Separated - divorce filed

[Peter7654]

I’m married and have 2 kids. I was threatened with divorce multiple times. The ride was like a roller coaster. I do love my wife but there are major challenges during the last years. My wife has BPD and is an alcoholic. I feel used and just the provider for money. After shopping sprees I put a money restriction in place. We had big catastrophes with family dying, job loss, car accidents, break-ins, etc. Both of us needed time to get over it. Now my wife filed for divorce. I was thinking about it before but didn’t pull the plug. She threatened multiple times with divorce. She is taking care of everybody else but me. That’s how I feel. My wife feels that I’m no fun anymore and that she lost trust because of the money situation. I don’t really want a divorce but also know that it might be the best. I really love her and don’t want to lose her. She told me she wants to stay friends but I’m not sure if I can do that. I tried to talk to her in a reasonable way but it seems that this time she made up her mind about the divorce. Any suggestions?

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[SiberWolf]

Hi Peter,

Sorry to hear how this is going, and I unfortunately don't have a lot of great advice to help out right now. What I can say is that I'm in a very similar situation, possibly a little further along the roller coaster tracks than you, and completely empathize with how you feel.

The one thing I will say without a doubt is to protect those kids however you can. I only have one, he's 15 now, and he's doing okay but has seen a lot more trauma than he ever should have from dealing with an alcoholic mother. I sincerely wish I had focused more on his needs than trying to keep my relationship going. Fixing that now.

I'll post more of my insane story on here later in its own thread, when I'm able to focus more. But to summarize, my wife is currently in inpatient rehab, court ordered after a 3rd DWI. She was loving and affectionate as I took her to the rehab, and then immediately turned on me while in there. Tha wasn'ta big deal, I'm angry but used to it. The unacceptable part is that she repeatedly promises to call our child (and is perfectly allowed to) and then fails to do so.

To top it off, she's blocked all contact with me while in there, and then spent over $400 buying stuff from Walmart and Walgreens on Friday (apparently they let them use an online portal to buy extra stuff while at this rehab). Another sign of her excessive spending as well. Horrible part is that put her credit card well over limit, but the card company approved the purchases anyway.

I'm now the one planning to file for divorce, held on for so long but just can't do it anymore. I won't say what you should or shouldn't do, as I wasn't ready to listen to anyone else for a long time either. But if you ever need ti talk to someone who has been through the same wringer, please feel free to reach out.