, 2022, 09:25:18 AM »

Hi again Dansemacabre1971, glad you're continuing to reach out here. Your situation sounds stressful because it isn't "just" that he's living in the garage, it's also that his employment choices are intertwined with your life -- and your kids' lives.

I wonder if dividing your situation into two parts might be a way to tackle things?

One part is the relational side. It's sad and frustrating that he is pushing away and isn't speaking to you or the kids. I think we both know that that isn't something you can control. It's not like "if you just said the perfect words" or "if you just acted the perfect way" he would snap out of it. So maybe this first part -- the relational stuff -- can be allowed to be sad and frustrating, and yet also a place to have some radical acceptance.

The other part is the practical, logistical side (money, jobs, finances, etc). It could be a lot to try to work on both the relational and the logistical parts at once. That's a lot of energy. So you can think about if you want to just focus on practical problem-solving part and get that squared away first, and then think about having time and energy to look at the relational stuff.

What do you think about breaking it down that way?

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