Child made a libelous social media post

[TiredMama01]

Hello,
Our 18 year old daughter who lives in another state (long story   ) made a post on social media that contains many outright lies. I know that she posted it when she was having a severe emotionally dysregulated episode.  I have done some research and believe that the post does fall under libel. We have not confronted her about the post, though she wrote that she does not care if we, her parents, have seen it. I want to report the post, but know that if I do and it does get removed, she will come after us with a vengeance that I'm not sure I want to go through again. I am beside myself.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[kells76]

Hello TiredMama01 and welcome to the group -- you're in a place with people who understand just how tired you are of all the challenges, conflicts, behaviors, and dysregulations.

It might help us to know a bit more about what the post contains -- to the extent that you feel comfortable sharing, of course.

For example, is it directed at you? your husband? another family member? someone else?

Is the content "annoying but anyone who knows you knows it isn't true" (for example, "TiredMama01 cheats on her taxes")?

Or is it to the level that it could impact someone's employment and get someone arrested (i.e. "you are a sex offender and here is the evidence")?

My H's kids' mom has many BPD type traits, and she accused him (in a legal document) of cheating on his taxes. We did not engage with that.

She has also accused him of being abusive to the kids. After she did that to H's face, he decided to no longer meet with her (to discuss the kids) without someone else present.

Who it is about, and the potential impact of false accusations being taken seriously, are what I would consider as I decided what to do.

Another thing I might consider doing would be to get a free (or low cost) "initial consultation" with a local lawyer -- it's not the same as hiring the lawyer/putting the L on retainer, and often, in just a 30-60 minute session, you can get a lot of helpful info about what it would really look like to report the post as libel (what to expect, what is realistic, how it often plays out, benefits/drawbacks, etc).

I'll keep an eye on this thread if you want to keep talking through some options, and again, welcome;

kells76

[Pook075]

Welcome to the site!  Just a thought- your daughter wouldn't necessarily know that you reported the post.  If it's against the social media site's terms of service, then the site could just as well remove it themselves.  Literally anyone could report it.

There's two ways to handle this:

#1, The direct route.  Contact your kid and tell her to edit or remove the post.  Your kid will refuse.  You'll report the post, your kid will have a meltdown if it's deleted.  If it's not, then you could involve an attorney (if it's worth it to you) or at least threaten legal action.  You don't want to go this route for obvious reasons, but it makes your boundaries clear and a lesson will be learned.

#2, Skip all the drama and just report the post, then deny you had anything to do with it if there's blowback.  State what I said at the beginning, if it's against the site's policies, the social site probably removed it themselves.  Rules apply to everyone, even on the internet.  There's still a lesson learned and you only get maybe 25% of the blowback.

What you don't want to do is walk on eggshells and make it seem like it's okay to spread lies about family on social media.  Also, resist temptation to reply to the post, because then you're going to get her blowback online with others joining in...it just draws more attention to the situation and you don't want that.

Just my 2 cents, hope it helps!

[TiredMama01]

Thank you for your suggestions. I appreciate it. 

[PearlsBefore]

Practical: I have a few social media profiles if you wanted me to engage with the post as an "offended stranger" and be the bad guy who reports it - just private-message me the link.

Theoretical: This happens quite a bit, if you google my name you'll see all sorts of terrible untrue things all tied to a specific dBPD...ultimately the best way to confront it is essentially al-fana, ego death. Learn to not care and brush it aside even though it's unfair, it may cost you business, raise doubts in shared friends' minds or lower newcomers' estimation of you if it's ever easily found. Just. Don't. Care. That's my advice and honestly it's what has kept me sane. Probably won't be the last time she does it, you can try to ask her to remove it next time she is playing super-friendly, but it may not be worth the bother.

[Snigglefritz]

Hi Pearl,

Theoretical: This happens quite a bit, if you google my name you'll see all sorts of terrible untrue things all tied to a specific dBPD...ultimately the best way to confront it is essentially al-fana, ego death. Learn to not care and brush it aside even though it's unfair, it may cost you business, raise doubts in shared friends' minds or lower newcomers' estimation of you if it's ever easily found. Just. Don't. Care.
[/quote]
How do you learn to Just. Don't. Care.?