Seeing NC sister at family gathering

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hi there,
I have been no contact with my u-BPD sister since 2016. We both attended family Christmas in 2021 on the spoken understanding we would be civil to each other. She was not and once again completely ruined Christmas (I won’t go into details).

I’m seeing her tomorrow for the first time since then at my 5 year old nephew’s birthday party (my brother’s son). There will be 60+ people there and it will be in a park. I will be attending with my husband and 3 month old baby.

I’m at a loss for what to say if my sister approaches me. She very well may come and say hello and want to meet my baby. I don’t want anything to do with her and my first instinct is to just ignore her and walk away. I will ask my husband to not leave my side the entire party. There will be enough “strangers” there so my sister will not cause a scene, but it wouldn’t be unlike her to try and turn on the charm, try and start a conversation and pretend everything is completely normal…

Looking for advice for how to approach this! Thanking you all in advance

[Starburst22]

Hi there,
I have been no contact with my u-BPD sister since 2016. We both attended family Christmas in 2021 on the spoken understanding we would be civil to each other. She was not and once again completely ruined Christmas (I won’t go into details).

I’m seeing her tomorrow for the first time since then at my 5 year old nephew’s birthday party (my brother’s son). There will be 60+ people there and it will be in a park. I will be attending with my husband and 3 month old baby.

I’m at a loss for what to say if my sister approaches me. She very well may come and say hello and want to meet my baby. I don’t want anything to do with her and my first instinct is to just ignore her and walk away. I will ask my husband to not leave my side the entire party. There will be enough “strangers” there so my sister will not cause a scene, but it wouldn’t be unlike her to try and turn on the charm, try and start a conversation and pretend everything is completely normal…

Looking for advice for how to approach this! Thanking you all in advance

[Tortuga50550]

Hi Starbust22,

I think that your idea to stick to your husband is good, but maybe won't be possible all the time, at least not from my experience. Maybe you could have your phone with you, and if she goes talk to you, tell her that you must make an important call for your job? Or go talk to someone else at the party, telling them that you have "important" things to talk to them. If you don't feel like being straight up with her it's the right way to handle things (with my BPD father it usually isn't), you could use excuses like that to get away from her.
That's an idea, anyway. Hope you won't have to use it though!