sex and my BPD wife

[CravingPeace]

"She is trying and admits she is broken."


That's more than most of us can say, so there is some hope for you.

Otherwise, yes, exactly the same it seems when  it comes to sex. My wife has added "We're too old for that now" to the list of rejection excuses. We're just hitting our 60's. Yeah, there's mercifully less of an urge, but I'm not  not dead yet.
   

Correct you are not dead far from it. Clearly not about you. Just as in my case.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[jaded7]

Just want to say that for those who are benefitting from this discussion, there is another similar thread from a couple of days ago (today is Oct. 5 2023): Sex As A Test After/During Arguments

[DarthPooh]

Sex.  Wow, that would be nice.  It's been years.  Many, many years, and yeah, I still have the sex drive.  She uses "sex as a weapon" only in terms of her vile insults.  I'm not sure if it's going to happen again, just like i'm not sure if she's ever going to be mostly non-hostile or depressed (demanding i get her to happy or it turns to rage.)   Count yourself lucky that she cares enough to humor you in that way. 

[mitten]

It is only now with children and being in my mid 40s I think should I move on? Can I handle Divorce, the loss of access to my kids, the costs. Or can she get better with therapy as well (she is trying and admits she is broken). It is so good to read people with exactly the same experiences. Not similar. But exactly the same. Thank you all.

Welcome! Isn't it crazy how we all seem to share similar experiences?  It's such a bizarre and unique disorder.  That being said, divorce doesn't seem like a good option either.  Knowing a person with BPD, they will be re-married quickly and then you'll have to put up with your kids living with another man.  Sorry that is such a depressing answer.  How old are they? 

[CravingPeace]

@mitten. You have pretty much hit the nail on the head. Divorce would be traumatic, her father tells me she used to go for bad boys before she met me. I guess she saw something stable in me. The biggest fear would be divorce then exposing my children to a bad choice she makes for a new partner. My kids are young. Youngest 1 month, oldest 7. I am resigned to work on myself, make myself happy. Hope but not expect she can heal with the therapy she is in, but know that I need to cope in this for as long as I can. The sadness I feel that I may never feel what a mutual trusting , emotionally adult and intimate relationship is like is real. It is not all hopeless, but I need to accept the realities of where I am for now and make my peace.