new to this

[Sea]

hi all
my daughter had a psychotic episode which she is still in the recovery phase for now. One of the things the psychologist told us when she was in hospital was that they thought she had BPD.
She discharged herself before they could confirm this though- but to me it resonates. Now though she is convinced she has DID or other dissociative disorder as well as cPTSD (this is diagnosed by a professional in her teens)
She also is saying she may have ADHD and is on the Autism spectrum.

I just have no idea what to expect and we are waiting for a team to support us who have a psychologist to work through this with her.

She is cutting out everyone she knows one by one, claiming they are not understanding her, not listening, taking her seriously etc. This includes the whole family as well as her friends. She does have some new friends but they are also either all amazing or all bad if they say one thing that is wrong according to her.

She is 24 and I have to admit it has been hard with her even since she was a young teenager with eating disorders and self harm. I thought we had gotten to a good place and then she had the psychotic episode and is now behaving very differently.

Lately I have been wondering what to expect, and if it might be better if she moves out before she gets to a point of rejecting me too (I would hate for her to have to move out in a rush rather than a planned move and if she rejects me like the rest of the family - god knows where she would end up)

Does anyone have any advice on this? She has no job right now and is at Uni in her first year. I don't think I can afford to pay her rent as well as my mortgage...

Thanks

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[kells76]

Hello Sea, glad you reached out for some support as you are coping with your D's psychotic episode. That sounds frightening and stressful.

I'm reading that she discharged herself from the hospital and now you are waiting for a support team with a psychologist. Am I understanding correctly that even though your D left the hospital, she is still open to having a treatment team?

Does your D accept that she had a psychotic episode? If so, does she see that as serious?

It makes sense that you're wondering if planning her move out could be better than doing a reactive move after some future crisis, but of course, finances will dictate a lot of what is possible.

When she's at university, does she live in a dorm? I wonder if finding housing options through the university could help -- maybe they know of shared housing options (i.e. 4-6 people sharing rent on a house) that would be cheaper than "normal" rentals.

This is hard stuff, yet we're here for you as you take things one step at a time.

kells76

[Sea]

hi there,

she normally lives with me at home as we are in the same town as the uni...

She does say she was psychotic but now thinks she is "back to normal" and this is just a new version of herself.

She went to stay at a friends for a couple of nights so that was nice, the community team have confirmed to me that they can help her with accommodation if that's something she wants.

The thing is- I don't think she is going to say she wants that; we have had a very close relationship and she hates leaving me. I keep telling her that I am fine on my own and I have my own things to do but she is not really hearing that...
She says she doesn't want to live here anymore when she is agitated, but when things are going well/I am not under her feet or doing something she needs then it's all fine (for her)

I honestly think the best thing for her would be to have her own space and help from community so I can be mum again.

Have you had any experience with suggesting a move to someone who might react strongly to it? Any advice from the community is very much appreciated! I love her and want to do what's best for her mental health but also need to protect my own...

best
Sea

[kells76]

Hi again Sea, nice to hear back from you.

She does say she was psychotic but now thinks she is "back to normal" and this is just a new version of herself.

Well, it does sound positive that she acknowledges the psychotic break, though that would be difficult to hear her say "But I'm all better now!".

Is there any followup care/counseling happening? If so, does she comply with it (attend appointments etc)?

If not, I'm wondering if her openness to having ADHD/autism (even though perhaps those aren't really what's going on) could be a doorway for her to get long term counseling. I.e., if she doesn't see the psychosis and potential BPD as issues, maybe she'd be more okay with seeing ADHD/autism as issues, and that could be how she gets long term professional involvement. I'd suspect that professionals would be able easily to tell the difference between autism and BPD psychosis!

She went to stay at a friends for a couple of nights so that was nice, the community team have confirmed to me that they can help her with accommodation if that's something she wants.

The thing is- I don't think she is going to say she wants that; we have had a very close relationship and she hates leaving me. I keep telling her that I am fine on my own and I have my own things to do but she is not really hearing that...
She says she doesn't want to live here anymore when she is agitated, but when things are going well/I am not under her feet or doing something she needs then it's all fine (for her)

I honestly think the best thing for her would be to have her own space and help from community so I can be mum again.

I hear you, that makes a lot of sense -- that it'd be better for your relationship for each of you to have space from each other.

That's good that the community team can help with housing. Is that a team through the university?

How is your house set up right now? Do you have to share a lot of space with your D24 (kitchen, bath, etc)? I'm assuming she has her own room?

Have you had any experience with suggesting a move to someone who might react strongly to it? Any advice from the community is very much appreciated! I love her and want to do what's best for her mental health but also need to protect my own...

While I haven't had that experience (the pwBPD in my life isn't a child or adult child), I know there are other parents here who have had to navigate helping their young adult child find a separate place to live. Sometimes it doesn't work, sometimes it does. I think it's wise for you to think through what your D24 is actually like -- that yes, she would likely react strongly to you telling her "you have to move out". That means that you can plan ahead and brainstorm approaches that she will be more open to.

Does she react strongly to feeling like someone is trying to "convince" her of something?

Let us know how you've been doing, whenever works for you;

kells76