Ex Triangulating with My Mum

[Bruno250]

Ex gf with bpd told my mum she thinking about me but also said to her she isn’t going to give me a second chance and won’t forgive me for things? But my mum has pin pointed it to that every time she thinks of me she talks to my mum. Mum feels like she’s being used by my ex. She says all these things but actions are different like now every day my ex starts a conversation with my mum since she went back home to her family. What do I do and how do I fix this?

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Bruno250]

Ex gf with bpd told my mum she thinking about me but also said to her she isn’t going to give me a second chance and won’t forgive me for things? But my mum has pin pointed it to that every time she thinks of me she talks to my mum. Mum feels like she’s being used by my ex. She says all these things but actions are different like now every day my ex starts a conversation with my mum since she went back home to her family. What do I do and how do I fix this?

[outhere]

Hi Bruno250.  What is it exactly that you want to change?

[Bruno250]

I want to be back with her I can tell she misses me but she’s a very stubborn person in the sense she won’t reach out but is indirectly talking to me through my mum

[kells76]

It sounds like you would prefer that your ex talked to you directly. That makes sense.

Does your mom voluntarily tell you what your ex says, or do you ask your mom to tell you what your ex says?

I wonder what you could say to your mom, that could make it clear that you no longer wish to hear what your ex says to your mom indirectly.

After all, so far, this setup is working for your ex. But not for you. So, you have some choices you can make, that would change the dynamic.

What are your thoughts?

[alterK]

Have you talked with your mother? Your ex keeps talking to her because she listens. If you mom isn't involved with your ex, it shouldn't be hard to persuade her to break off when your ex calls and starts complaining. On the other hand, if there is some relationship between the two (and probably not a good one, so far as you're concerned) things may be more complicated.