Four weeks on - report

[lookingforpen]

I have posted here on January, when I was considering breaking up with my then 5-month girlfriend. It followed thus:

1. We broke up on mid February.
When I broke up, I told her, first, that we had been very happy together and that I was grateful for our time. But I wanted to break up, because we had a bad relational dynamic. Our continual problem was that I always needed space, but whenever I asked for it, she resented it. Every time I had asked for space, she verbally acknowledged, but non-verbally, she protested with all her might and made no effort to hide her discontent with the request. I felt smothered.

She wasnt content with the explanation, so she probed, and probed. Then I told her, that moreover, that I was bothered by the fact that she had absolutely no interest in anything else that wasn't me. No friends, not even interest for work. She was only interested on me, and I felt burdened.

Not content, she probed more, so I told her that the reason was that she made me exhausted.

She then immediately quit a job that she was about to begin and moved to her mom, at another city. We didnt live together, she had her own rental in the city we were living in; but she couldn't bear staying there anymore, after breaking up.

Now, last week, she contacted. Said that she "respected my decision", but wanted to know what "made me give up of our relationship", that she wanted to meet personally, that this meeting would give her closure.

It caught my attention that she claimed to respect my decision, yet she insisted in her right to know what made me take it. The first part (I respect your decision) was false. There would be no reason for her to demand my reasons, if she accepted my decision.

To which I answered: I told you the reasons, many times and in many ways. I don't like that you hold me obligated to justify myself until your are satisfied. I dont think that we should meet.

She got offended, wrote something about her dignity, and deleted me (once more) from her contact list (her photo disappeared).

Then, about a week later - I was in a dating app by then - she likes my profile on the dating app. And soon afterwards calls me, and demands to know whether I was truthful to her when we broke up - when I told her that I wasnt breaking up because of a third woman, or any such thing - to which I responded, very angrily, that she had no right to come at me making accusations and that she was not my owner, and if I put myself on a dating app 4 weeks after breaking up, that is none of her business.

The long pauses... when we fought, previously, she got to a state where she telephones me, and stays for long periods in silence. Thinking how else to get to me, changing her line, her strategy. She did this once again. Unfounded accusations (you were not honest to me!), guilt trips (you had said that you had the intention of marrying me!), pleadings (can't we start again?), probings (can you detail me what have you reflected on these past weeks?). Now again, she did the same thing, and it absolutely drives me mad. I wasn't overly agressive, but didn't hide the fact that I was annoyed with such call, and since she would not get to her point, I said, about three times, that I would hang up, and at the fourth I did so.

Felt no guilt. When we broke up, I had doubts - did I do right? Did I give up on something that could have been wonderful, did I give up on perhaps my only chance of having a family? Now, I had none. The probing, manipulative behaviour, the unreasonableness, the absolute lack of respect for me, it all became clear as day. And I told her as much - I told her that she wasnt respecting me, that she was crossing several boundaries.

I have a feeling that this wont end anytime soon. I think that she is looking for a reason to hate me - maybe that will facilitate her getting over - but still hasnt found one. And she will pester me until she finds a reason to make me a villain.