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Author Topic: She blocked me again  (Read 430 times)
Torimagic

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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up
Posts: 29


« on: January 19, 2023, 08:11:54 PM »

I’m sitting her sobbing feeling so disappointed in her, and so hurt. She blocked me in Oct after a couple of weeks of separation and it felt like a knife through my heart. I asked her about it and she told me to “stop being so accusatory” she was hacked and it wasn’t her. I knew she was lying but she unblocked me right away. I haven’t been on social media for 3 months after that to heal and when I returned today I did look and Bam blocked. We had such a positive nice exchange in Nov,  I thought everything was okay. We have been NC but in my delusional world I thought maybe she started to do work and we could be friends when we see each other in Spring. (Big events of travel with a group). I know she has BPD. I have read soo many posts on this forum where people commonly do this. She is in her 40s. It’s so immature and hard to grasp why she would be so intentional hurtful. I want to be amicable on this travel trip with our group, and feel so nauseated at who this person actually is to block me when I haven’t even been on social media for 3 months! Any feedback would be awesome. This is so far from my realm of communication I still somehow find myself shocked. Thanks.
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Pook075
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married but Separated
Posts: 1040


« Reply #1 on: January 27, 2023, 08:42:35 AM »

So sorry you're going through that- my BPD wife (separated 5.5 months) unfriended me on social as well.  It did hurt at first and like you, I hoped to be friends and have some communication since we have kids and a new grandson together.  But for now, that's not in the cards and I have no control over that.  We're mostly NC as well except for occasionally discussing bills.

All I can say is keep your head up since there's no other easy answer.
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Torimagic

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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up
Posts: 29


« Reply #2 on: January 27, 2023, 09:20:05 PM »

Thanks for the reply. Yes, I wish the moments of clarity lasted longer. It’s all so confusing and hard.
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SinisterComplex
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken Up
Posts: 1190



« Reply #3 on: January 30, 2023, 02:34:17 AM »

I’m sitting her sobbing feeling so disappointed in her, and so hurt. She blocked me in Oct after a couple of weeks of separation and it felt like a knife through my heart. I asked her about it and she told me to “stop being so accusatory” she was hacked and it wasn’t her. I knew she was lying but she unblocked me right away. I haven’t been on social media for 3 months after that to heal and when I returned today I did look and Bam blocked. We had such a positive nice exchange in Nov,  I thought everything was okay. We have been NC but in my delusional world I thought maybe she started to do work and we could be friends when we see each other in Spring. (Big events of travel with a group). I know she has BPD. I have read soo many posts on this forum where people commonly do this. She is in her 40s. It’s so immature and hard to grasp why she would be so intentional hurtful. I want to be amicable on this travel trip with our group, and feel so nauseated at who this person actually is to block me when I haven’t even been on social media for 3 months! Any feedback would be awesome. This is so far from my realm of communication I still somehow find myself shocked. Thanks.

So its simple really...its all about control. Think about how you feel...you fell hook, line, and sinker. You responded in the way that she wanted and predicted...hurt, confused, etc. The only cure is for her to come back on her terms to put you under her thumb. That alone should help you derive some fire from this to kick start motivation in you to not be so affected. You control you right? No one else controls you? See where I am going here? Stop thinking you are dealing with a normal person and shift your expectations of what you think should happen or what people would normally do. That will help you immensely.

Beyond that go about your business with the thought perhaps she will not be in your life moving forward and learn to be ok with that. That is out of your control. Based on your responses here though I would tell you for you just be open to communication, but don't get your hopes up and don't hedge any bets on it. Move forward and strive to better yourself and whatever happens from there happens. Just focus on putting yourself in positions to succeed and receive positive opportunities and let the universe handle the rest.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-
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Through Adversity There is Redemption!
Torimagic

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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up
Posts: 29


« Reply #4 on: January 30, 2023, 03:41:12 AM »

Thank for your response! I need to intensely integrate what you said that I am not dealing with a normal person, and take back my power. She doesn’t control me. Yes, you are spot on. And I’m committing to a hardcore self care plan for the next 60days. I need to take back my power before I’m forced to have to see her in April. And yes a huge part of that is the acceptance she probably won’t be my friend or in my life after this travel trip.
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NarcsEverywhere
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Living Together
Posts: 438


« Reply #5 on: January 31, 2023, 06:14:10 AM »

One thing I'm realizing, is my Dad with a bad childhood, narcissistic traits, and a lot of complicated manipulation tactics that he uses, is basically a little spoiled kid, with a lot of anger issues, and a lot of tactics to get his way and avoid responsibility. So, when you see the behavior and find it erratic and irrational, it's because you're dealing with an emotionally unhealthy child, with the intelligence and body of an adult. It's quite damaging what that combination can do to people. But it's the truth.

Same thing with my exBPD gf, she even once told me basically that she's not an adult, when we got into a fight once.
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Torimagic

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What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up
Posts: 29


« Reply #6 on: February 01, 2023, 02:53:25 AM »

Yes, completely agree. I saw her dissociate and regress into a little kid and then now seeing these very emotionally immature Bxs. For someone in her 40s, the little kid within is certainly running the show. It is just sad she doesn’t have the adult version of herself to help make healthier choices. I need to repeat this to myself when I see her, not get sucked into her glamour!
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NarcsEverywhere
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Living Together
Posts: 438


« Reply #7 on: February 01, 2023, 07:39:21 AM »

Hey ToriMagic:

Yeah, my Dad regressed into an anxious child (recently) that felt deeply in trouble, and ashamed, and probably scared, when I strongly set a boundary and didn't buy into his barrage of manipulation tactics. It was uncomfortable, and actually causes more fear in me, because it just shows how erratic he can be. But I also feel sorry for him.

With my ex-GF who has BPD, yes, they definitely have glamour, they strongly cultivate this beautiful, eccentric image of themselves, and act all dramatic and out going, and like Divas. It's really attractive, and kind of magical, but when you realize it's pretty much all a sham to get attention, or to fill the void in their soul, it's actually mostly just sad.

My advice? Pity them, even feel for them, but you can't save someone from themselves, especially someone who is so avoidant of dealing with themselves, that they will ruin countless lives, just to avoid it. And friendship, even though possible I guess, is probably gonna be toxic for you, because she's still going to be erratic, and rude, and inconsiderate, she's still going to be a bottomless pit of neediness.
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