I need help to find my self and love again

[jose_brasil]

My wife has BPD, I´ve just discovered about the disorder and what is two weeks ago, when a friend told me about her suspections when I told what was happened.
This is my second marriage and I have a 9 years old boy from the first marriage.
My wife makes it a constant dispute, dispute for attention, for love. She always complains when my son is with me at home. She says I dump her, that I only do nice things with him, which is absolutely not true.
Whenever he comes I have to live with the explosion cycles, several days of silence and always criticizing everything I do and my son too.
I am reading the book "Stop Walink on Eggshells" and now it is clear that it all due the borderline and I am not guilt of having a son or take care of him.
I don´t know what to do, I love her, but I can´ttake these cycles of outbursts, verbal aggression and weeks of silence and isolation anymore.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Smedley Butler]

I have nothing to offer in the way of advice or guidance, but I'm right there with ya.  Outbursts, negativity, aggression, silence...only to snap out of it a few hours, days, weeks later and act like everything is perfectly fine and that YOU are the one with the problem.  It's a crazy train.

FWIW, the major books that get recommended on this site and others pretty regularly are good...but they arent going to solve your problems either.  Mostly they helped me understand what was going on in my chaotic home and why, and they validated that I am in fact dealing with a person with mental illness...and that I'm not a villain.  Beyond that, I found a lot of the coping mechanisms and ways to deal with your BPD wife so-so.  They make sense in black and white, but when you try to apply them to reality, the wheels tend to come off.  Anyways, your mileage may vary.

[Jabiru]

Hi and welcome It's a special needs kind of relationship that requires different treatment.

I also recommend reading Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist for more practical tips.

What have you applied from Stop Walking on Eggshells? Did it help?

[Amina]

Yes, loving a borderline is definitely a special kind of relationship that cannot be approached with basic communication skills and empathy. There are many books to read and urging treatment with DBT. Their minds do not work the same, over time you may recognize basic generalized patterns, but there are overall unexpected twists and turns, and even when presented with facts that suggest otherwise, they can find anything to not take ownership or blame for the situations and behaviors.