adult child

[new day]

I was recently given the book Stop Walking on Eggshells. I grew up with an explosive, self-centered  mother and walked on eggshells and now again I am walking on eggshells with my daughter. My daughter is in her 30's  and my biggest concern is her "melt downs" or rages. I did not see her often in her 20's as she went to college, lived and worked in a different state. Then she moved close to home and got married. Six months into the pandemic she announced she was divorcing (after 2 years)  and she was told by her ex she is "on the spectrum."  She believes this label describes her as on the spectrum people can have meltdowns. She was fired right before the holidays, we think due to a meltdown. When staying with us during the holidays she had an extreme episode of screaming that her life was not worth living, etc. I thought she was suicidal so we had her therapist talk to her.  Another time I was helping her clean her house when she had started screaming and yelling about how bad her life was. I endured 3 more that day until she settled down. I have not offered to help her since then. I know now I have to set clear boundaries. She found a therapist for her anxiety and gave me  permission to speak with her. The therapist  has had  a difficult time diagnosing her but clearly says she lacks empathy or concern for others.  My other daughter is convinced she is a narcissist. Regardless of the diagnosis, I know I need to take care of myself.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Turkish]

You do need to take care of yourself.

On the spectrum implies autism, and that tends to be more of a struggle for women. Men tend to be tolerated as being quirky or off-putting, but it isn't accepted in women so much.  Even so, her ex isn't a professional. The Suicide ideation is concerning though it doesn't sound like a crisis, yes?