Fairytale fathers (rant)

[Couscous]

I read this piece about fairytale fathers, and I have to say, Beauty's father from Beauty and the Beast fits the profile of the spouse of a BPD mother to a tee. Before reading this it never occurred to me just how egregious Beauty's father's actions were. Thanks to my programming it made perfect sense that Beauty would sacrifice herself for her father.

But the worst fairytale father, in my opinion, is Beauty’s father from ‘Beauty and the Beast’, he starts off OK, doing his best to try to provide for the kiddies, (who all seem pretty grown up and should be out providing for themselves) but he fails miserably as a breadwinner, and even cocks up picking a rose for Beauty, earning a death warrant instead, unless he allows his daughter to die in his place.

What a dilemma, does he take it like a man? No, he slopes off, and lets his youngest daughter take the rap. Sure, everything turns out sweet in the end, but he wasn’t to know.

https://fatherandchild.org.nz/magazine/issue-12/whod-want-to-be-a-fairytale-father/

When my mother illegally left the country with us kids I chose to go with her because I thought it would mean that my father would no longer have to pay child support for us, and I felt like it was my job to save him money even though he had no financial worries whatsoever. What's worse is that I foolishly told him about this for the first time a few weeks ago and his reaction was to blame me for not telling him about my concerns at the time...uh, really now?

He also told me not long ago that in spite of all we went through as kids, that at least we saved our mother! Well, here's a newsflash Dad, she still needs saving to this day, so our sacrifice was in vain.

He, of course, has never seemed to feel the need to make any sacrifices at all. But I guess this is just how it goes in unhealthy families, where the job of the children is to take care of the parents.

Well, I am glad to say that I have finally resigned from this crappy job.  

[SinisterComplex]

I read this piece about fairytale fathers, and I have to say, Beauty's father from Beauty and the Beast fits the profile of the spouse of a BPD mother to a tee. Before reading this it never occurred to me just how egregious Beauty's father's actions were. Thanks to my programming it made perfect sense that Beauty would sacrifice herself for her father.

But the worst fairytale father, in my opinion, is Beauty’s father from ‘Beauty and the Beast’, he starts off OK, doing his best to try to provide for the kiddies, (who all seem pretty grown up and should be out providing for themselves) but he fails miserably as a breadwinner, and even cocks up picking a rose for Beauty, earning a death warrant instead, unless he allows his daughter to die in his place.

What a dilemma, does he take it like a man? No, he slopes off, and lets his youngest daughter take the rap. Sure, everything turns out sweet in the end, but he wasn’t to know.

https://fatherandchild.org.nz/magazine/issue-12/whod-want-to-be-a-fairytale-father/

When my mother illegally left the country with us kids I chose to go with her because I thought it would mean that my father would no longer have to pay child support for us, and I felt like it was my job to save him money even though he had no financial worries whatsoever. What's worse is that I foolishly told him about this for the first time a few weeks ago and his reaction was to blame me for not telling him about my concerns at the time...uh, really now?

He also told me not long ago that in spite of all we went through as kids, that at least we saved our mother! Well, here's a newsflash Dad, she still needs saving to this day, so our sacrifice was in vain.

He, of course, has never seemed to feel the need to make any sacrifices at all. But I guess this is just how it goes in unhealthy families, where the job of the children is to take care of the parents.

Well, I am glad to say that I have finally resigned from this crappy job.  

It sure does seem that way doesn't it? Kids are forced to grow up way too fast and well beyond before they are supposed to. It's been a hell of a ride trying to help my nephew/godson grow into being an independent young man because of his deeply troubled mother and well my brother played a part in it to because of the drugs and drinking. In essence, I can understand where you are coming from for sure.

I hope you find peace letting go of the responsibility aspect. Your only responsibility is you and your life. What you choose to do is up to you. So if you choose to take care of someone...it is by choice, not because you have to.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[Couscous]

So if you choose to take care of someone...it is by choice, not because you have to.

Oh, so what I am really resigning from is my job as one of her enablers. IMO, BPD is a disorder of extreme underfunctioning due to having been unconsciously “groomed” by one’s parents to remain in a childlike state of dependency. My mother’s parents infantilized her in what I assume was their attempt to atone for having abandoned her in the hospital for the first two months of her life due to her premature birth. Her older sister, on the other hand, grew up with the same set of dysfunctional parents, but was not infantilized and has lived an independent, productive life and is a net contributor to society.

Thanks to my mother’s parents, and then to her first and second husband and 8 children, she has a veritable army of ready and willing enablers at her disposal. As such I highly doubt she will ever recover.

[Tangled mangled]

Oh my days!
I’ve read of the connection between BPD and premature birth. My ex husband was born prematurely and was probably left in hospital to mature. Dr Gabor Mate told his own childhood trauma story of abandonment during ww2 and how the body keeps the score.
This is worrying for all these infants born prematurely. But then the home environment matters a lot. What I saw in ex husband’s family is the infantilisation from his parents, they deliberately prevented him from developing into a healthy adult.