How long did your replacement last

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Just a small post too gather some information that might make me feel better, it’s been 1 year since I was brutally discarded and painted black while she played victim and smeared my name when I generally was the one abused and just kept my mouth  shut about it out of pride for myself not wanting too be known as a victim, long story short after the final discard out the blew after a stupid argument that got so escalated out of proportion that I was instantly blocked with no closure only too be replaced after 4 years like 2 weeks later, was just wondering how long other peoples replacements lasted, I went complete nc since the discard and am still actually heartbroken but I would never take that loon back just as a said as sad as it is a want this replacement too get discarded and dumped like a did just so a know for sure that she’s just a lost cause then she can got out with whoever and a wouldn’t care, don’t know why that would make me happy but it would so just wondering as I said how long have other peoples replacements lasted

[Burnttoast]

Just a small post too gather some information that might make me feel better, it’s been 1 year since I was brutally discarded and painted black while she played victim and smeared my name when I generally was the one abused and just kept my mouth  shut about it out of pride for myself not wanting too be known as a victim, long story short after the final discard out the blew after a stupid argument that got so escalated out of proportion that I was instantly blocked with no closure only too be replaced after 4 years like 2 weeks later, was just wondering how long other peoples replacements lasted, I went complete nc since the discard and am still actually heartbroken but I would never take that loon back just as a said as sad as it is a want this replacement too get discarded and dumped like a did just so a know for sure that she’s just a lost cause then she can got out with whoever and a wouldn’t care, don’t know why that would make me happy but it would so just wondering as I said how long have other peoples replacements lasted

[once removed]

my ex jumped into a new relationship as soon as we ended. it was being established before that.

we were together just shy of three years. their relationship lasted for over four years. thankfully, i did not hold my breath for those four years, but i did for a good six months or so.

don’t know why that would make me happy

it feels that way because of the deep sense of rejection and hurt you have - you want to reverse that feeling, and psychologically, it feels as though thats the only way to do it. you might have even fantasized about her trying to come back just so you can reject her.

unfortunately, if they broke up tomorrow, you might feel vindicated, but its not going to do much to put a dent in healing that wound. two things will help.

1. honor your grief. be mindful of, and acknowledge your feelings, whatever they are...if you miss her, if you feel rejected, betrayed, whatever it is. sometimes we try to run the other direction with our feelings. the way out is through.

2. surround yourself with people that love and accept you and validate who you are. that will help to heal the wound.

[Gutt3rSnipe]

Just a small post too gather some information that might make me feel better, it’s been 1 year since I was brutally discarded and painted black while she played victim and smeared my name when I generally was the one abused and just kept my mouth  shut about it out of pride for myself not wanting too be known as a victim, long story short after the final discard out the blew after a stupid argument that got so escalated out of proportion that I was instantly blocked with no closure only too be replaced after 4 years like 2 weeks later, was just wondering how long other peoples replacements lasted, I went complete nc since the discard and am still actually heartbroken but I would never take that loon back just as a said as sad as it is a want this replacement too get discarded and dumped like a did just so a know for sure that she’s just a lost cause then she can got out with whoever and a wouldn’t care, don’t know why that would make me happy but it would so just wondering as I said how long have other peoples replacements lasted

My ex began devaluing me after a forgotten date and never truly  stopped until she discarded me to go back to her long term ex of 5 years. So basically I was the replacement guy in your situation. Our relationship officially lasted about 3 months in idealization phase. After that she kept me in the devaluation stage for about 2 months until her first official discard of me about 16 days ago.. 5 months total then.

[SaltyDawg]

I can only speak to my first relationship with a uBPD/NPD/+/exgf.

The discard phase lasted roughly 6 months, I only went back long enough to collect my belongings as I had came under the 'spell' of another much higher functioning uBPD woman who is now my wife with whom I am still married to, for how much longer I don't know.

I think my wife is going to switch teams and go lesbian or transgendered based on the 'self-help' books that she has a pile of on her nightstand and reading.

[brighter future]

My uBPD ex-girlfriend and I split 3 years ago next month. It was very abrupt and unexpected on my part. To put it mildly, it hit me like a ton of bricks.  She left me for the guy that she left her ex-husband for about two years prior. When she left her ex-husband, she went straight to this guy.  Unbeknownst to me at the time, she dumped this guy abruptly to start dating me. I found out about her past with him around 3 months into our relationship (she volunteered the information), and I had no idea that she was seeing him when we started dating. She stated that it was a fling and a rebound after her ex-husband and that it "meant absolutely nothing to her." I gave her the benefit of the doubt and let it go. In hindsight, I wish I would have taken it seriously and noticed that it was a huge red flag.

I was told by mutual friends that she was talking to this guy the day after our split on the phone, and they were dating steady a week later. One of those mutual friends said that she told her "He is my kind of crazy." Good for her! I'm glad she finally met her match. They dated for two + years and ended up getting married around 5 months ago. Supposedly, there is a lot of co-dependency going on between the two of them (same as it was with her and I), and both of them are recovering alcoholics. My therapist had a theory that maybe my ex felt more comfortable being with someone that was as damaged as she is (similar chemical dependency issues). Maybe so, but who knows.

When she was seeing him before me, she was also talking with at least 3 other guys at the time (another red flag I should have taken note of). More than likely, she was probably doing the same when she was with me. Right after our split, I went back through her social media and his and saw that there was communication out in the open for everyone to see between the two of them. I imagine that there was also plenty to see behind the scenes in private messages. She contacted me on and off in various ways for 2+ years that we've been apart while she was dating him. Fortunately, that came to an end a few months after I started dating again and moved on with my life. Oddly enough though, she stopped my mother in the grocery store just last week. My mother said that it was awkward, and that my ex made it a point to get her attention, as she said that she would not have noticed my ex if she didn't reach out to her.

I'm sorry that you are experiencing this, and I wish you well in the future. It does get better with time.

[21Conflicted]

I have been reading these boards for almost 2 years, taking it all in.  It's all so familiar.  We've all lived the same nightmare.

20+ year marriage, she filed for divorce in year 11, but I resisted and she came back in year 13. (I know now that was a "re-cycle") We were good for about 5 years when we had an apointment for some counselling and I was ambushed by the counsellor with "give in to a dissolution or she'll proceed with a divorce".  In the next few months I discovered empty bottles in her closet and elsewhere.  Wondered about a drinking problem.  She never did anything with a divorce and things were pretty good.  Then she was melting down in early 2021, I was very sick with Covid (triggered her?)  and she was not acting stable.  She announced she was in AA and we got a family counselling session and told me, daughter and son that she wasn't coming home.  She moved in with someone from AA. 

That lasted about a year.  Since then she's texted me with her vile and threats.  Our kids see her sparingly.  She acts like she's the world's best mom, but ultimately a total failure in reality.  I'm sure she know, but after all this, I don;t really care anymore. 

I've joined a "meetup.com" group and it's wonderful.  I've met some great people and have friends again. 

[MeandThee29]

Mine was a marriage of several decades. My attorney said my divorce was "memorable and unprecedented" and that I'd get a whole chapter if he ever wrote the book people said he should write. There was a high level of concern about violence during the divorce and after. He lives far away and irrationally fears the flare-up of memories here, so I'm probably OK.

None of my replacements have lasted, as far as I know. He seems to have largely moved on, although he still wants a relationship with our adult children, who refuse to have anything to do with him. Periodically, he wants them to fly down, probably to meet a love interest, but they've remained no contact. He sends them flowery cards and checks periodically. I don't know why any rational adult would fly down to spend time with someone with such a long history of addiction and mental health issues (diagnosed BPD/NPD). Of course, he doesn't see it that way.

Yes, it's hard. I get that completely. All those years and this is where it is. I still grieve, but it had to be.