Mindlessness, as in "opposite of mindfullness".
The two years of mayhem really did a number on me. It was like all the chaos of my family of origin that I had been carrying with me was justified, amplified and put to the fore. Four months out and she still lives in my head, rent-free. Part of me feels sad, part of me wants to inflict violence on her, seeing her as an existential threat. Especially as she lives in my neighbourhood and frequents the same places as I do.
I did a tarot reading yesterday and the reflections made me realize the emotional infidelity spanned a horrific amount of time. Her duplicity made me feel conflicted about it for a long while. A part of me insisted that she made an impulsive leap into my replacement's arms but I know now that it was more premeditated than she let on.
She even left me with an argument that sounds like circular reasoning. She told me that she had had multiple conversations with different people and they all defaulted to her "realizing" we were simply not happy together. Well, if you only tell people you're unhappy with someone, they might tell you you are unhappy in the relationship. Her nearest and dearest certainly had no idea about our plight. So it's evident she used this flimsy circular argument to cover the fact that she had secured a new supply and wanted to get rid of me.
Which is fine. She is a bad egg and I hope she stops ruining people's lives sooner rather than later.
You have to keep in mind that they cannot form real bonds, they are not wired to do so. When the cycle reaches the devaluation phase, they will have someone on the back burner. They forget you quickly like you never existed because they never had a true bond with you in the first place.
There is a lot of political correctness about the disorder, that it’s treatable and that they can love someone.
Based on my experience and knowledge, they have diminished emotional capacity and organic lack of empathy. Treatment is limited to reducing their destructive behavior, but if you are looking for a faithful, loving partner, look elsewhere.
