I think my BPD ex is sending me things in the mail...need advice

[Phoenix910]

Hey guys,

I need advice on how to go about this. My ex and I have been broken up since last December. He's made a couple of attempts at trying to rekindle things to no avail on my end.The last time we communicated was September 2022, which was when he wished me a happy birthday. We communicated a bit, which he hinted at him still being interested in me. We broke up after 2 months dating and less than 3 months in an actual relationship last year. You can read my previous posts for more of a gist of how that went, but to sum it up, just typical bpd stuff.

Last Wednesday, he cashapp me $20. This was his way of getting my attention and to unblock him. I thought about sending him back the $20, but I just did not respond nor unblocked him. Yesterday night I saw a package in my name and when I opened it, it was from 1-800 flowers. It was like an acrylic rose and the message said something along the lines of "Just to put a smile on your face." It was from an anonymous person. I tried to beg and plead with customer service at 1-800 flowers to reveal who the person was who sent it and they said it goes against their privacy policy. Also a few months ago, I received 2 usbs with hearts engraved in it from Amazon, I was a bit confused but did not do a lot of investigating (I wish I did).

I guess I need advice on how to go about this, personally this is very irritating to me. I don't necessarily have any ill will towards him, but I do want to be left alone. I think it's crossing lines for him to feel compelled to send me things (if it is him) to my home which I live with my family. I honestly don't suspect anyone else. I was thinking to unblock him and ask if it was him and to request he no longer do that. I am really trying to avoid taking legal action, but I really feel hopeless when he tries to contact me. I was also going to tell him I am moving to another state (this is not true), but I really want to be out of sight, out of mind for him. I don't want to trigger him to do anything irrational (impossible I know), but I should not feel held captive to him at the same time. Thoughts?

Excuse the typos and grammar if any. I am just typing my thoughts away.

[EZEarache]

From my perspective, I would not engage in anyway, if what you really want is to be left alone. Any response from you, positive or negative, would be interpreted as a positive giving him the sense of false hope. I would just leave him blocked.

Wish I could go no contact myself, but stupid me had a kid with her.

[Rev]

From my perspective, I would not engage in anyway, if what you really want is to be left alone. Any response from you, positive or negative, would be interpreted as a positive giving him the sense of false hope. I would just leave him blocked.

This is good advice.

Legal action needs to be backed up with stuff that points to your safety - at least in my part of the world. But I would imagine its pretty similar everywhere, assuming we're talking Canada and the USA.

I took legal action with my ex. Once you pull that trigger, you need to be willing to go the distance and your claim needs to have solid reasoning from the outset. Otherwise it will backfire.

Hang in there.

Rev

[SaltyDawg]

I agree, do not engage.  It sounds like he is h-o-o-v-e-r-i-n-g you back in.  Unless he does something illegal, there is not much of a legal recourse you can do.  However, do be on the lookout for this kind of activity, so if and when he does something stupid, you can take appropriate action.  If you think he is capable of being violent and/or illegal, do create a safety plan suitable for a stalking victim - a quick Google search should point you in the right direction for that.

[SinisterComplex]

Hey guys,

I need advice on how to go about this. My ex and I have been broken up since last December. He's made a couple of attempts at trying to rekindle things to no avail on my end.The last time we communicated was September 2022, which was when he wished me a happy birthday. We communicated a bit, which he hinted at him still being interested in me. We broke up after 2 months dating and less than 3 months in an actual relationship last year. You can read my previous posts for more of a gist of how that went, but to sum it up, just typical bpd stuff.

Last Wednesday, he cashapp me $20. This was his way of getting my attention and to unblock him. I thought about sending him back the $20, but I just did not respond nor unblocked him. Yesterday night I saw a package in my name and when I opened it, it was from 1-800 flowers. It was like an acrylic rose and the message said something along the lines of "Just to put a smile on your face." It was from an anonymous person. I tried to beg and plead with customer service at 1-800 flowers to reveal who the person was who sent it and they said it goes against their privacy policy. Also a few months ago, I received 2 usbs with hearts engraved in it from Amazon, I was a bit confused but did not do a lot of investigating (I wish I did).

I guess I need advice on how to go about this, personally this is very irritating to me. I don't necessarily have any ill will towards him, but I do want to be left alone. I think it's crossing lines for him to feel compelled to send me things (if it is him) to my home which I live with my family. I honestly don't suspect anyone else. I was thinking to unblock him and ask if it was him and to request he no longer do that. I am really trying to avoid taking legal action, but I really feel hopeless when he tries to contact me. I was also going to tell him I am moving to another state (this is not true), but I really want to be out of sight, out of mind for him. I don't want to trigger him to do anything irrational (impossible I know), but I should not feel held captive to him at the same time. Thoughts?

Excuse the typos and grammar if any. I am just typing my thoughts away.

The best action is to go about your business and not show any emotion...along the same lines of what the others have said here. Any attention given will just be viewed as a positive and then you will just create an environment for more interaction to take place. Remember the best course of action if you want to be left alone is indifference meaning you show no emotion one way or the other.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[brighter future]

Everyone is right. Ignore...ignore...ignore as my former counselor used to tell me.

My ex started contacting me again 4-5 months after our breakup via quick visits at my home while visiting family next door, an occasional text message, or pings through other friend's social media pages. I ignored her on each occasion, except for the in-person visits, however, I was very matter of fact and short with my responses. She kept that up for just over a year and finally stopped around 2-3 months after I entered a new relationship with another woman. Fortunately, she hasn't bothered me in about 13 months now. I heard she recently got married, so hopefully that will hold her attention for a while. When she gets bored of that, hopefully she will hit up one of her other former boyfriends/hookups, which has been a regular pattern as well for her.

I wish you well with this, and hopefully he will finally get the message and move on. I know when my ex would contact me, it would set me back a little in my progress and would cause the ruminations to start again. The mind games really suck.

[Phoenix910]

Thanks you guys I really appreciate the feedback.

Unfortunately, I'm just now seeing everyone's input and I went on to message him about it before seeing this (shame on me I know.) I guess I'm just frustrated that this guy feels like he has that kind of access to me to use my address for his own antics. I know they live in another world, but I find it to be disruptive and a huge invasion of privacy. I am a bit scared of him as I carry the remnants of the trauma I endured when I was with it him, but I am going to be strong and reassure myself that I am safe. He only popped up once last year shortly after our break up. If he were to do that again, I sadly would have to get the police involved.

Nonetheless I asked him if he sent me the flowers 3 times through text. He has not responded. I then messaged him requesting that he would stop and that I am moving (again this is not true I just want him to leave me alone) and would like for him to not send anything to my family home. After reading what you all had said I will put him back on the block list and ignore his antics. It's just hard and frustrating to be in this situation when I just want to continue moving forward in my life. I hope he gets the help he needs but I am no longer the person to coddle him while he was destroying me. No hate, just want to be in peace.