Hi and welcome
You're right. It's like a special needs kind of relationship.
A) I'd say focus on what's reasonable and in your power: You can try to avoid being invalidating and exercise healthy limits in your relationship. It can be hard to watch your loved one experience emotional dysregulation, but you can only do what you can do. I hear it depends on the person, but my uBPD wife seems to do best when we give each other an hour of separate time to calm down. Talk with her and see what works for both of you. Also check the Tips menu at the top of the page.
B) Ultimately it's up to you to weigh the options and decide what you want to do in your life. There are many success stories here, so it's possible depending on circumstances. Good luck and keep us updated.
