Broke up 2 months ago

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hello, this is my first time posting about this. I've talked to a few close friends about it but their understanding of BPD is very limited.

I'm trying to reach out and see if anybody else can share some stories, advice, anything.

So, my ex with BPD broke up with me in September. I triggered their abandonment by being short with them in text, because I was tired and hurting. I tried to explain that talking to them was difficult though they didn't seem to understand. We had fought often, constantly pushing and pulling. It was an extremely tumultuous relationship.

I noticed I started acting like I did when I was a moody preteen. I kept explaining to my mom that I felt like I was a kid again with my unhealthy responsive behaviors.

I think the hardest part about this is that they've been in a longstanding relationship with a partner already for 10 years. Their relationship works well. The ex-metamour was what they'd describe as "unbothered" about EVERYTHING. They were very emotionally cut off and distant.

I guess I understand why it didn't work out with me. I'm a rescuer type. I want to help, provide, and protect. I've always been told I have a big heart. I'm not attempting to boast. I'm in a lot of pain at being devalued and I wonder when it'll get better. It's like it's consuming me. Like all my thoughts are about "why didn't it work?"

I know why. I got extremely insecure near the end especially during the devaluation phase. I wondered why they didn't treat me like I was their favorite person anymore. I started out as an FP.

Reading about the mental illness has helped a lot in recognizing what I "felt" and couldn't put into words. I learned a lot from it.

At the end, I started wondering if I also had BPD because of my behaviors. This immediately made them brush off the idea that I could have BPD too and so they started labeling me as NPD. They told me they were sick of my narcissism, said goodbye, and cut me off.

I sent a card apologizing for my harmful actions based on my insecurities and they said "thanks" and have essentially cut me off since. I'm working on getting something special back from them in which they told me they'd return it. It's been weeks since I've asked so I reminded them and they ghosted me. They've blocked me everywhere and I guess I wonder how and why it's so easy for them to cut me off like that.

Thanks for reading! ฅ⁠^⁠•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠^⁠ฅ

[Cheshie]

Hello, this is my first time posting about this. I've talked to a few close friends about it but their understanding of BPD is very limited.

I'm trying to reach out and see if anybody else can share some stories, advice, anything.

So, my ex with BPD broke up with me in September. I triggered their abandonment by being short with them in text, because I was tired and hurting. I tried to explain that talking to them was difficult though they didn't seem to understand. We had fought often, constantly pushing and pulling. It was an extremely tumultuous relationship.

I noticed I started acting like I did when I was a moody preteen. I kept explaining to my mom that I felt like I was a kid again with my unhealthy responsive behaviors.

I think the hardest part about this is that they've been in a longstanding relationship with a partner already for 10 years. Their relationship works well. The ex-metamour was what they'd describe as "unbothered" about EVERYTHING. They were very emotionally cut off and distant.

I guess I understand why it didn't work out with me. I'm a rescuer type. I want to help, provide, and protect. I've always been told I have a big heart. I'm not attempting to boast. I'm in a lot of pain at being devalued and I wonder when it'll get better. It's like it's consuming me. Like all my thoughts are about "why didn't it work?"

I know why. I got extremely insecure near the end especially during the devaluation phase. I wondered why they didn't treat me like I was their favorite person anymore. I started out as an FP.

Reading about the mental illness has helped a lot in recognizing what I "felt" and couldn't put into words. I learned a lot from it.

At the end, I started wondering if I also had BPD because of my behaviors. This immediately made them brush off the idea that I could have BPD too and so they started labeling me as NPD. They told me they were sick of my narcissism, said goodbye, and cut me off.

I sent a card apologizing for my harmful actions based on my insecurities and they said "thanks" and have essentially cut me off since. I'm working on getting something special back from them in which they told me they'd return it. It's been weeks since I've asked so I reminded them and they ghosted me. They've blocked me everywhere and I guess I wonder how and why it's so easy for them to cut me off like that.

Thanks for reading! ฅ⁠^⁠•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠^⁠ฅ

[Cheshie]

I think the hardest part about this is that they've been in a longstanding relationship with a partner already for 10 years. Their relationship works well. The ex-metamour was what they'd describe as "unbothered" about EVERYTHING. They were very emotionally cut off and distant.

Rereading to elaborate a little. My ex-partner HAS to be in charge. They have a very BOSS like mentality. The ex-metamour is extremely passive and has a weird "cronie" mentality like they do whatever my ex-partner did. No questions asked.

[Tupla Sport]

Welcome to the NPD ex club! Population: many an ex partner of a person with untreated or even treated BPD.

We all have narcissistic traits and behaviors. When they are on a healthy level we generally talk about "having self-worth and self-esteem" but to people with BPD it can all come across as narcissism. Their mode of relating involves broken boundaries and extremely veiled self-interest so if you proudly stand up for your boundaries and show open interest for your own well-being in favour of theirs chances are it will flare up their trauma.

I got extremely insecure near the end especially during the devaluation phase. I wondered why they didn't treat me like I was their favorite person anymore. I started out as an FP.


The fall from the pedestal is devastating. Especially if they replace you with someone else as FP. It happened to me. I went from being the adored FP boyfriend to stern father-figure looking after them as they switched the supply source. And then to narcissistic abuser when I lashed out at her for tricking me during the endgame.

I guess I understand why it didn't work out with me. I'm a rescuer type. I want to help, provide, and protect. I've always been told I have a big heart. I'm not attempting to boast. I'm in a lot of pain at being devalued and I wonder when it'll get better. It's like it's consuming me. Like all my thoughts are about "why didn't it work?"


Untreated, unwell BPD partners generate immense gravity in a partner's life. Basically a partner's life starts orbiting theirs. More or less. When the Moon loses the Earth it goes from being this immortal symbol and iconic image to a barren rock in space, floating about. A smoothed-out asteroid. I am now almost 3 months after the breakup, doing all the right things and still feeling like absolute PLEASE READe everyday about it. But it has been extremely valuable for my journey, as corny and unhelpful as it may sound at this point.