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Author Topic: Dealing with periodic melancholy  (Read 1684 times)
WitzEndWife
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« on: January 11, 2023, 08:40:52 AM »

It seems like, whenever I have a particularly rough time and I'm fighting my depression and stress, that's when I feel that "pang" of missing my uBPDSTBXh. I had a horrible weekend this weekend, where I spent Sunday in the animal hospital with a sick dog, and after I came out, I felt sad and lonely. My loneliness is compounded by the fact that I can't leave my house much because of this same dog's separation anxiety. I'm working through meds with the veterinary behaviorist, but now that he's been sick with a horrible GI infection, he hasn't been taking his meds, so it's been a major setback. I'm feeling very sad and discouraged.

My STBXh hasn't contacted me since before Christmas, when he was begging me to let him come back home for the holiday. When I didn't, he "poofed" and went completely offline, deleting his Twitter account and not posting on Instagram at all.

It's hard to know if this is a final "discard" or whether it's just a temporary trigger and split, but I guess it doesn't matter to me, either way, since I'm not going back. I do, however, absolutely feel the utter chill of being really alone and I also feel a sense of loss and nostalgia, mixed with my guilt over throwing him out of the house without warning. I think it's going to take a long time for me to forgive myself for that. Logically, I know it was the right thing to do, that I was only enabling him and holding him back, but emotionally I feel like a horrible monster.

Anyhow, thanks for reading my processing. I'd love to hear there's light at the end of this dark tunnel. I keep trying to hold onto hope that I'll feel happy one day, but it's been a slog.
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« Reply #1 on: January 11, 2023, 03:45:20 PM »

Probably your melancholy is situational, triggered by an ill pet.  Pets are more important to our equilibrium than we generally imagine.  Combine that with a huge change in your life currently in process, and magnifies the stress.

Long term you'll do well; short term, well, you have us and your local trusted friends, family and probably a counselor too.
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« Reply #2 on: January 11, 2023, 06:10:59 PM »

My T has emphasized there are many feelings and stages of healing that will come with a relationship with a pwBPD: guilt, sadness, melancholy, relief, happiness, etc. It is all normal and you will go through it. I know I do.

We are here for you!  Virtual hug (click to insert in post)
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« Reply #3 on: January 12, 2023, 07:58:22 AM »

I am here to cheer you on your progress. I know you don't want to backtrack to what you had. When examining co-dependent and enabling behavior, it serves a purpose for us, but like a drug, it's also bad for us. It serves the purpose of diverting attention from our own feelings- uncomfortable feelings like loneliness. But I am willing to bet you were quite lonely when you were married to this man who basically contributed nothing to the relationship. When you were focused on him, and the drama - you weren't paying attention to your feelings. Now, you are.

It's a bit like drug withdrawal. The drug may be a way to soothe the discomfort of feelings but it's also harmful. This relationship did you no good and you know it. But there's also discomfort in changing what you did to distract you from your own feelings.

The solution- feel the feelings. They may feel awful in the moment but one thing for sure- feelings don't last long and they can not hurt you. You don't need to look elsewhere to manage them, to not feel them. You should feel them. They will not hurt you and feelings pass.

I don't know if you've done 12 steps but I have and when I began to change my own enabling/co-dependent behaviors sometimes feelings were tough, especially my feelings when others were angry at me for not being compliant. But to be enabling went against my better judgment or goals. It may feel easier to give in in the moment, to gain some peace and relief, but the cost of low self esteem and in a way betraying yourself by doing so- I decided it wasn't worth that and I know from your posts, you know that too. But sometimes in an emotional moment, I called a sponsor for support. People with additions to drugs and alcohol do this too, to maintain their resolve. If you think this could help you, a CODA group might interest you.

It's interesting as we have sober addicts in these groups. The first focus of AA is getting the person off the substance that isn't good for them. But once they stop it, they are then facing the feelings that they used the substance to soothe and then they go to CODA or ACA to work on these.

Or post here and we are going to tell you that you are doing great and to hold on to your resolve to not be married to this person as you, yourself, know the relationship was not good for you.

Being single, navigating new behaviors- it can feel scary and uncomfortable but you are a capable person and you can do this.
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WitzEndWife
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« Reply #4 on: January 12, 2023, 09:32:15 AM »

I SO appreciate the support. Thankfully, I have therapy today, so I will have a lot to process. I keep feeling like I'll be depressed and lonely forever, but logically that can't be right. I just hope I'll feel happy again some day. I know it's been so incredibly long since I've felt even a glimmer of it. It feels like something is constantly weighing on me. In the past, when I left relationships, it didn't take long for me to start feeling okay again. This is much different, because of the nature of my relationship with my STBXh and because it's a marriage, no doubt. I think I really need to deal with my guilt and my loneliness - those are the two big factors.

One thought I keep having is: what is the difference between "normal person" loneliness and codependent "pathological loneliness"? Is there one? I am alone most of the time, save for brief interactions with the dog sitter, service people, or the owner of the horse boarding barn. It's hard for me to get out to see friends right now because of the dog, so usually people have to come to my house, and that's a rare thing. So, is it normal for me to feel lonely in this case or is it still me being unhealthy? I don't know. It's hard to sort through.

I guess, regardless, I'm making progress, and things can't be the absolute worst forever. And if they are for a really long time, I need to figure out how to make changes.
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« Reply #5 on: January 12, 2023, 02:24:42 PM »



One thought I keep having is: what is the difference between "normal person" loneliness and codependent "pathological loneliness"? Is there one? I am alone most of the time, save for brief interactions with the dog sitter, service people, or the owner of the horse boarding barn. It's hard for me to get out to see friends right now because of the dog, so usually people have to come to my house, and that's a rare thing. So, is it normal for me to feel lonely in this case or is it still me being unhealthy? I don't know. It's hard to sort through.



That's something to ask your T but I am not sure it matters or you should judge your feelings. They are what they are - and no need to judge them, just feel them and let them pass. The feelings may feel overwhelming if you have stopped your usual way of coping through co-dependency but that's how change happens- you will learn to manage them in a more emotionally healthy way, with the help of your T.

In a way, your dog seems to be a focus of caretaking for you. It might even be better this way rather than cut that off altogether. On the other hand, the dog's needs prevent you from having social contact and that adds to the loneliness. So, a proposal- can you have someone come in - even for a couple of hours, and dog sit so you can get out? There are Meet Up groups that do all kinds of things-some are for women only, some are mixed. Take a yoga class or something like that. Just to get out and be around people. Even one small step might make a difference.

It's progress- we may not do it all perfectly or all at once- and you are making progress.
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« Reply #6 on: January 12, 2023, 07:25:36 PM »

e, It's hard for me to get out to see friends right now because of the dog…

There are many wise people here giving excellent advice and I can’t contribute a whole lot more.  I just had one thought though - dogs are pack animals intrinsically.  If you are set on keeping the dog, getting a second dog may help with its separation anxiety from you.  He can be with its pack and you need yours.
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WitzEndWife
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« Reply #7 on: January 13, 2023, 10:48:22 AM »

With the dog, I have dog sitters, but they cost money, so I have to be sparing with how I use them. I am taking initiative to get out of the house more frequently and do more socializing though, even if it means spending $50 or $60 just to get out of my house for a few hours.

I'm really hoping that, with this new medication I'm ramping the dog up on, I'll be able to actually leave him alone, but it's still going to take a few weeks to get him all the way ramped up. Even at first, if I can get him to be alone for a little bit of time, then I can cut back on the amount I spend with sitters.

As for the dog pack, I do have another dog, a senior Beagle, but they aren't really buddies. And apparently research shows that separation anxiety has nothing to do with other dogs. They're dependent on the human for survival, so the human is the only being that matters in the situation.

My vet says that separation anxiety is harder to manage than aggression, so it's going to take time and patience. I just have to manage my depression as I go through this. Getting out more will help, I'm sure.

I saw my therapist yesterday and she challenged me to do one new thing over the next two weeks until I see her again. I have to think about what that could be. She said she doesn't think it's particularly unhealthy to want to fill a void of loneliness, unless it hinders you from growing. I think I have this image of myself that I'm SO broken and warped that every instinct that I have must be unhealthy. But maybe I'm not as warped as I think I am? IDK.

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« Reply #8 on: January 13, 2023, 04:19:18 PM »

That image of yourself being “broken and warped”—whose words do you hear when you tell yourself that?
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« Reply #9 on: January 14, 2023, 11:06:47 AM »

That image of yourself being “broken and warped”—whose words do you hear when you tell yourself that?

I mean, honestly, just mine and also external bits and pieces and ideas of what is "normal." I keep thinking that, if I was a "normal" person, I wouldn't have gotten into these kinds of relationships for my entire life.

One thought that keeps galling me when I think about it is that I've never truly been loved my entire life by any romantic partner - not in the way that I view love. How depressing is that? I've always, always been used, needed, but not loved. Surely, someone who has allowed herself to be treated in that way, who thought she was unworthy, for all of her 42 years of life, must be severely warped and broken.

But I've never seen myself as "normal" - I was always too intellectual, or too sensitive, too depressed, too naive, or too mature, or too ridiculous, or too creative; too fat, too un-coordinated, etc. I just saw myself as an outsider, watching everyone else lead "regular" lives and longing for a bit of what they had. I still do, in a way, even though maybe "normal" is not quite what it seems on the surface. I never felt like I belonged.
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« Reply #10 on: January 14, 2023, 01:05:10 PM »

Is holding a concept of “normal” and comparing yourself to it, in any way helping you?

Do you really want to be “normal” or are you willing to embrace your uniqueness?

Are the people in the world who excel in their fields, who make discoveries, who use their creativity and imagination, who innovate, who challenge staid conceptual reality—are they “normal”?

Do you think you might have always belonged to a different club than the one to which you sought access?
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« Reply #11 on: January 16, 2023, 10:30:29 AM »

I think, as I've aged, I have come to embrace my uniqueness. But I think I just long to have a healthy self image and be embraced by self love and confidence, the kind of self love and confidence that I feel that "everyone" but me has. I know comparison is the thief of joy and that also what's on the surface isn't always what's inside, but I look at other people and they have these great relationships and these happy families and everyone around me always made that look so easy and so "this is what everyone does and this is what is supposed to happen." Like, people just went along their lives, fell into happy marriages, and fell into families and houses, and the whole thing. For me, I didn't feel I was worthy of love, so I fell into these relationships where I accepted crumbs. And, as such, I didn't get married until I was nearly 36 years old, I didn't have kids, I didn't do the whole "usual" journey. So, I beat myself up about that a lot.

But also, I guess I realize that for some reason I didn't take that path, that maybe I'm supposed to do something else, to be something else. I'm not conventional - I realize that. It's just, when you're not conventional, it's harder to see what you are meant to become.
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« Reply #12 on: January 16, 2023, 11:32:49 AM »

I know comparison is the thief of joy and that also what's on the surface isn't always what's inside, but I look at other people and they have these great relationships and these happy families and everyone around me always made that look so easy and so "this is what everyone does and this is what is supposed to happen." Like, people just went along their lives, fell into happy marriages, and fell into families and houses, and the whole thing. For me, I didn't feel I was worthy of love, so I fell into these relationships where I accepted crumbs. And, as such, I didn't get married until I was nearly 36 years old, I didn't have kids, I didn't do the whole "usual" journey. So, I beat myself up about that a lot.


Hi WitzEnd! I was actually encouraged by others to review your story and I think we have had similar journeys with our husbands. I just joined and I'm trying to make sense of everything that's happening and hoping to see some improvements with my husband, but we'll see. But what you said resonated with me. I find myself almost constantly imagining what it would be like to be with someone who takes accountability for themselves, who is an actual partner that can support me when it's needed. It's hard for me to accept the reality of the situation, that I tend to choose dysfunctional people because of a combo of feeling like it's what I can get, and also just as a way to distract from dealing with my own self esteem issues. I know it's something I need to face, and I'm just trying to keep my focus on taking care of myself. But it's lonely. I wish I had advice but I don't, I just wanted to write and say that I totally get it and I hope it gets better. For what it's worth, you seem like a very strong, funny person. It's impressive that you were able to leave the situation, and I hope if it comes down to it that I could make that choice. So, hi!  Welcome new member (click to insert in post) and good luck. :-)
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WitzEndWife
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« Reply #13 on: January 16, 2023, 11:58:14 AM »

I know it's something I need to face, and I'm just trying to keep my focus on taking care of myself. But it's lonely. I wish I had advice but I don't, I just wanted to write and say that I totally get it and I hope it gets better. For what it's worth, you seem like a very strong, funny person. It's impressive that you were able to leave the situation, and I hope if it comes down to it that I could make that choice. So, hi!  Welcome new member (click to insert in post) and good luck. :-)

Well,  Welcome new member (click to insert in post) - first of all and thank you for the lovely words. It was quite a journey with my STBX, so if you ever need to talk to someone who gets it, please feel welcome to DM me! It's a total slog and it's a massive thing to overcome. I think BPD and NPD relationships can totally bring a wrecking ball to your life, but also, in doing so, they reveal a lot about you. The choice then becomes how much you want to dig into the parts of you that need healing. The more you do that, the more terrible it feels, but also the better it is, paradoxically. I didn't start to feel un-stuck in my marriage until I found a therapist who really got me and was willing to help me through all of my issues. At this juncture, I feel like a jumbled mess of exposed wires, but at least the wires are exposed and I'm able to start sorting through everything. For us, the real key to living a healthy life is taking the focus off of them and letting go of what we cannot control, and putting the focus onto what we can control (ourselves - yuck). I think I say "Thanks, I hate it!" at least once a week. But I know processing all of this "yuck" is progress. Hang in there. It's a total slog, but the more you get through, the more clarity you have, I promise.
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« Reply #14 on: January 17, 2023, 03:04:27 PM »

...

But I've never seen myself as "normal" - I was always too intellectual, or too sensitive, too depressed, too naive, or too mature, or too ridiculous, or too creative; too fat, too un-coordinated, etc. I just saw myself as an outsider, watching everyone else lead "regular" lives and longing for a bit of what they had. I still do, in a way, even though maybe "normal" is not quite what it seems on the surface. I never felt like I belonged.

You really need to let go of some of these labels... "regular"... "normal"... etc.  You really can't know what others are like, what they do, and how they act.  You're just seeing them in passing.  And on the other side of the coin, your feelings are not unusual; you yourself are more "normal" than you realize or are giving yourself credit for.  

When you see other people - especially on social media - you're really only getting a snapshot of their life.  It's not the same thing as seeing what it means to be them, or how they are when there aren't any cameras around.
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« Reply #15 on: January 18, 2023, 10:23:12 AM »

You really need to let go of some of these labels... "regular"... "normal"... etc.  You really can't know what others are like, what they do, and how they act.  You're just seeing them in passing.  And on the other side of the coin, your feelings are not unusual; you yourself are more "normal" than you realize or are giving yourself credit for.  

When you see other people - especially on social media - you're really only getting a snapshot of their life.  It's not the same thing as seeing what it means to be them, or how they are when there aren't any cameras around.

Yeah, I realize that, logically, , but emotionally, it's hard to just let go of it. I felt rejected a lot as a kid, so I think I tried to understand why that was, and my brain filled in that I just wasn't "normal," almost like I was defective. Yeah, I think defective kind of explains that feeling. It's absolutely something I need to work on, but at least if I can identify the issue, that's a start.
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« Reply #16 on: January 18, 2023, 01:51:44 PM »

Perhaps you are making more of it than it is. Defining yourself as “defective” has been a habit. However letting go of an *identity* no matter how ineffective or damaging, can be fearful, like stepping off the high dive. What will you replace “defective” with? Once you know that, it will be easy to let go of it.
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« Reply #17 on: January 18, 2023, 01:57:29 PM »

Yeah, I realize that, logically, , but emotionally, it's hard to just let go of it. I felt rejected a lot as a kid, so I think I tried to understand why that was, and my brain filled in that I just wasn't "normal," almost like I was defective. Yeah, I think defective kind of explains that feeling. It's absolutely something I need to work on, but at least if I can identify the issue, that's a start.

How we were treated as a child has an influence on us. Ironically, feeling like we don't deserve to be treated kindly becomes a sort of magnet for people who don't treat us kindly.

I have also struggled with low self esteem and know where this came from, the things my BPD mother said to me and my standing as scapegoat child in the family.

I understand this feeling. As early as 9th grade I was thinking I was different from other girls somehow, not as pretty, not as well liked. I knew logically, I wasn't ugly, I acted nice to people, what could be the problem? I didn't know. But I do know I feared that nobody would love me, and I had reason to fear that- my mother would tell me that and she didn't act like she did.

I don't have BPD but I also adopted a people pleasing "always nice" persona out of this fear. I was afraid that if I didn't act nice to everyone, nobody would like me. This is how I got approval as a child in my home- as a little co-dependent in training.

So it kind of became a self fulfilling prophecy. People with healthy boundaries don't like being with someone who is co-dependent. It's really at a subconscious level. I think if someone has weak boundaries, it makes them feel uncomfortable. So who does feel attracted to that? Someone else with poor boundaries, and not another co-dependent. Co dependents do not usually attract each other. This leaves disordered and abusive people.

Fast forward  to adulthood and I found that some people thought it was OK to be mean to me. I didn't know why, I wasn't mean to them. One person in a friend group ( who I suspect had BPD or something now) became a mean girl ring leader and gossiped to my friends and I was rejected from my friend group. One day, another friend got up in my face and yelled at me. I finally asked - why do you do this? And her reply was "because I can"


I have no idea why I had attracted these so called friends. Two of them had been married to disordered husbands.  The one I think had BPD moved out of town. Did this group of women designate me as their scapegoat? Did I confuse this with friendship because of my FOO experience?

Working on co-dependency really helped me to change this. I learned that I can have self love and deserve to be treated with decency because- all humans are deserving of that. We don't have to earn this from others by trying to please them and gain their approval. We are already worthy of that. This isn't being egotistical or entitled. It's expecting decency. Thankfully, people don't treat me like that group of women did, and one reason is that, I would not be seeking friendship from them in the first place.

You can have self love. You are deserving of being treated decently. I hope that with work, you can believe this. Once you do, you will not tolerate anything less than this, from anyone. I hope you can believe it because, you are worth it.
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« Reply #18 on: January 18, 2023, 06:24:56 PM »

Excerpt
So, is it normal for me to feel lonely in this case or is it still me being unhealthy?

It’s totally normal. Apparently women need to spend time with friends twice a week in order to be at their best emotionally.

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« Reply #19 on: January 18, 2023, 09:22:34 PM »

How we were treated as a child has an influence on us. Ironically, feeling like we don't deserve to be treated kindly becomes a sort of magnet for people who don't treat us kindly[...]

You can have self love. You are deserving of being treated decently. I hope that with work, you can believe this. Once you do, you will not tolerate anything less than this, from anyone. I hope you can believe it because, you are worth it.

Notwendy, chiming in here to say thank you for sharing this. It really resonated with me.

Yeah, I realize that, logically, , but emotionally, it's hard to just let go of it. I felt rejected a lot as a kid, so I think I tried to understand why that was, and my brain filled in that I just wasn't "normal," almost like I was defective. Yeah, I think defective kind of explains that feeling. It's absolutely something I need to work on, but at least if I can identify the issue, that's a start.

WitzEndWife, I also felt rejected a lot as a kid. I'm working through that in therapy right now and I've had some revelations in the last few sessions. Very helpful to understanding myself and the dynamic as Notwendy talks about leading to being a caretaker to my stbx H uBPD. I identify with your statements and know that you can work through this too.
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« Reply #20 on: January 20, 2023, 08:38:12 AM »

It's definitely something I have to let go of. I didn't have abusive parents, but both were somewhat codependent and lacked confidence, but also had their own business, so they were gone or busy for most of my childhood. This left me with a deep sense of longing for comfort and to be seen. Of course, somewhere I learned that my needs wouldn't be met, so I ignored them and stuffed them down. In my later childhood, I learned to turn to food for comfort, but then adults in my family criticized me and made me feel abnormal for liking sweets and soda and for preferring reading or drawing to running around outside all of the time. Their words made me feel like a lazy glutton, unworthy of love. So, for much of my life, my self worth hinged on my physical self and trying to not appear "lazy."

In school, I was also met with mean girls. Middle school was bad. The girls were terrible. They just ignored and avoided me because I was chubby and had to wear more adult clothing (and back then, it wasn't really cute). My long, flowy skirts and vests and walking shorts were a stark contrast to the cute mini skirts and jacket sets they all wore. Most of my life at that time was a mix of humiliation and despair.

I'm trying to go back to that version of myself and rewrite the narratives about myself. The adults meant well, but weren't educated about the effects of fat phobia on kids. I was fine and lovable and unique just as I was. I didn't need to change. Middle school kids are superficial and cruel and run with the pack. It wasn't even personal. They didn't know me and it was their loss.

It is going to take some doing to really make it sink in, but I'm doing my best.
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« Reply #21 on: January 21, 2023, 01:53:35 PM »

It's interesting how our childhood can impact our own self esteem. For me, it was BPD mother's projections of her own issues. She herself was constantly "dieting" which I now know is an eating disorder. She was slim. I was as well but she kept telling me I was getting fat and I was afraid I also was fat. This began at puberty and what actually was happening was the normal body changes and weight gain at puberty which to her seemed I was only gaining weight. I was also an athletic kid, in sports and so had muscles but the influence of the skinny supermodels also made me feel insecure as I didn't look like that.

My father once told me to lose weight. I suspect my mother put him up to it.
I am shocked he went along with it. What father says that to his teen age daughter even if she might have a few extra pounds?  Daughters need to know they fathers approve of them. I can understand if maybe a child was morbidly obese but then, you take that child for medical help if they need it.

Even in college, I'd see that other girls were more confident than I was. I was a bit scared to meet boys.

If we look around, there are people of all shapes and sizes who are lovable. We have to believe we are too.
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WitzEndWife
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« Reply #22 on: January 23, 2023, 08:55:03 AM »

It seriously makes me so angry that people's body size can be used as a cudgel against their self worth. And it starts so young! I know things are starting to change, so hopefully these younger generations can at least not have that to deal with as much. Still, there's a whole lot of us with these kinds of issues.

As a little kid, I wasn't fat. I may have gotten a tiny bit toward the upper limits of "normal" for my age around the time when kids' bodies prepare for puberty, but then when my grandparents and aunts and uncles called attention to it, it was like it was the worst thing in the world. And once they started restricting my food, that's when I started eating more and actually started battling weight gain. If they would have just left me alone, everything would have sorted itself out and maybe I wouldn't have had so many body issues throughout my life.

I can't imagine doing that to a kid. I don't care if a child is "obese," they're a child! Kids always interpret adults judging them as a barrier to being loved. Being loved is existential to them. It's not something you want to mess around with.

But, now that it's happened to us, the best thing we can do is unpack it, learn the lessons, and move along.
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« Reply #23 on: January 23, 2023, 10:29:58 AM »

It seriously makes me so angry that people's body size can be used as a cudgel against their self worth. And it starts so young! I know things are starting to change, so hopefully these younger generations can at least not have that to deal with as much. Still, there's a whole lot of us with these kinds of issues.

...

Kids will use ANYTHING as a cudgel to bully eachother.  seriously... if not weight, then looks, clothes, intelligence (don't want to be too smart or too dumb), etc etc.

 and it hasn't really improved since we were kids, despite the rhetoric around anti-bullying.  My daughter is young, elementary school-aged , and it blew my mind to learn from her teacher that almost all the kids in her class are already online, gaming every night.  She confided in me she felt excluded, and I couldn't believe there were so many other parents out there that just let their kids get online for hours each night.  I'm having to wade into that cesspool now, to guide her into it.

when we were kids, at least home was a refuge from school.  Kids now don't even have that. 
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« Reply #24 on: January 23, 2023, 11:00:18 AM »

PeteWitzEnd - That sounds like a nightmare to have to navigate through. I guess the internet is the new electronic babysitter. And, yeah, what do you do? Allow a young kid to roam free in gaming land, absorbing who-knows-what from her classmates - or allow them to be excluded and deal with the consequences of that in the real world?

I guess, through all of that, that's why it's so important that we adults get US right between the ears so that we can help our kids or family members deal with their own feelings through a new frontier of challenges.
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« Reply #25 on: January 23, 2023, 11:29:59 AM »

PeteWitzEnd - That sounds like a nightmare to have to navigate through. I guess the internet is the new electronic babysitter. And, yeah, what do you do? Allow a young kid to roam free in gaming land, absorbing who-knows-what from her classmates - or allow them to be excluded and deal with the consequences of that in the real world?

I guess, through all of that, that's why it's so important that we adults get US right between the ears so that we can help our kids or family members deal with their own feelings through a new frontier of challenges.

yeah, my plan is to at least limit who she can interact with online for now, and talk with her about how to keep things in perspective, and not allow it to affect her inside. 

One of the things I felt I overcame way later than I would have liked was getting perspective on childhood and young-adulthood feelings of inadequacy and rejection.  and the Self doubt that came from that.

If I had been able to see then how temporary those years were, and how I'd move on and almost never encounter any of those people again... (and also that all of them had their own problems and self-doubt both then and later on), I wouldn't have struggled early in my career and with relationships and such like I did. 
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« Reply #26 on: January 24, 2023, 11:49:06 AM »

It's so strange how strong the impact of those early years is, even though the incidents might have been a blip on the timeline. It truly goes to show how delicate the developing brain is. It can take a lifetime to undo momentary damage. How wild.
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« Reply #27 on: February 04, 2023, 07:20:48 PM »

I'm a dog lover too and I'm sorry you are dealing with your sick pet alone. I, too, was bullied as a kid (for being bookish and shy, the usual) and have low self esteem. I've gotten too a good place in my divorce (my kids keep me from being lonely, but they won't be around forever...someday they'll fly the coop, but not yet.) Is your dog a beagle like the pic? How are you doing?
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« Reply #28 on: February 10, 2023, 11:13:52 AM »

Is your dog a beagle like the pic? How are you doing?
I have a Beagle and a Treeing Walker (that's the "problem child"). I'm doing okay, actually. My depression is lightening day by day, despite the issues and challenges. I at least feel able to handle everything, which I was not feeling like before.
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« Reply #29 on: February 21, 2023, 08:04:54 PM »

I'm glad you're feeling better. And that your dogs are too (I hope!) Do you have self care methods? My favorite is to sit in a coffee shop, make a to-do list to get everything organized, and do some people watching. It helps me recharge. I miss having a dog. But my kids, work, and creative stuff (when I actually can get to it) are keeping me busy for now.
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