Okay, I'm pissed.

[NarcsEverywhere]

I feel so angry, that my neighbor (who probably has BPD) seemly neglected cats, as some sort of rebellion against me urging her to not do the very things I urged her to do, either that or she just didn't care about what I said, but it seems too coincidental, to not be the former, even if it was a subconscious rebellion. Not to mention the stray cat, and I was trying to save, that mysteriously died, and she buried it, and all the others, near my front door. Her poor boyfriend is having his life destroyed, and I'm not gonna get involved, but god I feel sorry for him.

I just feel so angry, that most of the people with BPD I've known (I've known 3), and my Dad has some similar traits, would move heaven and earth, just to do the opposite of what you want, no matter how reasonable or important. Once they feel their weak identity is being crushed, by you actually having a personality, then they will do whatever they can do stop that, to walk on your boundaries, to manipulate you, whatever they can, it's sick.

I know at some point, I'll feel sorry for them again, but right now, I really don't want to. The damage they cause is too extreme to not feel so mad about it. I don't think it's good to hate all people with BPD or something, and honestly, I don't want to hold onto all this anger forever, because it's bad for me. But for now, I'm so outraged at peoples behavior, it's disgusting to neglect, manipulate, and abuse, just to escape all responsibility for your sick actions, and just to get what you want.

[yellowbutterfly]

That is HORRIBLE, I'm so sorry. 

[NarcsEverywhere]

Like, 2 of her cats ran away (I urged her to be home more with them, she left them outside, even in the winter, they did have a cubby, with blankets outside). But, eventually her not being home, led to them running away, and they were kind of old. I urged her to get her cats fixed, and she let them breed like crazy, even in my yard. Which also led to 2 very young kittens dying of a flea infestations (this is the only time I could have probably reported her, and I wish I did, but she had me so manipulated, that I didn't).

And I would show anxiety about her driving in and out of her driveway fast, she ignored me, and got angry (at some woman) and ran over a cat one time. I told her I didn't want her to have the stray that I was trying to save, and it mysteriously dies a few days later. And another cat of hers died because of all the fighting over having sex with one of her cats. And like I said, all buried right outside my front door, next to her house.

I actually do think it's impulsive, and maybe even subconscious, because she seems super out of control, and not this calculated killer, but it's still disgusting. I cried for every single one of those cats that died, and was close to some of them. I feel sorry for them, but also I feel like she's been abusing me with my love of cats. And her other cat visits me, and I'm scared of her seeing me pet her, but I feel sorry for her, because she's probably neglected. So I try to pet her when she's not looking.

I'm so tired of dishonest, sick people. I'm so tired of being afraid in my own home (because of my Dad), and in my own yard, because I'm around people like this. It's hard to feel safe, with love in your heart, like this.

yellowbutterfly, thanks for your response, yeah it all blows.

[NarcsEverywhere]

Keep going out front, to try to walk, to try to get out more, to get more time away from my Dad and to get more independence. And I keep seeing the area where my neighbor buried the cats. I keep cussing about a lot of things today, it's hard again. Thought I felt better after yesterday. It's hard to reconcile people you care about, liked and trusted, doing so many screwed up things, to others and to you. All the manipulations, all the abuse, all the lies. It's so disgusting.