First post/introduction

[madduckmama]

I have recently found that my 21 year old daughter has been diagnosed with BPD. She denied it and claims the doctor and therapist know nothing. Her counseling sessions are not getting anywhere.
Four years ago this month she attempted suicide- it was like we brought a stranger home. Since then she has been struggling at best. A year ago she met a guy who I hoped at first would help her come out of her cycle of victim and suffering she was stuck in. At first it was good but then he introduced her to Marijuana. She had been so strongly opposed to it before that. She is deep in the self medication now.
I worry all the time. Her dad is basically out of the picture and she doesn't have a good relationship with him. I fell helpless, lost and alone. She barely tolerates me, has canceled almost all family and alienated friends.
My counselor referred me to this page for help and support. I look forward to hearing from you!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi Madduckmama and welcome
My dd has been on that journey too - bpd, substance abuse, really negative relationships. And yes, that feeling of being 'tolerated' - or just - is so hurtful when you have more or less given everything to try to support a loved child. I think the word 'stranger' is a good one. In my case there seems no way of connecting with my dd any more.

I go through cycles I think. At the moment it is very, very difficult. I used to try to change the situation in some way eg try to help dd set up on her own, set up appointments etc - so much energy trying to change things. I don't regret that energy used, but I do feel sad that nothing has helped change the path that dd is on.

Coming here though was a great help. I suppose the biggest thing was knowing that I was not alone. For example tonight I have just had a real ding dong with gd who has started playing me off against her mum - my dd.

I ended up coming here and reading your post. Suddenly I felt different, not alone and my thoughts went out to you and how you were feeling. So coming here was such a help - knowing there are others going through the same thing. Also by reading other people's posts I was able to see that others had done all that they could do too. So I was able to start letting go at a point in time.

There are lots of resources here for you - and lots of people like me who understand the journey you are on. Thank your for posting.