I think people with BPD don't have souls

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I'm going through a divorce, and I want to scream.  I am losing over 130k because I married this loser without a pre-nup.  He wore a complete mask when we were dating. 

When my sister was getting divorced, and her ex asked for her retirement even though he had millions in retirement; my pwBPD commented on "what an a**hole" and how less of man.  But now that he's in the seat, he's a selfish sponge who's taking my retirement.  I worked since I was 15 so this is money I earned; and he can take it because he knows how to work the system.  "Don't put money in your retirement; just take ex's".  And he has lots of credit card debit too; he's giving me half of that.  He has no shame or empathy; but he loves to whine about how this divorce is soo hard for him.  Poor baby is financially gaining from verbally and emotionally abusing me for years.

F**k these people.  Their disorder is to be self-obsessed, whiny parasites who will never grow up. 

Lessons to learn from my mistakes.
1) Never get married
2) Run from anyone who has BPD or BPD in their family because they are grenades waiting to exploded.

[FionaCPD1]

I'm going through a divorce, and I want to scream.  I am losing over 130k because I married this loser without a pre-nup.  He wore a complete mask when we were dating. 

When my sister was getting divorced, and her ex asked for her retirement even though he had millions in retirement; my pwBPD commented on "what an a**hole" and how less of man.  But now that he's in the seat, he's a selfish sponge who's taking my retirement.  I worked since I was 15 so this is money I earned; and he can take it because he knows how to work the system.  "Don't put money in your retirement; just take ex's".  And he has lots of credit card debit too; he's giving me half of that.  He has no shame or empathy; but he loves to whine about how this divorce is soo hard for him.  Poor baby is financially gaining from verbally and emotionally abusing me for years.

F**k these people.  Their disorder is to be self-obsessed, whiny parasites who will never grow up. 

Lessons to learn from my mistakes.
1) Never get married
2) Run from anyone who has BPD or BPD in their family because they are grenades waiting to exploded.

[Couscous]

It’s criminal really, and sounds like he may also have some psychopathic traits too.

I’m so very sorry you are going through this but glad you are getting out. It takes a lot of courage to exit an abusive relationship and you will get through this!

[ForeverDad]

I don't know whether this is correct history, but the gist I've read is that the source of "Borderline" is that the person has perceptions and behavior that are in-between being actionable and not, insane and not, in other words, isn't quite disordered enough to be institutionalized.  That leaves those of us in close contact with them in a sort of in-between zone, sometimes actionable, sometimes not.

[PearlsBefore]

I don't know whether this is correct history, but the gist I've read is that the source of "Borderline" is that the person has perceptions and behavior that are in-between being actionable and not, insane and not, in other words, isn't quite disordered enough to be institutionalized.  That leaves those of us in close contact with them in a sort of in-between zone, sometimes actionable, sometimes not.

Officially it's the borderline between neurosis and psychosis, not fitting neatly into either category holding elements of each - but there's a parallel use of "borderline schizophrenia" in older texts which just merged into the etymology of the borderline between N&P.

[Couscous]

I don't know whether this is correct history, but the gist I've read is that the source of "Borderline" is that the person has perceptions and behavior that are in-between being actionable and not, insane and not, in other words, isn't quite disordered enough to be institutionalized.  That leaves those of us in close contact with them in a sort of in-between zone, sometimes actionable, sometimes not.

He may not have BPD at all. Lack of empathy, exploitation and parasitic lifestyle are not symptoms of BPD -- they are symptoms of psychopathy.  Of course there's always the possibility that he could have both disorders.

[yellowbutterfly]

hi Fiona

I feel like I could have written this statement.

 

I'm going through a divorce, and I want to scream.  I am losing over 130k because I married this loser without a pre-nup.  He wore a complete mask when we were dating. 

 I'm going through a very similar situation > he wore that dating mask of vulnerability,  he coned me, he abused me, and he is bankrupting me by dragging out the divorce and I didn't get a prenup either. I regret ever meeting him but I'm trying to work through it all in intensive therapy. He also left me with severe PTSD.

 IT IS NOT FAIR TO US, you have every right to be angry as do I.

[ForeverDad]

Laws vary from state to state, and even legal advice can vary from lawyer to lawyer.  That's one of the reasons we encourage consultations with more than one lawyer before retaining one.  Not all lawyers have the experience and proactive perspective that our difficult cases need.  That way you can hear a range of legal strategies.

In some states you may not have to split debts down the middle.  If your spouse has squandered money and created debts, especially new debts after filing for divorce, then ask your lawyer whether the court can rule that each spouse pay their own debts.

[FionaCPD1]

Thank you for your response on "inbetween-zones", ForeverDad.  Whether he's BPD with or without psychopathic traits; I don't care anymore.  He's an a** with and without the mental illness; lies, no intregity, no empathy.

One thing I've gain from this experience is humility.  My mom watches Dateline and any time I heard a story about a women who married a loser and was conned; I thought "Well I'm too smart for that to ever happen to me".  There but for the grace of god go I.  At least he didn't kill me.

I'm in a “equitable distribution” state, which means the court won't simply divide marital property evenly. Rather than splitting everything 50/50, they look at each party's current situation and future needs.  Yet, my experience is that the judge will divide it 50/50; because it's easier and quickly clears this case off her docket.

This is a an awful experience and yet I know it will get better.  It so unjust.