I just feel so angry that people with these disorders get away with so much

[NarcsEverywhere]

They literally go around ruining people's lives, most taking zero responsibility, lying constantly, taking out all of their baggage on people. Do I think I'll recover? Yes, and I even say there is hope for you all, but many people don't even understand it at all, and never find the support they need, like my friend who killed himself. I don't think he knew that his mother had some version of Narcissism, or that the friend that he lived with did. Even just watching my neighbor who might have BPD walk around targeting vulnerable people, and watching her boyfriend turn into a shadow of his former self, while she often cheats on him with multiple boy toys, and plays the victim over the one time he cheated, and holds it over his head, is so disturbing.

I know logically, the biggest punishment to them is that they don't heal, and keep repeating the same mistakes, and, that makes sense, but emotionally, it feels like since they game everything so well, with all their manipulations, that they get away with so much more than most people could ever dream of, and leave a bunch of ruined lives in their wake, and it pisses me off so much.

It's not like I never showed them empathy either, I showed every single one of the people with these ego based personality disorders empathy, but you can't fill a blackhole. I know I'm going to do better at this in the future, and pick better people to get close to. I know I'm going to work hard on my codependent behaviors, and sabotaging behaviors, like trying too damned hard sometimes.

Sometimes I feel so angry that it's overwhelming, I want to do so much more than I could do right now, and then I'm left with the truth that I need to focus on myself, and my life, and the pets I am responsible for, and not meddle in affairs that I am not equipped or ready to deal with, and that maybe aren't even my responsibility to deal with. It's a conflict I have, a battle I have with myself, between wanting to do so much to stop it, and then being left with the reality, that I'm just a human being, going through a lot, and I'm forced to detach and accept my limitations, so frustrating.

[PearlsBefore]

I've got a Court that has taken six years to try and remove children from a mother who acknowledges  to the Court she has been to a specialist for BPD and either has BPD or severe BPD symptoms and been advised to therapy but refuses to take it out of fear she'll be locked up, acknowledges to the Court she has the rare subtype where it gets worse rather than better with age, acknowledges to the Court  more suicide attempts than she can count including in front of the children and telling the children it's their fault she's killing herself, I think she's up to three homicide attempts acknowledged to the Court that she ties into things like hearing people call her fat, she has a history of severe substance abuse to the point of organ failure, and three of the three men in her life acknowledge child-sex offences - one is currently in federal detention for it, one acknowledges he molested his own child for several years pre-puberty, one claims not to do it but to have an ongoing interest in it and discusses it with her. The day after a federal search warrant on her male friend turned up the sickest videos imaginable, she told the children to be prepared because they might be fleeing the jurisdiction with her and never return.  She acknowledges to the Court  hitting the children hard enough to cause concussions, she acknowledges to the Court  perpetrating domestic violence against her spouse and children, she is currently three years in contempt of a Court Order and the Courts just plead they are too "backlogged" to do anything other than keep reminding her it's harming the children on a daily basis and they really look down on this sort of behavior and one day it could be used against her at a mythical "final trial date" that's never been set because she just pleads off, unsuccessfully appeals and delays absolutely everything - she's on her 7th lawyer.

But the problem is that BEFORE she acknowledged all of that, she got authorities to say how wonderful and mentally healthy she is, so now THEY are conflicted and don't want to admit they're so easily bamboozled by a low-functioning BPD who can turn on the tears and put genuine emotion into her words assuring them that she's really just about to change.

We've been through countless supervisors, assessors, Court-appointed whatevers, they all return the same verdict "Dad is compassionate, high-functioning and sacrifices everything for his children and they spent years begging to be removed from Mom and put with him --- Mom is a trailer-park mess who was given standardized tests and scored in the lowest 1% for maternal attachment to children and had dismal scores all around which are visible in her treatment of them, barely getting off the couch and fostering addiction in them to allow her to focus on her needed me-time". For years.

The response? "Well that's good to hear the father is not a monster, maybe if we re-convene in another year the mother will have improved things? Let's set a date for a new assessment a year from now". She was the same in 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022 and now 2023 is shaping up to be her worst year yet. But she'll cry and appeal and get things put off until 2024, maybe 2025 - they seem to figure we'll see how many of our children survive that long alive, muchless mentally salvageable. One is already suicidal, another is depressed, two have complex PTSD, their formative years are spent as human sacrifices on the altar of a failed attempt to avoid admitting that social media hashtags like #MeToo and #BelieveAllWomen were not always correct.

It's absolutely batsh*t insane, it's child abuse and it's both immoral and criminal - and I'm tired of pretending it's otherwise.

[NarcsEverywhere]

Don't blame you for feeling mad, sometimes unfair how some women can use the victim card to get away with anything, because sometimes people think women are blameless victims who could never do any wrong, especially to their children. It's why my exGF, and the three women I've had some relations with who probably had BPD get away with WAY more than most men would in the situation. The victim card is highly effective for women. And also sucks that the system involves people with prejudice, who don't want to take responsibility, for fear of losing their own job, or suffering consequences. Six years is a long time to wait man.

All that being said, I know it sounds like I am advocating some sort of hatred, or prejudice against women or people with these disorders, I am not, it's just insane how little accountability people with these disorders suffer, seems like this type of psychological abuse itself, should be a crime, in my book, especially if it's pervasive, persistent, and leaves a string of severely harmed people in it's wake. To me, it's a form of rape, rape of the heart and soul.

[Couscous]

It's absolutely batsh*t insane, it's child abuse and it's both immoral and criminal - and I'm tired of pretending it's otherwise.

It is absolutely criminal!

Is there anybody that you can appeal to? Your Congressperson? The media?

I’m not sure if this will be of any consolation, but even in the absence of physical abuse, having a mother with BPD will almost certainly traumatize you and leave you with Complex PTSD. It is not unlike like experiencing a traumatic brain injury. But the brain can recover, and your kids can recover! Especially if they can get into therapy while they are young.

The most damaging part of experiencing abuse of any kind is that children assume that it’s their fault — and that is where the real damage is. If you are giving this message to them loud and clear then this will most certainly help mitigate the damage being inflicted on them.

My thoughts are with you.