Update and PTSD

[yellowbutterfly]

hi everyone,

For those of you who I've interacted with, I thought I'd update you a little. While my divorce is close to being "done", I'm not doing well. I've been diagnosed with PTSD from my experience with my stbx H uBPD. I have flashbacks, panic attacks, and more. It's horrible. I'm working with individual T, group T, and my psychiatrist but each day is a new struggle. Some are good, some are bad ending up with panic attacks that send me to the ER.

I despise him and the abuse he inflicted on me. PTSD is horrible but I'm trying to heal. Little by little I will get through this. Right now, it's rough.

[BigEasyHeart]

I'm so sorry to hear this but also not surprised. I was having panic attacks and emotional flashbacks for the first several months after I was discarded. I still have a lot of anxiety. I'm currently trying EMDR to help with this. I don't think I've been through half of what you have, so it makes sense that you are having an especially difficult time. You've been through a traumatic experience, no doubt about it. You are doing all the right things though. Please stick with it. We are all behind you!

P.S. There are lots of breathing exercises that help with panic attacks. You probably are already aware but if not, search for this and for "alternative nostril breathing".

[yellowbutterfly]

Hi Bigeasyheart

thanks for replying. yes, I've been looking into the breathing exercises and I've been trying to attend some amazing workshops/lectures/events on wellness. It all helps until I come crashing down with a panic attack.

Also, how did you like EMDR? I am researching this.

Just hearing that you understand how I feel is reassuring.

thank you  

[SaltyDawg]

YellowButterfly,

   Thank you for the update.  Keep up the good work on NC.

   PTSD is not good.  I actually have come face to face with machine gun toting terrorists in my career, which I found a lot less stressful that my relationship with my uBPDw -- that says a lot on what these relationships can do to a person.

   Also, I am going to leave for a while, and will no longer be responding directly starting this weekend.  You can reach me in the same manner as before, if need be.

   Be sure to do plenty of self-care.  Take care, and good luck on your path forward through life and your PTSD relationship recovery.

 

SaltyDawg

[BigEasyHeart]

Hi yellowbutterfly,

I'm liking EMDR a lot so far and interested to see where it goes. I'm almost 6 months out and feel like a still have a long ways to go but I'm hoping this will be one of several strategies that helps me get to where I need to be.

My therapist suggested it because he thought that it might help with some issues related to the traumatic experience of being left in a really bizarre way without warning or any real explanation. He is trained in EMDR and said sometimes it can help with aspects that are resistant to more cognitive approaches alone. We spent about three sessions preparing for the procedure and the last two actually doing it. The idea, as I understand it, is that emotions associated to traumatic memories are very strongly attached and resistant to change. EMDR involves "Bilateral stimulation" (doing things like tapping and eye movement) allows you to retrieve traumatic memories and more easily replace the negative emotions with more positive ones. They really don't know why it works exactly, but that is one theory. If you are interested, I suggest finding a therapist who you really trust and who is also well-trained in the method.

Keep up the good work you are doing on yourself yellowbutterfly. You are not alone!

[Couscous]

I have found what Jordan Peterson has to say about malevolence very helpful for me in understanding how traumatizing it is to be targeted by someone who has tried to do real harm to you. And sadly, this is something that my prior therapist did not understand….At.All. He tried very hard to convince me that my pwBPD wasn’t really trying to harm me, and that they were just “in pain” and trying to protect themselves, when in fact, this was not the case at all. Hearing what Jordan Peterson had to say about this totally validated my instincts about what I had experienced.

Perhaps it will be of some help to you too.

Here’s a short clip: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AfaVfudja08