One Funhy, One Not

[Turkish]

Open house at the middle school tonight. They invited the kids from my daughter's primary school. She's in 5th and will attend the MS next year where S13 is in 7th now.

They did a few parent-child games before releasing us to meet the teachers. It was held in the gym. Mommy and D11 participated in 2/4 games in front of everybody. Not being joiners, S13 and I watched from the bleachers.

Upon release, we talked to his science teacher first who was glad to see me.  I introduced Mommy. Then he and I talked for a while until mommy said, "let's go." We talked to a few more teachers after meeting the mom of S13's good friends since kinder. She didn't even acknowledge me. Whatever.

We talked to a few more teachers and the principal on the way out. Good evening, yet on the way to the parking lot, she commented that I dominated the convo with the science teacher talking between men. I said, "yes, we talked sports and beer," to which she responded "probably!" I told her no, that I had donated some wafers from work to help him educate the kids about tech and he was very appreciative and I wanted to know how the kids liked it. I work for a company like Intel. "Oh."

Assume makes an Ass out of U and Me? We learned that in at-risk youth mentoring where we first met. I met her at the dentist office at 0830 and I took the kids back to school and I didn't get to work until 1030. That earned me a sincere, rare hug. In retrospect, I was reminded later at open house that it doesn't matter. Maybe I'm too easily "butt hurt" as the kids say.

Past weekend, the kids told me mommy tried to hug S13 and he swept his arm out and hit her hard enough to make her cry. I asked her about it today and she told me that she almost punched him, but instead punched the wall. I asked if she reacted like that due to her childhood (growing up in a violent household). She responded yes. I guess I'll give her credit for not punching him. He's a strong kid and I've been coaching him about watching that. He swears he isn't angry at her.

[Notwendy]

Some teen age boys just don't want to hug mommy - they want to be all grown up ( probably later as they gain maturity, they will give parents a hug ) and separate from parents. Also, they are growing fast and may not be aware of their own strength. It's possible he was avoiding the hug and pushed her away too hard but not intentionally.

Good thing she didn't punch him. Punching the wall? Really? Seems like your son was acting like a teen age boy, but mother was not acting like an adult. This seems like a physical boundary for your son. If he doesn't want to be hugged, that's his right and if his mother keeps pushing that boundary, he may have resorted to pushing her away. It would have been more appropriate for her to sit down with him and let him know he needs to be more mindful of how strong he is. If he isn't larger than her already, he will be one day soon. On her part, if he doesn't want to be hugged, she needs to not push hugs on him.

[Turkish]

She's 4'11, but stronger than she looks (can drop and do push-ups, e.g.). At just 13, he's already about 5'8" maybe taller. I need to measure him... I'll talk to him again. I asked him several times and he swore he wasn't angry. The kids didn't tell me she punched the wall though. I asked him if he'd hit me if I were to hug him and he said no.

[Notwendy]

Did you ask him why he pushed his mother away? Did he intend to hit her or was it a push that was stronger than he expected? He is larger than she is.

I still think for a teen age boy, a Dad hug is different from a Mom hug. Little boys will hug and snuggle with their mother, but teen boys don't want to do that. On the mother's part, we have to respect that our kids have new boundaries as teens. They are still our "babies" but not babies now. If his mother has poor boundaries, she may still be trying to hug too much.

It would be interesting to hear how your son feels about what happened.